lol I've tried to get myself to jump lots of times, I don't have the willpower though. There's a popular bridge by me for it, but it's only 125... ft? Meters? Basically close to the threshold of that 95% chance of death, on concrete. But the more I studied it the more landing on concrete seemed hard.
I've put a bunch of pills in my mouth (back before I realized pills were a stupid idea) and spit them back out (well, most of them, would not recommend this) just to prove to myself that I could do it, to prepare myself for it. So I think I could do SN, in the quiet of my own apartment where I live alone and don't have to worry about finding just the right moment to rush and jump when nobody's around. And I don't have to worry about my clumsiness/lack of athletic ability getting in the way.
I guess the main factor to me is accessibility/legality. I think they're both similar in reliability and peacefulness (though bridge is probably less reliable but more peaceful). But anything requiring the dark web was out of the question for me.
yeah you can see from my post history that I've walked to a nearby common suicide bridge several times but never had the balls to jump
Every once in a while in my head I can imagine myself doing it without fear but the chances of that happening at the bridge, while nobody else is around to stop me, is very very low.
I would warn you to proceed with extreme caution and not play jumping jacks with anything that could put you in a wheelchair or quasi-vegitative state, where you would have to live out the rest of your life (with the pain multiplied by unfathomable orders of infinity) confined and incapable of CTBing, living out the rest of your life shackled to a wheelchair prolonging the infinitely greater suffering by having lost your autonomy in a risky shot in the dark. What is worse, being in a state of lost mobility or agency is the time - the time. What an hour feels now to you, will feel like an entire whole day, in an even more horrific state of suffering, god forbid a reckless attempt leaves you incapacitated.
I wouldn't gamble with my liberty to die on my own terms, it's not worth it. Be careful, but more than ever now than ever before.
On the Dark Net, I thought it was out of bounds too but the more you look into it the more misinformed I was. As far as legality, there is no safer and "legally immune" way than ordering drugs by mail. Just think about it, whoever has your address can send you anything (a bomb, a stack of kid porn with cocaine, laced with THC extract marijana oil that'll reek the whole post office). Anyone can send you anything by the mail, your ex, your worst enemy, your looney neighbor, some crazy person that want's to get back at you for something or just mess with you.
The fact that there's your name and address on a package with a trove of contraband does not automatically implicate culpability on you. Your ex boyfriend could send you child porn with coke as a revenge love letter, anyone can mail you anything ... just because you are the intended receipient does not mean you are culpable or have intent to poses something yet unreceived. Even if you receive it, that still proves shit. You'd have to open it, and keep it. Even so, why would you in particular be singled out out of the thousands big fish it takes law enforcement years of work to take down even one! Aint nobody got time fo yo DN package. They'll seize it and period. Maybe watchlist, but why this hyperhisteria? I know people who've ordered thousands (by now) of mailpieces off the DN, and never one was lost. Three were intercepted, but they only got a "love letter" from Customs asking them to sign a form to claim it or something and they STILL kept ordering. Again thousands of big fish, years to get one (or three on a good year) .... ain't nobody got time for your package off the darknet to worry about ordering.
Legal Question & Answer: Are you automatically culpable for being the recipient of contraband addressed to you? No.
Even if you keep it and bring it inside? Nope. Not yet.
Even if you open it? Nope. Not yet.
First off, common sense (that's not so common) - there are dozens of DN Markets operating and active, with hundreds of big time fish shark distributors, thousands of vendors, and millions of buyers. Each day there are at least one thousand orders on the DNM.
Why on fucks earth would law enforcement spend millions of dollars on resources to zero in on you, yes YOU ... put you under surveillance, set up a sting, and hope that that sting will pay off to get you arrested for ordering a few peanuts online of stuff that would make a Jury angry to have to spend time on your case, because your depressed and were targeted and caught for being suicidal? REALLY?
Outnumbered, overtaken, and overworked ... do you REALLY think law enforcement cares about targeting you, or putting in the time to set up a controlled delivery sting to get you on a peanut charge and give the prosecutor the worst possible case for a Jury would convict some suicidal dude that ordered $200 of dope online?
Do you know how much it costs to set up a Controlled Delivery? Hundreds of thousands. at least a dozen full-time law enforcement and other agency personnel to organize, plan and "hopefully" work out. By "work out" meaning dumb enough to sign for package, or same-day AND OPEN IT. Otherwise they can't prove you acted knowingly with proof of intent to keep the contents. You could have a DN brick of coke pack sitting on your table all week, and if they raid you and that package is unopened - you're free to go. You need to have opened the package and demonstrated intent to keep its content for them to have a case. They'll go through your trash and if they find the package but the dope missing, that's when they can come in. But so as long as there's no trace of the original outer packaging, they're not going to take a bet on a premature raid, and that's IF you're a dealer or major buyer, not small fish.
It's easy once you get the hang of it. A walk in the park, just an uphill little learning curve. There's a thread on it atop. The real question is - how badly is the need to die? If you're committed to pulling the plug, aint nobody gonna pull it for you with white glove five star service.
