Venting My dad destroyed my three year old beloved succulent

[onelastsnack]

Last night, my father had a raging fit and destroyed my house plant. It's not the end of the world. He's done worse. But something about it makes me feel like I'm on the verge of tears. Not even on the verge, I'm already way past that.

Here I am, quietly sobbing. I've learned to stay quiet ever since he threatened to kill my dogs for weeping too loudly.

I'm just so tired. I'm so tired. I can't do anything. I don't think I can do anything. I don't want to do anything. I just want to have a single day where I feel safe and at peace. I don't want to be constantly on guard anymore. I'm a bum. I don't have a job. I'm not even allowed to have a job apparently. My dad forbids it. It feels like he does not want me to have any sort of success or freedom in my life. It's like he wants to keep me under his grasps forever.

I really want a job. I really want to move out to study law. I really want to live my own life but I'm stuck. My hands are tied. He uses threats to keep me at bay. I cannot disobey. I seem stupid from an outside perspective but I've been conditioned to do nothing but stay quiet and suck it up my whole life. I'm not prepared for the outside world. I'm not prepared to be an adult. I'm stuck here. I cannot leave. I can't leave. There are consequences to leaving. I'm stuck here forever.

Nobody believes me. None of my relatives would ever believe such a friendly and smiley guy would ever hurt his family like this. Nobody would ever believe that he is cheating on his wife with multiple women. Nobody would ever believe our broken household.

The people I know have told me that I'm lucky that I still have a father. That I should appreciate him because he 'spoils me with monetary value'. I don't want the money. Nothing could ever fix what he has done to me and my mother. He hasn't paid the bills for a very long time. My mother struggles to pay for the house by overworking herself with two jobs. I really want to help her but I can't. Otherwise, my dad will get angry and do something terrible. I want my own money. I don't want to spend his sorry dollars to compensate for my emotional damage. He uses money to manipulate me. To make me rely on him financially. That's why he forbids me from having any sort of self reliance or independence.

I'm too afraid to do anything. I've grown up to be a coward under this hellhole. I've learned nothing but fear. His anger takes up so much space that there is no courage left for me. No courage to truly live happily. No courage to seek out success. No courage to do something for myself. No courage to leave.

That's why I want to study law. I want to someday hold him accountable for everything that he has done. I want to give my mother the justice she deserves. I want her to retire and live out her dream restaurant management days. A boba tea corner shop. I want to help out others who may be in a similar situation as me.

But I'm so lost. I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted. I don't have energy for anything anymore. Everything is so difficult. Going outside is already difficult for me. It's so hard to get out of bed. It's so hard to take care of myself. It's so hard to keep up with my peers. I just want to sleep forever in peace.

I have to stop crying soon. I have to go out to buy another pot for my succulent. I'm sure I can still salvage it. They're resilient plants after all. They're a lot more resilient than me. They never give up. They hardly ever die even on weeks where I forget to water them. Even after my father threw them onto the sundeck, they're still alive and well. Even though their little resting hut, their pot, is shattered, they're still alive and well.

I wish I was like that. I wish I was stronger. I'm so weak. How can I ever study law like this? Nobody believes in me. I don't even believe in myself sometimes. I wish I had a stable family. I wish my father wasn't so angry all the time. I wish I could have my own independence. I wish I could have my own freedom.

I'm a grown adult, yet I'm stuck here. I can legally leave and there is nothing he can do about it, yet I'm stuck here. There are so many things keeping me here. I cannot just leave. But I cannot just stay here either. I am in a position where I cannot act altogether. My peers are already so mature. They're already working. They're already studying for their degrees. Yet, I'm stuck here. I'm not doing anything at all. I can't do anything under his grasp. I'm a good for nothing.

I shouldn't have been born at all. It'll be easier for her to leave him at least. I've asked her, "why don't you just divorce him?" She told me I still needed a father. But I know that's just an excuse. He is a terrible father and a sorry excuse of a husband. She's just as afraid as me. She's too afraid to leave as well. My father's control has seeped in far too long to the point where we fear freedom even more than we fear him.

