Discussion My exit plan

[JimFord99]

First of all, hi guys. I am new to this forum.
So now I am going to explain why I am here and why I am going to end it and I hope I will get the needed resources from you guys.
The only way out of my misery is suicide. I can't take anymore. I am not a good person, I have never done anything good in my life. I have stolen, lied, used and abused. I am a convicted criminal, I went to prison. When I was released, I developed anxiety and depression but tried very hard to get on with my life. It has never worked out since then! Whenever, wherever I started again with a new job, there was always at least one who knew someone who knew me and my conviction, then the whispering started, then the all knew and I was forced to leave. I know I have done wrong in the past and I have payed a heavy price for it. That was 15 years ago. My past is still haunting me. Again and again! I am still paying for it and I always will as long as I am alive. I am now so sick and tired trying to start again, somewhere else, I just don't want anymore. With my anxiety and depression and my past I am unable to lead a so-called normal life. Due to the fact that I am a foreigner here in this country and the current political issues over here and my criminal conviction will lead to my deportation in a few months. This will mean losing my home of 25 years and leaving my family behind. Then I will be forced to start again in a country I have no association with anymore. At my age, why the hell should I do that? I want to end my life, quit it and call it a day. Over and done with it. I am tired of running, pretending, hiding and lying about my past. I can't handle my depression and anxiety anymore. I can't handle the uncertainty of my future. I don't need counselling or anyone talking me out of this because I already have made the decision to end my life. I am already in the planning and preparation stage.


I did some research about suicide methods sand I know death by poison will suit me. There are drugs which will lead to a peaceful death, Nembutal, Pentobarbital and Valium in combination with alcohol. I am not scared of dying. Problem is how to get hands on this stuff. Those drugs are controlled and very difficult to get here in the UK. Internet and abroad cries out loud, however, the customs are strict here and all deliveries from abroad are being checked for controlled and illegal substances. I heard of so-called suicide pills available on the net. I am totally crap with computers and IT and so, how can I be certain that this stuff is real and is doing the job?

So, guys, how do I get my hands on the gear I want?

Alternatively, I could make my own out of castor bean seeds. The death however won't be peaceful as with a Nembutal overdose, in fact it can be slow and painful. I don't really fancy that.

Another way ( if option 1 and 2 fail ) getting in touch with drug taking prostitudes and pride one of them to use her contacts to provide me with the stuff I need. Trouble with this is, how reliable and genuine is the gear provided by drug dealers?

Bit of a long posting, guys. I hope I am not boring you and I hope someone here can help me to reach the final stage of my exit plan. Most of it I have figured out and arranged. The final hurdle is the gear. I joined here today to seek and to get advice.

Blessed be, you guys.

 

[TAW122]

No worries about your post, I understand your reasoning for wanting to CTB to get out of this horrible life. Yes, it sucks that society is rather unfair to rehabilitated offenders (those who did wrong in the past, but turned a new leaf and have rehabilitated). I can't really advise you on how to go about getting said substances because I know nothing about the black market and the details of it. I wished I had more answers on reliable and peaceful methods to go, but I just don't. At any rate, I do want to say that your reason is rational and makes sense given your predicament.

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks, nice words.

 

[Donewith_]

I know how it feels.. but i can't be of much help.. idk how to get things there. Hope you find what you are looking for.
You can check SN method too.

 

[Lennox]

Hello, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry for what you have been going through and what led you here.
I don't know if anyone here will be able to assist you with getting Nembutal (We call it N), I know I can't unfortunately. If I had access to N I wouldn't be here anymore.
The popular poisoning choice here has been SN (Sodium Nitrite) because it's effective and usually easy to obtain. It's traditionally used, in very small quantities, as a meat preservative.
Check the 'List of Resources' thread for the discussion of many other mehtods.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/list-of-resources.3/

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks for this, I'll check this out
You must know that I am not bitter about this all, I am very calm and relaxed planning my own death. The last thing I want is that a or any member of this forum feels sorry for me. Please, don't. I made a decision and now I am in the stage to make it happen. I am not sorry or tearful about myself, in fact, I am looking forward to end it and to what comes afterwards ( if anything comes afterwards ). Really, what I need is help and contacts to make it happen.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you've been struggling with so much. You're stuck at the same point many of us are stuck at: It's so hard to get the Right Stuff! As @Lennox noted, SN is pretty easy to get, not very expensive, and fairly well documented. The List of Resources is full of information so have a good browse.

