my ex boyfriend assaulted me two nights ago

[iftheworldwasending]

so per usual, i'm back when things get rough and i don't want to talk to anyone else. sometimes the only people i truly trust are on this website.

my ex and i broke up back in october. i went to a work party two nights ago and because we both work at the same company, he was there. we both had decent amount to drink and things escalated quickly when he started yelling at me in front of everyone, calling me a "nasty bitch" and a "fucking whore". i followed him back to his hotel room because i still love(d) him and he was visibly upset. when i got to his door, he opened it and shoved me so hard in the chest to cause me to spill my drink all over myself and now i'm left with fingerprint bruises on my collarbone.
he finally let me inside the room and when i sat down on his bed, he grabbed a fistful of my hair and threw me on the ground. i started crying because i was so caught off guard, to which he picked up his phone to film me and call me a psychopath, telling i made up the fight and if i was really so scared, i'd leave.
growing up with an abusive father and having the amount of ptsd i have, i wanted nothing but for him to say he made a mistake and to hold me, tell me he loves me and didn't mean it, so i stayed with him.

i feel like i'm overreacting or going crazy, i just don't know what to do. things like this make me want to stop my medicine and hope i get bad enough to the point where i can finally CTB and not have any sort of reservations about it anymore.

thanks for listening, SS.

 

[CTB Dream]

Very sorry this abuse curel, human all violence attack danger make,this not limit humana abuse sorry happen, this all trauma very sorry. Hope now better feel physic damage hope go, anytime talk here ok hug

 

[Worndown]

Ok. Sometimes you need to let it go. This is one of those times. It sounds like the person you want to love will not throw you on the floor.
Walk away. Avoid him. Never follow him, anywhere, unless it us out of a burning building.
I had a bad relationship that dragged on for years. When I got pushed down a flight if stairs, the relationship was defined and I moved on. You are there now, please move on.

 

[iftheworldwasending]

Ok. Sometimes you need to let it go. This is one of those times. It sounds like the person you want to love will not throw you on the floor.
Walk away. Avoid him. Never follow him, anywhere, unless it us out of a burning building.
I had a bad relationship that dragged on for years. When I got pushed down a flight if stairs, the relationship was defined and I moved on. You are there now, please move on.

needed to hear this and this is what everyone has been saying. i know subconsciously i've always been looking for someone to "care" enough to hurt me like my father, which makes everything much harder. i know myself, and i know i can't walk away. so i'm just stuck at a stand still because i know what i should and need to do.

thank you for your response. it means more than you know.

 

[almaranthine]

Please get out of this situation for your own safety. I stayed in an abusive relationship because I wasn't financially able to move away. I paid dearly for my mistakes of being with this person when one night he violently attacked me while drunk. I had to fight for my life and it was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I was so close to stabbing him but was able to get away. He smashed my head into the tile floor hard so many times that I had to go to the ER to make sure I didn't have a fractured skull or brain damage. People that lash out violently like that are unpredictable. You never know when they could completely snap. I didn't do anything to this person to trigger this assault. I hope you are able to be free of this abuse. I'm so sorry you are suffering like this.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Angrily reacting at the actions of the ex, not your post, btw.

Maaaan... if someone cussed me out like that in front of a group of people, there would be nothing they could ever say to me again.

I know everyone has their shit, but...

This guy is dangerous as hell.

You can walk away.

Physical abuse is NOT "caring" and it's NOT "love".

It is hatred and devaluation.

This is how women end up dead (I mean, obviously I'm assuming you have suicidal tendencies, but still).

