my crappy life

[mathieu]

I have wound up living like a hermit in a city where no one I know lives. I had such horrible anxiety, I couldn't breath, so I took Seroquel, after already being on Rexulti and having been on Invega, Zyprexa for my psychotic breakdown I had. All of which have made me so fat. I cry about it. Don't want anyone to see me or to see myself in the mirror. I don't have a psychiatrist. I got discharged from the private one for being too ill then discharged from the public one because i fucking hate them and wouldn't go to appointments. I have another referrall to a private one but haven't heard back. I think I must have a bad repututation as a patient and no one will take me. I just took out health insurance after a year of not having it so have to wait two months to be admitted to a psych clinic. I'm taking clonazepam and xanax from the internet. I take two clonz a day and pop xanax as needed. they don't have much kick to them so they're probably fake. I bought heroin a couple of times and snorted it. Couldn't find a fucking vein. Took the whole lot and hoped for death. Just slept a while. I will probably buy more on Friday. I don't even like it but it makes me feel nothing. I've wound up an absolute loser. 28. male, no job or even high school education. No friends. fucking ugly and fat and disgusting. I think I will kill myself. I have a plan. It's just too much to bear to spend the days alone, hating myself. I sort of had this plan that I could stop my seroquel and just use low weight gain AP like Rexulti that I'm on now or switch to Abilify or Latuda. I was on Parnate but tapered myself off because it has a lot of drug interactions. I want the doctor to give me a weight loss drug, like phentermine. We don't have many options here in Australia but there's phentermine (duromine) and Saxenda. They are both out of my price range to be honest. phentermine is like $140 a month and saxenda is like $400. Meh, I get some money on the 16 and can order a reship from N. (Mine didn't come).
Sorry if this is more of a blog post but there's no one in real life I can be real with you know?

 

[pole]

I have wound up living like a hermit in a city where no one I know lives. I had such horrible anxiety, I couldn't breath, so I took Seroquel, after already being on Rexulti and having been on Invega, Zyprexa for my psychotic breakdown I had. All of which have made me so fat. I cry about it. Don't want anyone to see me or to see myself in the mirror. I don't have a psychiatrist. I got discharged from the private one for being too ill then discharged from the public one because i fucking hate them and wouldn't go to appointments. I have another referrall to a private one but haven't heard back. I think I must have a bad repututation as a patient and no one will take me. I just took out health insurance after a year of not having it so have to wait two months to be admitted to a psych clinic. I'm taking clonazepam and xanax from the internet. I take two clonz a day and pop xanax as needed. they don't have much kick to them so they're probably fake. I bought heroin a couple of times and snorted it. Couldn't find a fucking vein. Took the whole lot and hoped for death. Just slept a while. I will probably buy more on Friday. I don't even like it but it makes me feel nothing. I've wound up an absolute loser. 28. male, no job or even high school education. No friends. fucking ugly and fat and disgusting. I think I will kill myself. I have a plan. It's just too much to bear to spend the days alone, hating myself. I sort of had this plan that I could stop my seroquel and just use low weight gain AP like Rexulti that I'm on now or switch to Abilify or Latuda. I was on Parnate but tapered myself off because it has a lot of drug interactions. I want the doctor to give me a weight loss drug, like phentermine. We don't have many options here in Australia but there's phentermine (duromine) and Saxenda. They are both out of my price range to be honest. phentermine is like $140 a month and saxenda is like $400. Meh, I get some money on the 16 and can order a reship from N. (Mine didn't come).
Sorry if this is more of a blog post but there's no one in real life I can be real with you know?

sorry you're going through and have gone through what you have gone through and i cant imagine it either. no need to apologize for a long blog post, the longer the better (pause lol). You're letting everything out, all your emotions, thats a good thing, you must have been keeping it in for so long.

honestly, if you have the money, making sure to double check As info, try and reorder N. I think its the easiest and most peaceful way out.

Regardless, take care and i hope you feel and get better. And find the peace that you're looking for.

*hugs*.

 

[mathieu]

honestly, if you have the money, making sure to double check As info, try and reorder N. I think its the easiest and most peaceful way out

Yes, that''s what I'm planning to do. I think it's so superior to every other way. Kinda wish I lived in the '50s could get them prescribed by a doc easy for insomnia.