 

[dysphoria]

Prostitutes probably won't be old enough to even remember barbiturates, and there is practically no genuine barbiturate use amongst regular drug users any more. When I overdosed on a barbiturate, the doctors did not even figure it out and treated me as if braindead. The few who do have it are not likely to be people who are part of the drug scene or in contact with prostitutes. I'm sure they could hook you up with some reasonably strong opioids, but you're not going to find "N" there. It's barely even made any more. SN is probably about as painful as the ricin poisoning you've alluded to, definitely not a choice for someone who is averse to pain.

It's depressing to see the effects of our broken politics lead to another suicide, but if you are already going to lose everything in this country, what real risk is there of buying N from abroad? A criminal conviction in a country you will never return to is not something to worry about. Customs are hit or miss, but mostly miss, when it comes to smaller quantities of drugs. Typical N purchases are 25g, fairly small, and it's something which could lead to arrest, but not prison. As for how to get your hands on it, well that's a good question, and other people would be better informed to answer that.

 

[JimFord99]

My obsession with N is due to internet research, sure there other equal lethal substances. The thing with the pmrostitudes, well, I looked into it not for the sex reason, I know some are on drugs and they must have contacts which must have contacts and so on. You know what I mean. Just an option. Frankly I would prefer to get my hands on gear locally. Very difficult if you don't know the scene. I have looked into the gun option, what puts me off is that a fire arm can be back traced and someone else will get into trouble which I do not want. So poison it is.

 

[Dead beat dad]

First of all, hi guys. I am new to this forum.
So now I am going to explain why I am here and why I am going to end it and I hope I will get the needed resources from you guys.
The only way out of my misery is suicide. I can't take anymore. I am not a good person, I have never done anything good in my life. I have stolen, lied, used and abused. I am a convicted criminal, I went to prison. When I was released, I developed anxiety and depression but tried very hard to get on with my life. It has never worked out since then! Whenever, wherever I started again with a new job, there was always at least one who knew someone who knew me and my conviction, then the whispering started, then the all knew and I was forced to leave. I know I have done wrong in the past and I have payed a heavy price for it. That was 15 years ago. My past is still haunting me. Again and again! I am still paying for it and I always will as long as I am alive. I am now so sick and tired trying to start again, somewhere else, I just don't want anymore. With my anxiety and depression and my past I am unable to lead a so-called normal life. Due to the fact that I am a foreigner here in this country and the current political issues over here and my criminal conviction will lead to my deportation in a few months. This will mean losing my home of 25 years and leaving my family behind. Then I will be forced to start again in a country I have no association with anymore. At my age, why the hell should I do that? I want to end my life, quit it and call it a day. Over and done with it. I am tired of running, pretending, hiding and lying about my past. I can't handle my depression and anxiety anymore. I can't handle the uncertainty of my future. I don't need counselling or anyone talking me out of this because I already have made the decision to end my life. I am already in the planning and preparation stage.


I did some research about suicide methods sand I know death by poison will suit me. There are drugs which will lead to a peaceful death, Nembutal, Pentobarbital and Valium in combination with alcohol. I am not scared of dying. Problem is how to get hands on this stuff. Those drugs are controlled and very difficult to get here in the UK. Internet and abroad cries out loud, however, the customs are strict here and all deliveries from abroad are being checked for controlled and illegal substances. I heard of so-called suicide pills available on the net. I am totally crap with computers and IT and so, how can I be certain that this stuff is real and is doing the job?

So, guys, how do I get my hands on the gear I want?

Alternatively, I could make my own out of castor bean seeds. The death however won't be peaceful as with a Nembutal overdose, in fact it can be slow and painful. I don't really fancy that.

Another way ( if option 1 and 2 fail ) getting in touch with drug taking prostitudes and pride one of them to use her contacts to provide me with the stuff I need. Trouble with this is, how reliable and genuine is the gear provided by drug dealers?

