Hi everyone. Before I ctb, I would like to tell you guys my plan and a bit about my story. It's not very traumatic, or really all that interesting, but it's a story.
Everything bad started in middle school. I had no friends, never really knew how to make any. Everyone is so aloof and rude, plus with my social awkwardness, yeah, I was just a loner. The most I ever had were acquaintances here and there but it never went beyond that. I understand though because I'm the most boring person you will ever meet. There were like two times when I tried to get past the acquaintance phase but I just get laughed at. It was a s### feeling so I just gave up eventually. Only times anyone would even hang out (which was rare) was when they basically had no one else to hang out with, so mignt as well do it with this loser anyway. But honestly, i think that even if i did get the chance to become better friends, my own social incompetance and awkwardness and anxiety would screw it all up anyway......... They'd never respond when I tried to iniate, they just ghost and ignore me, then just face me the next year like they didnt pretend I never existed. This type of thing would continue until I graduated and moved on to high school (spoiler warning: same s###, different smell). Nothing has gotten better since then, in fact, its worse now. The people who laughed and ignored me in middle school, I see them on social media accounts traveling around the world, getting fit, hanging out with their middle school friends, living their best life and career and just being satisfied with it all. Meanwhile im just the useless sack of s### who will disappear from this world after awhile.
I know I didnt tell me story very well but im not a good writer so ill just end it here. I know this story was definetly boring and awkward to read so that shows that nothing has changed. With a lifetime of suicidal thoughts. Ive accepted that i will ctb, just a matter of time. Espically after visiting and creating an account for a site like this, well, my fate is already determined
I will find a remote place to do it in, perferably somewhere in the forest up in the mountains. I want to be surrounded by nature but comfortable in a home. Ill use an maverick arms 88 security 12 gauge pump action shotgun to ctb. Slug round. Position is just above the ear. I know that roof of the mouth is supposed to be better but I dont like the idea of it. I dont want to taste my own blood. I wont leave a note or anything, i wouldnt know what to write anyway. As for regrets? Nothing, my life was just below average compared to what ive seen so far. I guess the only one that comes to mind is that i wasnt able to have a friend that i couldve let it all out to. someone that wouldnt judge me for everything. Someone that wouldnt ignore my messages then act like it never happened. Someone who would support my hobbies, instead of critizing me for them. But its too late now. Im in a phase thats like falling into an infinite hole that wont stop until i grow old and wither away into dust. Thank you for reading this to whoever does
Everything bad started in middle school. I had no friends, never really knew how to make any. Everyone is so aloof and rude, plus with my social awkwardness, yeah, I was just a loner. The most I ever had were acquaintances here and there but it never went beyond that. I understand though because I'm the most boring person you will ever meet. There were like two times when I tried to get past the acquaintance phase but I just get laughed at. It was a s### feeling so I just gave up eventually. Only times anyone would even hang out (which was rare) was when they basically had no one else to hang out with, so mignt as well do it with this loser anyway. But honestly, i think that even if i did get the chance to become better friends, my own social incompetance and awkwardness and anxiety would screw it all up anyway......... They'd never respond when I tried to iniate, they just ghost and ignore me, then just face me the next year like they didnt pretend I never existed. This type of thing would continue until I graduated and moved on to high school (spoiler warning: same s###, different smell). Nothing has gotten better since then, in fact, its worse now. The people who laughed and ignored me in middle school, I see them on social media accounts traveling around the world, getting fit, hanging out with their middle school friends, living their best life and career and just being satisfied with it all. Meanwhile im just the useless sack of s### who will disappear from this world after awhile.
I know I didnt tell me story very well but im not a good writer so ill just end it here. I know this story was definetly boring and awkward to read so that shows that nothing has changed. With a lifetime of suicidal thoughts. Ive accepted that i will ctb, just a matter of time. Espically after visiting and creating an account for a site like this, well, my fate is already determined
I will find a remote place to do it in, perferably somewhere in the forest up in the mountains. I want to be surrounded by nature but comfortable in a home. Ill use an maverick arms 88 security 12 gauge pump action shotgun to ctb. Slug round. Position is just above the ear. I know that roof of the mouth is supposed to be better but I dont like the idea of it. I dont want to taste my own blood. I wont leave a note or anything, i wouldnt know what to write anyway. As for regrets? Nothing, my life was just below average compared to what ive seen so far. I guess the only one that comes to mind is that i wasnt able to have a friend that i couldve let it all out to. someone that wouldnt judge me for everything. Someone that wouldnt ignore my messages then act like it never happened. Someone who would support my hobbies, instead of critizing me for them. But its too late now. Im in a phase thats like falling into an infinite hole that wont stop until i grow old and wither away into dust. Thank you for reading this to whoever does
