T
ThatStateOfMind
Enlightened
- Nov 13, 2021
- 1,059
I just recently thought of this as I was deleting things from my photos. I remembered how I used to pine for my ex before we ever got together, and how much I really wanted to be with her, I idolized her and placed her on a pedestal. I then got my chance with her, and it worked for a year and some months then she cheated. Even after that, I can't believe I stupidly pined after her for MONTHS afterwards. She cheated and left me for the guy she cheated with and I was an idiot for continuing to want her. I even had a failed suicide attempts ~3 months after we broke up, and a lingering desire to do so again for a long time (those feelings could be a whole post of their own. Tbh, with how much I used to vent on here, it probably is a post on here, I don't like reading my old posts, they reek of desperation)
I can happily say she has no worth to me anymore. I feel sick at the thought of ever being with her again, and I feel I can do way better now. Now, have I completely recovered? No, honestly, I believe I'll have trust issues for a good while, but I think I can work through it. I almost tried a long distance relationship with someone I met here, but we felt it'd be better to remain friends. I say this to say I am amazed that I can have feelings for someone else besides my ex as I genuinely felt my life shatter in the blink of an eye when she left.
I could be a lot more hateful in this post, as I have many negative things I could and would like to say about her, but that feels immature of me. The most I'll say is I sometimes take pleasure in bad things happening to her which she occasionally calls or messages me to vent about, especially her concerns of her boyfriend cheating, which were never confirmed (really the guy who you cheated with might be okay with cheating, who would've guessed). I'm almost certain he did, I tried to warn her when I still liked her, but she dismissed it, saying he's not that kind of person.
tldr: 2 years after my breakup, I feel almost completely over my ex, even feeling a little disgusted by her. Thought about attempting LDR but didn't. I take pleasure in unpleasant things happening to her.
I can happily say she has no worth to me anymore. I feel sick at the thought of ever being with her again, and I feel I can do way better now. Now, have I completely recovered? No, honestly, I believe I'll have trust issues for a good while, but I think I can work through it. I almost tried a long distance relationship with someone I met here, but we felt it'd be better to remain friends. I say this to say I am amazed that I can have feelings for someone else besides my ex as I genuinely felt my life shatter in the blink of an eye when she left.
I could be a lot more hateful in this post, as I have many negative things I could and would like to say about her, but that feels immature of me. The most I'll say is I sometimes take pleasure in bad things happening to her which she occasionally calls or messages me to vent about, especially her concerns of her boyfriend cheating, which were never confirmed (really the guy who you cheated with might be okay with cheating, who would've guessed). I'm almost certain he did, I tried to warn her when I still liked her, but she dismissed it, saying he's not that kind of person.
tldr: 2 years after my breakup, I feel almost completely over my ex, even feeling a little disgusted by her. Thought about attempting LDR but didn't. I take pleasure in unpleasant things happening to her.