Bit of a long posting, guys. I hope I am not boring you and I hope someone here can help me to reach the final stage of my exit plan. Most of it I have figured out and arranged. The final hurdle is the gear. I joined here today to seek and to get advice.

Blessed be, you guys.

Peace be with you brother. Your tale is very sad and I'm sincerely sorry that forgiveness and compassion are not extended to you.
I have no doubt you are sorry for the things that you've done and would like to make amends.
You circumstances sound very fire and I honestly have nothing helpful to add other than I honestly and sincerely wish you light and peace on your journey.
DBD

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks, DBD. Nice words.

 

[LifeOver]

First of all, hi guys. I am new to this forum.
So now I am going to explain why I am here and why I am going to end it and I hope I will get the needed resources from you guys.
The only way out of my misery is suicide. I can't take anymore. I am not a good person, I have never done anything good in my life. I have stolen, lied, used and abused. I am a convicted criminal, I went to prison. When I was released, I developed anxiety and depression but tried very hard to get on with my life. It has never worked out since then! Whenever, wherever I started again with a new job, there was always at least one who knew someone who knew me and my conviction, then the whispering started, then the all knew and I was forced to leave. I know I have done wrong in the past and I have payed a heavy price for it. That was 15 years ago. My past is still haunting me. Again and again! I am still paying for it and I always will as long as I am alive. I am now so sick and tired trying to start again, somewhere else, I just don't want anymore. With my anxiety and depression and my past I am unable to lead a so-called normal life. Due to the fact that I am a foreigner here in this country and the current political issues over here and my criminal conviction will lead to my deportation in a few months. This will mean losing my home of 25 years and leaving my family behind. Then I will be forced to start again in a country I have no association with anymore. At my age, why the hell should I do that? I want to end my life, quit it and call it a day. Over and done with it. I am tired of running, pretending, hiding and lying about my past. I can't handle my depression and anxiety anymore. I can't handle the uncertainty of my future. I don't need counselling or anyone talking me out of this because I already have made the decision to end my life. I am already in the planning and preparation stage.


I did some research about suicide methods sand I know death by poison will suit me. There are drugs which will lead to a peaceful death, Nembutal, Pentobarbital and Valium in combination with alcohol. I am not scared of dying. Problem is how to get hands on this stuff. Those drugs are controlled and very difficult to get here in the UK. Internet and abroad cries out loud, however, the customs are strict here and all deliveries from abroad are being checked for controlled and illegal substances. I heard of so-called suicide pills available on the net. I am totally crap with computers and IT and so, how can I be certain that this stuff is real and is doing the job?

So, guys, how do I get my hands on the gear I want?

Alternatively, I could make my own out of castor bean seeds. The death however won't be peaceful as with a Nembutal overdose, in fact it can be slow and painful. I don't really fancy that.

Another way ( if option 1 and 2 fail ) getting in touch with drug taking prostitudes and pride one of them to use her contacts to provide me with the stuff I need. Trouble with this is, how reliable and genuine is the gear provided by drug dealers?

Bit of a long posting, guys. I hope I am not boring you and I hope someone here can help me to reach the final stage of my exit plan. Most of it I have figured out and arranged. The final hurdle is the gear. I joined here today to seek and to get advice.

Blessed be, you guys.

Hi, welcome to SS! Most of us here are also living a miserable life, so you are not alone.

Since you have decided on drugs, the top 3 most peaceful methods are N, F, and SN. Unfortunately, you can only buy the first two on the dark market and can be scammed, so most of us here (including me) are going with SN.

Good luck!

 

[JimFord99]

Hi LifeOver,
Thanks for the info. One question, what is F? Like I said, I am crap with computers and online terminology. Too old I suppose.

 

[LifeOver]

Hi LifeOver,
Thanks for the info. One question, what is F? Like I said, I am crap with computers and online terminology. Too old I suppose.

Fentanyl.

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks

 

[restingspot]

I have no suggestions but only remorse. People who were previously convicted are seen like plagues among people when they should be given a second chance. I'm terribly sorry the horrendously flawed system has failed you and countless others, and I hope that you find what you need to exit peacefully.

