My dad witnessed a suicide today

[UninformedLover]

Today while my dad was working he witnessed a suicide. A lady had jumped from her building and fell to the ground with a hard thud. He told me how seeing the lady's mangled up body completely destroyed him. Listening to my dad's emotional spiel really resonated with me. Now I feel as guilty as every. How could I possibly enact such suffering to my own dad, the man who has done everything and more for me? As he was telling me how he felt he was staring deep into my eyes as if the message was really for me. As if he was telling me how he'd be ruined if I killed myself. If that makes sense. He knows I am depressed and suicidal. Now I feel terrible almost like a complete jerk. How selfish of me to pass on my suffering to someone else. I read somewhere that your suffering never really goes away, it just gets passed along. I don't know what to do anymore. To continue to suffer in order to spare someone else's feelings is selfish but to pass my pain to others is selfish as well. What a conundrum.

 

[Squiddy]

One reason I probably won't ctb is because of my family. It would crush them

 

[Luchs]

One reason I probably won't ctb is because of my family. It would crush them

If I ever CTB I won't leave a note declaring that I killed myself. I'll leave a goodbye note about how I went on a great journey, pack a bag full of supplies to make it seem honest and ctb somewhere far out into the mountains, where no one will ever find my corpse.

So if I ever ctb I hope that will give them hope and alleviate some of their guilt and sorrow.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

There is no way to avoid the fact that yes it will crush anyone that cares about you. It may be your right. It may be what you choose. It may end your suffering. But that doesn't stop it hurting others, no matter what you tell them. Life is absurd like that.

I was once with someone in a unit who heard voices all the time after seeing a woman chuck herself under a train. He had to sleep with music on to drown them out. Oddly, he could also tell a person's favourite colour just by looking at them.

 

[Taran]

If I ever CTB I won't leave a note declaring that I killed myself. I'll leave a goodbye note about how I went on a great journey, pack a bag full of supplies to make it seem honest and ctb somewhere far out into the mountains, where no one will ever find my corpse.

So if I ever ctb I hope that will give them hope and alleviate some of their guilt and sorrow.

I feel the same to do...but then I think family will suffer throughout their life thinking about me and being found to them is better..
What do you say?

 

[Fizzel87]

Today while my dad was working he witnessed a suicide. A lady had jumped from her building and fell to the ground with a hard thud. He told me how seeing the lady's mangled up body completely destroyed him. Listening to my dad's emotional spiel really resonated with me. Now I feel as guilty as every. How could I possibly enact such suffering to my own dad, the man who has done everything and more for me? As he was telling me how he felt he was staring deep into my eyes as if the message was really for me. As if he was telling me how he'd be ruined if I killed myself. If that makes sense. He knows I am depressed and suicidal. Now I feel terrible almost like a complete jerk. How selfish of me to pass on my suffering to someone else. I read somewhere that your suffering never really goes away, it just gets passed along. I don't know what to do anymore. To continue to suffer in order to spare someone else's feelings is selfish but to pass my pain to others is selfish as well. What a conundrum.

My dad is my main reason I'm still here I think. I couldn't have asked for a better father, he's my best friend in many ways and it wouldn't be fair for him.

 

[the box is empty]

If I ever CTB I won't leave a note declaring that I killed myself. I'll leave a goodbye note about how I went on a great journey, pack a bag full of supplies to make it seem honest and ctb somewhere far out into the mountains, where no one will ever find my corpse.

So if I ever ctb I hope that will give them hope and alleviate some of their guilt and sorrow.

I've been leaving hints around the New Year about being bored here and wanting to travel out west. But now with covid-19 any attempt to leave will definitely raise eyebrows.

 

[Ashleyrodriguez]

Today while my dad was working he witnessed a suicide. A lady had jumped from her building and fell to the ground with a hard thud. He told me how seeing the lady's mangled up body completely destroyed him. Listening to my dad's emotional spiel really resonated with me. Now I feel as guilty as every. How could I possibly enact such suffering to my own dad, the man who has done everything and more for me? As he was telling me how he felt he was staring deep into my eyes as if the message was really for me. As if he was telling me how he'd be ruined if I killed myself. If that makes sense. He knows I am depressed and suicidal. Now I feel terrible almost like a complete jerk. How selfish of me to pass on my suffering to someone else. I read somewhere that your suffering never really goes away, it just gets passed along. I don't know what to do anymore. To continue to suffer in order to spare someone else's feelings is selfish but to pass my pain to others is selfish as well. What a conundrum.

Why are you depressed that's making you want to ctb?

 

[Luchs]

I feel the same to do...but then I think family will suffer throughout their life thinking about me and being found to them is better..
What do you say?

I would rather let them have the hope that I am alive and leading a great life somewhere out there, than them finding my body and being emotionally destroyed by the fact that I am gone.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Reading the OP, it sounds like your dad may have been using some emotional blackmail to get you to live, and it worked...for now.

I don't know what your relationship is like or how openly you are able to communicate with each other, but with someone I feel emotionally safe with, someone who respects my autonomy, I would use the conversation as the springboard for an open one. I would say what I felt about him liking into my eyes, and how it impacted me. I would ask to take turns, maybe flip a coin, me listening how he would be impacted by my ctb, and him listening to why I am considering ctb. Otherwise, things are going to fester, the taboo subject of ctb is going to grow to grotesquely exaggerated proportions, and each of you will be less capable of dealing with potentially more manageable realities. Emotional blackmail may prolong the act, but it's also given it more ability to make each of you suffer more than is necessary.

Just my two cents...

 

[Lara Francis]

My dad is my main reason I'm still here I think. I couldn't have asked for a better father, he's my best friend in many ways and it wouldn't be fair for him.

Please cherish that lovely relationship u have with your dad.
It is priceless.

 

[Fizzel87]

Please cherish that lovely relationship u have with your dad.
It is priceless.

Since my mum passed 5 years ago we've become closer friends. I know I'm very lucky to have family around me still.

 

[waterbottleman]

I had a similar experience last Christmas.

For a few years now a family member in my extended family has died every year.

My mother said she hoped we could all have a Christmas in 2020 without any other family member dying.

That hit me pretty hard considering that I plan on ctbing way before Christmas this year.

 

[Lara Francis]

Since my mum passed 5 years ago we've become closer friends. I know I'm very lucky to have family around me still.

So sorry to hear about your mum x

 

[Fizzel87]

So sorry to hear about your mum x

Losing a parent happens to everybody, love. Thank you though.

 

[theoldestquestion]

i will make it seem that it was an accident, like letting go of the wheel while driving

 

[Lara Francis]

[QUOTE="Fizzel87,

Thankfully i have not lost a parent but my husband who was a brillant dad to our son who was 7 at the time.
he will never have that relationship back and to this day its heartbreaking and unfair.
Love to you,i wish you well and can see yourself moving forward and into recovery.[/QUOTE]

 

[I’mDone]

If I ever CTB I won't leave a note declaring that I killed myself. I'll leave a goodbye note about how I went on a great journey, pack a bag full of supplies to make it seem honest and ctb somewhere far out into the mountains, where no one will ever find my corpse.

So if I ever ctb I hope that will give them hope and alleviate some of their guilt and sorrow.

This is my dream.