 

[It'sMyLife]

At the very minimum this nut should take a huge hit to his reputation at work. Drinking with coworkers is generally a bad idea anyway. Personally I think he's the psycho and is using a tactic they often use which is gaslighting. You sure as hell didn't make up a fight. If you filed a restraining order against him he'd have serious problems at his job. Your employer would be over a barrel to protect you I suspect but you'd have to call the cops and get witnesses which you have. Some probably wouldn't want to get involved of course but talking to you like that especially under those circumstances is just totally over the line. He expects to have zero ramifications for this of course and could lash out at you again so please be careful. One thing I know is this asshole isn't worth ctb' ing over. It sounds like you're doing ok in life except for him. Be careful and watch your back. I'm sorry you were treated like this. You don't deserve it

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you have been through. It's just so awful how in this world humans can create so much harm and inflict so much suffering onto others. Reading about things like that just makes me hate this world even more but I wish you the best.

 

[stermc]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It makes me so angry to know that someone is capable of doing such things!
You don't deserve to experience this, because this isn't love. It seems to me that it's much more about masculinity and power.
I have been there. My ex wasn't physically abusive (except two times he was sexually abusive), but he used to call me names and some other things.
I am not the happiest person alive (obviously lol), but I am sure REALLY happy we broke up. And I moved on (and I really thought I couldn't).
Please, always remember you can do it too! You are not alone!

 

[Pluto]

It is awful to see this happen. The human nervous system is always attracted to what feels familiar, since it brings a sense of control within an otherwise chaotic world. For those of us whose early years were rife with abuse, this leads directly to the painful choices of 1) repeating the abuse in adult life, 2) isolating ourselves or 3) attempting an arduous process of rewiring our brains.

 

[Ashu]

needed to hear this and this is what everyone has been saying. i know subconsciously i've always been looking for someone to "care" enough to hurt me like my father, which makes everything much harder. i know myself, and i know i can't walk away. so i'm just stuck at a stand still because i know what i should and need to do.

thank you for your response. it means more than you know.

I'm stuck too. There's no abuse in our relationship, but we're in hell and can't leave, so I get the stuckness.

 

[makethepainstop]

Avoid this man he is toxic. Do not engage with him, he is an ex for a reason.

 

[yuzuchan]

Dont let something abusive ruin your life my reason for wanting or needing to cbt is kinda down to this im a hypocrit for saying it but you need to learn to let go.

If your gut is crying out for why doesn't he make me feel like this there's a reason. You craving to feel a certain way for him to do something logical that would show care and in the face he won't proves he doesn't and never will.


I lived the 6-7 years though abuse and gaslighting from my bipoalr ex she made it sound thought words that she couldn't live without me. But her actions always reflected different I put it down to her mental disorder and tried to "help" hold on. Everyone told me she didn't care was practically a narcissist but I looked past eveey red flag and its cost me my life in a very littral sense.

I hope you can find happiness

 

[LONE WOLF.]

so per usual, i'm back when things get rough and i don't want to talk to anyone else. sometimes the only people i truly trust are on this website.

my ex and i broke up back in october. i went to a work party two nights ago and because we both work at the same company, he was there. we both had decent amount to drink and things escalated quickly when he started yelling at me in front of everyone, calling me a "nasty bitch" and a "fucking whore". i followed him back to his hotel room because i still love(d) him and he was visibly upset. when i got to his door, he opened it and shoved me so hard in the chest to cause me to spill my drink all over myself and now i'm left with fingerprint bruises on my collarbone.
he finally let me inside the room and when i sat down on his bed, he grabbed a fistful of my hair and threw me on the ground. i started crying because i was so caught off guard, to which he picked up his phone to film me and call me a psychopath, telling i made up the fight and if i was really so scared, i'd leave.
growing up with an abusive father and having the amount of ptsd i have, i wanted nothing but for him to say he made a mistake and to hold me, tell me he loves me and didn't mean it, so i stayed with him.

i feel like i'm overreacting or going crazy, i just don't know what to do. things like this make me want to stop my medicine and hope i get bad enough to the point where i can finally CTB and not have any sort of reservations about it anymore.

thanks for listening, SS.

@iftheworldwasending Why are you wasting your time with this lowlife insect? Real men Do Not treat women in this way so your ex is Not a Man but a piece of Shit that should be flushed into the sewer where it belongs! Please drop this Turd!!!