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks, I am sure I will.

 

[calendulo]

I did some research about suicide methods sand I know death by poison will suit me. There are drugs which will lead to a peaceful death, Nembutal, Pentobarbital and Valium in combination with alcohol. I am not scared of dying. Problem is how to get hands on this stuff.

Nembutal and pentobarbitol are the same thing, well nembutal is the brand. Valium is not necessary.
Just on single advice, if you already have made a decision about a method, if you prefer use pentobarbitol and you know surely that it is safe and reliable, you do not change it, any change will be worse and after the only harmed will be you too. If you take some time searching it in markets, you will get it, but that will not to be happened tomorrow.

 

[SinisterKid]

Because N is the preferred choice of many, the market is open to all kinds of scams. People do look to profit from the misery of others. Its not legal in the UK to anyone other than vets and is hard to find. Fentanyl is more or less the same. Without finding street dealers, the only market is the dark web, which again, is not the most reliable marketplace half the time. But SN is a little easier to obtain. It is regulated in the UK, but not stringently. A lot of companies will not sell to you direct without certain paperwork and ID. But you can usually import it without too much hassle. If you send me a private message [yours is not open yet as you are new] I can give you the details of a reputable seller and can vouch for the purity of the product.

 

[JimFord99]

Oh yeah, I am in no rush, I tend to plan ahead and I have a few months left.

Because N is the preferred choice of many, the market is open to all kinds of scams. People do look to profit from the misery of others. Its not legal in the UK to anyone other than vets and is hard to find. Fentanyl is more or less the same. Without finding street dealers, the only market is the dark web, which again, is not the most reliable marketplace half the time. But SN is a little easier to obtain. It is regulated in the UK, but not stringently. A lot of companies will not sell to you direct without certain paperwork and ID. But you can usually import it without too much hassle. If you send me a private message [yours is not open yet as you are new] I can give you the details of a reputable seller and can vouch for the purity of the product.

Will do as soon as I get the privileges to contact you via pm

 

[SinisterKid]

Your private message system will open up very soon so you can PM/DM others. It has to be looked at and approved by admin/mods and then you are good to go.

 

[JimFord99]

Thanks, I'll contact you as soon as possible.
I am open to other painless options, however, Istill think poisonings is the best way out.
Right, enough for tonight, see you all later. Love you all

 

[calendulo]

Oh yeah, I am in no rush, I tend to plan ahead and I have a few months left.

ah, you have a few months, then sorry, i hope do not bother you, I thought you are talking seriously about self deliverance.
Well, do not hurt yourself so much. Best luck.

 

[eve2004]

Because N is the preferred choice of many, the market is open to all kinds of scams. People do look to profit from the misery of others. Its not legal in the UK to anyone other than vets and is hard to find. Fentanyl is more or less the same. Without finding street dealers, the only market is the dark web, which again, is not the most reliable marketplace half the time. But SN is a little easier to obtain. It is regulated in the UK, but not stringently. A lot of companies will not sell to you direct without certain paperwork and ID. But you can usually import it without too much hassle. If you send me a private message [yours is not open yet as you are new] I can give you the details of a reputable seller and can vouch for the purity of the product.

Do you think some clearnet vendors carry F without advertising but you'd have to ask in a way that won't get anyone in trouble?

 

[Etherealdignity333]

Do you think some clearnet vendors carry F without advertising but you'd have to ask in a way that won't get anyone in trouble?

I would never attempt to buy illicit substances on the clearnet. Moreover, why, when the darkweb is available?

 

[Lookingforabus]

I did some research about suicide methods sand I know death by poison will suit me. There are drugs which will lead to a peaceful death, Nembutal, Pentobarbital and Valium in combination with alcohol. I am not scared of dying. Problem is how to get hands on this stuff. Those drugs are controlled and very difficult to get here in the UK. Internet and abroad cries out loud, however, the customs are strict here and all deliveries from abroad are being checked for controlled and illegal substances. I heard of so-called suicide pills available on the net. I am totally crap with computers and IT and so, how can I be certain that this stuff is real and is doing the job?