Thank you for reading if you've reached this far. I can't stop sobbing. I know have to be quiet but I just can't stop. It hurts so much.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I was in a similar situation. My escape plan was call 911. I ended up not needing to do that but eventually you get go a point where you have nothing to lose. Maybe being homeless might be better. Not joking.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I hope you don't mind if I make some observations as an older dad myself. What I see in your post is a highly capable adult who is just about ready to take of with their own life. Three facts: 1. You recognize clearly the truth about your father. 2. You recognize clearly the reasons for your behavior. 3. You have a powerful reason to succeed (justice). That passion for justice alone will give you the power to soar past any obstacle and outperform people who are only in it for money or ego. You're like a fighter jet fully loaded on the runway with the engine burning full blast but the brake on. And you're about to get tired of keeping your foot on the brake. Sorry if this sounds looney but it's what I see. Funny you should mention succulents. My son had one in college. He forgot and left it in his car when he came to visit over winter break. It was all wilted and mushy and he was sure it was dead. I laughed at first but stopped when he told me it upset him. After he went back to school, I noticed 2 leaves had not turned to mush. So I looked up online how to save them. Nothing happened for a long time. I went to throw them away and noticed tiny little roots. That was years ago, he doesn't care about the plant anymore. But today it is about 6 inches tall with some branches, happily in a sunny spot in his old bedroom. Your plant is going to be fine and so are you kid.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi. Fuck your dad. You are in an abusive situation and you probably know that. It does Not seem stupid from an outisde perspective, at all, that is how abusive situations condition people to act. To stay quiet and eat it up an obbey and think no one would believe them. It is not cowardice it is trauma. You deserve a lot better than that and I'm glad at least you seem aware of that and want to get out. If you stay there long enough you might even lose that will and that Is a lot scarier. I agree you need out.

I can't ask of you that you stand up to him, It should be the "right" thing but it's not that easy, I know. It is not about courage believe me.

Your goals for studiying are very noble and no doubt very strong if this is where they come from. I believe you could achieve them. I do. And I'm an internet rando, won't pretend to be anything other, but still by hearing you I just do.
The way you describe the succulent, I hope you can find hope in it. It is not strenght, it is resilience, and if you are here and kicking even amist all that he put you through, the daily exhaustion and the thoughts of ending it all, it means you are very resilient, it has shaped you into it, wish it didn't have to but, it Will serve you when studying and facing anything in life. As very little will be as bad as what you are going through now. It will also leave trauma, don't want to paint the wrong picture either. But even if you only see the diminished and quiet part of you that he has shaped, I know once you get out you can flourish and face anything, even if it may not seem like it now, that's to be expected, but you will.

I have no wothy experience with abuse, I can't speak for it. You and your mother are in a very bad situation with a lot of fear, no way minimizing it or trying to just offer yippee words, or simple solutions cos there are not. And with the financial element there too, which is far too common in those cases, it's a lot more complex.
The people that have told you you are lucky to have a dad, those that wouldn't believe, they are not there for you right now. I can't ask that of your mother either.
But there is support out there, and this is thrown around I know, but there is. Don't know where you live, but if you haven't PLEASE search for abuse resources and organizations around. They know a lot more than I do or you do right now and offer a lot of services you might not even be aware of. There are caring people out there like that that Will believe you and they don't even have to be relatives. Make a call, ask for advice there and inform yourself how to better act. I know you want to act, but you understand it is not easy in an unstable environment with a volatile abuser around, but they can help you plan things, take a smart way around and about it. Please give those a try if you haven't already. You'd be surprised how sadly common your position is and how others know a lot more on how to manage it easier. And any easier I know it is very much welcomed. So again, try those please, whenever you have some energy for it, cos you do have the will and goals.

In any case, take it easy whenever you can, take care of your plants, do your best and hang in there for now. I know you can get out of there with some help and resilience, and you can have those.
Lots of hugs <33333333333333

 

[bankai]

I hope you become the best lawyer you can be. And I hope this yoke is lifted off of you for good.

My dad is not much different either. My mother never left him. She was educated, earned a lot. My dad was just poison. I grew up wishing she would just leave him.

 

[onelastsnack]

I was in a similar situation. My escape plan was call 911. I ended up not needing to do that but eventually you get go a point where you have nothing to lose. Maybe being homeless might be better. Not joking.

Getting to the point where I no longer have anything left to lose sounds nice because then I'll finally be able to do whatever I want. But I also love the things that I currently have and I cannot imagine how it'd be like to lose them all and have nothing in the end. I hope your situation ended nicely!

I hope you don't mind if I make some observations as an older dad myself. What I see in your post is a highly capable adult who is just about ready to take of with their own life. Three facts: 1. You recognize clearly the truth about your father. 2. You recognize clearly the reasons for your behavior. 3. You have a powerful reason to succeed (justice). That passion for justice alone will give you the power to soar past any obstacle and outperform people who are only in it for money or ego. You're like a fighter jet fully loaded on the runway with the engine burning full blast but the brake on. And you're about to get tired of keeping your foot on the brake. Sorry if this sounds looney but it's what I see. Funny you should mention succulents. My son had one in college. He forgot and left it in his car when he came to visit over winter break. It was all wilted and mushy and he was sure it was dead. I laughed at first but stopped when he told me it upset him. After he went back to school, I noticed 2 leaves had not turned to mush. So I looked up online how to save them. Nothing happened for a long time. I went to throw them away and noticed tiny little roots. That was years ago, he doesn't care about the plant anymore. But today it is about 6 inches tall with some branches, happily in a sunny spot in his old bedroom. Your plant is going to be fine and so are you kid.