So, guys, how do I get my hands on the gear I want?

If it was reliable or easy, all the suicidal folks would be doing it and we wouldn't need resources like this forum. Those problems are exactly what makes a drug OD so hard to pull off, and why overdose suicides have such a low fatality rate. Using controlled chemicals means you can't be sure of the purity of what you get or if it's even genuine, and you might not even get it, as the cops very well might interdict it before it reaches you.

That being said, you can find fatal substances that aren't banned or restricted, some are even cheap, fast acting and effective. When I was putting together backup plans for poisons, I came a cross a couple I'd use before risking controlled chemicals.

1) Sodium Azide - the active ingredient in airbags. Uncontrolled, available for about 20 cents a gram, available online (at least in the US), fast acting and highly lethal in humans in quantities of about a tablespoon's worth. (LD50 in rats of 45mg/kg). Highly reactive (explosive) with metals and decomposes into a toxic, explosive gas in contact with water. Accordingly, use in suicides is to orally ingest the powdered form using a plastic spoon or container, rather than a metal spoon or by mixing it into a drink.

It's rarely used in suicides (~50 case reports as of 2015), with one survivor I'm aware of.

hxxps://icfjournal.org/index.php/icfj/article/view/151/html

It reportedly causes unconciousness rapidly in cases of fatal overdoses, but has rather unpleasant symptoms until then. It kills by collapsing the cardio vascular system (vascular dilation leading to low blood pressure and tachicardia) and resulting "respiratory distress". Your blood pressure drops too low, your heart can't keep up, your breathing stops, your cells don't get enough oxygen, and you die. The suspected mechanism of action is the liver metabolizes the drug into nitrogen oxide, which interferes with a large number of cellular processes.

hxxps://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1002/3527600418.mb2662822e0020

Concerns about secondary toxicity have resulted in the evacuation of a landmark building and a hazmat response in a notable sodium azide suicide in Berkeley. That may be a bug or a feature in your mind, but it's something to be aware of.

hxxps://www.berkeleyside.com/2014/03/20/potentially-hazardous-chemical-suicide-in-berkeley-called-for-collaborative-response-cautious-approach

2) "2M2B"/2-Methyl-2-butanol/tert-Amyl Alcohol

Essentially a highly potent alcohol that's found a market as a legal high, and is available fairly cheaply online, both on legal high sites and from suppliers of laboratory chemicals. It's 10 to 20 times more potent than ethanol (the form of alcohol people drink), and has a reported LD50 in mice of between 1 and 1.7 grams/kg. It's a CNS depressant, like alcohol, and in fatal ODs, kills by depressing the respiratory system until breathing stops.

Not a lot of case studies available on fatal ODs, but there is at least one reported with as little as 29 grams, via enema. Seems more pleasant that sodium azide, as I do enjoy a nice drunk, but it also seems like a less proven and possibly less reliable option. On the other hand, if I show nearly dead from what looks like alcohol poisoning, it wouldn't raise many eyebrows, so that's a plus.

hxxps://www.toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/search/a?dbs+hsdb:@term+@DOCNO+5005

 

[JimFord99]

Nice info, thanks.

ah, you have a few months, then sorry, i hope do not bother you, I thought you are talking seriously about self deliverance.
Well, do not hurt yourself so much. Best luck.

Not at all. Like I said I am in the planning stage.

 

[JimFord99]

Did some more research on castor beans and how to extract enough ricin to make a deadly poison. There are other natural plants growing in the wilderness which can kill a human. They are called deadly night shades. Won't give a quick and peaceful death as N but they kill within two days. I am also do some investigations with the info 'lookingforabus' shared yesterday. I feel much better now as more options are reaching me.

Thanks, guys, keep up the information flow.

 

[restingspot]

Thanks, guys, keep up the information flow.

Ingesting pure caffeine is a possibility. If it's the actual stuff you only need a tablespoon or two. Quick but horrible.

 

[JimFord99]

Oh? Learned something new. Well, I herd of pure nicotine but not of pure caffeine. I will look into this as well. Thanks for that.
Night night everyone, chat to you tomorrow evening.