Thank you for the kind words. I actually cried while reading this and had to take a moment to collect myself before I could respond. Perhaps those are the words I wished I could hear from my own father. You seem like a very wonderful person. Thank you again.

Hi. Fuck your dad. You are in an abusive situation and you probably know that. It does Not seem stupid from an outisde perspective, at all, that is how abusive situations condition people to act. To stay quiet and eat it up an obbey and think no one would believe them. It is not cowardice it is trauma. You deserve a lot better than that and I'm glad at least you seem aware of that and want to get out. If you stay there long enough you might even lose that will and that Is a lot scarier. I agree you need out.

I can't ask of you that you stand up to him, It should be the "right" thing but it's not that easy, I know. It is not about courage believe me.

Your goals for studiying are very noble and no doubt very strong if this is where they come from. I believe you could achieve them. I do. And I'm an internet rando, won't pretend to be anything other, but still by hearing you I just do.
The way you describe the succulent, I hope you can find hope in it. It is not strenght, it is resilience, and if you are here and kicking even amist all that he put you through, the daily exhaustion and the thoughts of ending it all, it means you are very resilient, it has shaped you into it, wish it didn't have to but, it Will serve you when studying and facing anything in life. As very little will be as bad as what you are going through now. It will also leave trauma, don't want to paint the wrong picture either. But even if you only see the diminished and quiet part of you that he has shaped, I know once you get out you can flourish and face anything, even if it may not seem like it now, that's to be expected, but you will.

I have no wothy experience with abuse, I can't speak for it. You and your mother are in a very bad situation with a lot of fear, no way minimizing it or trying to just offer yippee words, or simple solutions cos there are not. And with the financial element there too, which is far too common in those cases, it's a lot more complex.
The people that have told you you are lucky to have a dad, those that wouldn't believe, they are not there for you right now. I can't ask that of your mother either.
But there is support out there, and this is thrown around I know, but there is. Don't know where you live, but if you haven't PLEASE search for abuse resources and organizations around. They know a lot more than I do or you do right now and offer a lot of services you might not even be aware of. There are caring people out there like that that Will believe you and they don't even have to be relatives. Make a call, ask for advice there and inform yourself how to better act. I know you want to act, but you understand it is not easy in an unstable environment with a volatile abuser around, but they can help you plan things, take a smart way around and about it. Please give those a try if you haven't already. You'd be surprised how sadly common your position is and how others know a lot more on how to manage it easier. And any easier I know it is very much welcomed. So again, try those please, whenever you have some energy for it, cos you do have the will and goals.

In any case, take it easy whenever you can, take care of your plants, do your best and hang in there for now. I know you can get out of there with some help and resilience, and you can have those.
Lots of hugs <33333333333333

Thank you for the advice. I haven't reached out to formal sources mainly because I was afraid they'd reach out to my father and inform him of my request for help and then he'd privately gaslight me into believing I was overreacting. It was the fear of my counsellors not believing me that restricted me from reaching out in primary school. But since I am legally an adult now, I don't think they are required to reach out to my dad anymore? I'll keep that in mind and look out for some resources in my local area. Thank you.

I hope you become the best lawyer you can be. And I hope this yoke is lifted off of you for good.

My dad is not much different either. My mother never left him. She was educated, earned a lot. My dad was just poison. I grew up wishing she would just leave him.

I hope so too. I know law school isn't easy, but I'm determined to put in the time and work. I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. I hope you are able to move to a better environment.

 

[onelastsnack]

I gave my succulent a new pot if anyone's interested:

 

[bankai]

I gave my succulent a new pot if anyone's interested:

Nice, it looks healthy. I guess that's why they call it succulent. Cute vase as well.

 

[onelastsnack]

Nice, it looks healthy. I guess that's why they call it succulent. Cute vase as well.

Thank you. I quite like how silly it looks.

 

[LostLily]

Hope you escape, I have the same issue with my brother.

 

[pleaseletmeperish]

I am so sorry, my friend. I hope you too will find a new home, just like you so lovingly gave your beautiful succulent one. You deserve only peace and happiness in life.

 

[deadgirlwalking]

My father is similar, no one would believe me because he puts on a good face. I believe you, abusers often put on a great looking mask and are monsters underneath. You sound like a kind and gentle person, you love plants and have pets, and your profile picture is super cute! Very wholesome person, which makes me feel even more sick thinking about your father. You sound like a kind soul, you don't deserve what's happening to you and you deserve to be free and thrive. I really hope you get to safety soon