wastingpotential
drowning, always.
- Feb 8, 2023
- 166
if anyone cares to read my previous posts, it'd make this more understandable of a read. (i think.)
i haven't posted here in awhile, i really don't know what to say in or out of here anymore. i'm a shell of a human, i don't feel i exist.
you know the mandela effect? butterfly effect? whatever? i feel that i'm one of those, i feel i should've been gone already, be it in may or april or even years before when my previous attempts had failed, i don't feel real or that my body should even be here, walking or standing or whatnot.
as much as i tried, it's been hard to navigate life, i didn't want to go through anything that much anymore and just living has been exhausting even though i've spent all of summer now cooped up in a bedroom and doing nothing, just mourning everything i've been through.
after months of trying to get in touch with an association/shelter i had to put my cats in, today i've been given the news they passed away from a virus going around that shelter, it's taken me weeks to get a response out of them when all i wanted to know was how they were doing. all my reason to be going up until now was the hope of reuniting with my cats one day, and that's all i've been told now.
i'm pretty much done now, my life has been taken from me and ruined by people i wanted to leave in my past years ago but kept coming back to haunt me, and anybody who i wished could comfort me now is either very far away or just. don't care about me.
i'm sorry this whole post sounds so confusing and secretive almost. something bad and new happens everyday of my life and it's hard to keep track. but this was just it for me now
thank you for reading.
to my cats, who i promised on the day i first got you when you were little kittens hiding under my bed, that i'd keep you safe forever and protect you, i'm so fucking sorry i failed you my loves, for all this pain and suffering that's been dealt you were never to be a victim of it. i'll hate myself until my last breath over this.
i love you forever.
i haven't posted here in awhile, i really don't know what to say in or out of here anymore. i'm a shell of a human, i don't feel i exist.
you know the mandela effect? butterfly effect? whatever? i feel that i'm one of those, i feel i should've been gone already, be it in may or april or even years before when my previous attempts had failed, i don't feel real or that my body should even be here, walking or standing or whatnot.
as much as i tried, it's been hard to navigate life, i didn't want to go through anything that much anymore and just living has been exhausting even though i've spent all of summer now cooped up in a bedroom and doing nothing, just mourning everything i've been through.
after months of trying to get in touch with an association/shelter i had to put my cats in, today i've been given the news they passed away from a virus going around that shelter, it's taken me weeks to get a response out of them when all i wanted to know was how they were doing. all my reason to be going up until now was the hope of reuniting with my cats one day, and that's all i've been told now.
i'm pretty much done now, my life has been taken from me and ruined by people i wanted to leave in my past years ago but kept coming back to haunt me, and anybody who i wished could comfort me now is either very far away or just. don't care about me.
i'm sorry this whole post sounds so confusing and secretive almost. something bad and new happens everyday of my life and it's hard to keep track. but this was just it for me now
thank you for reading.
to my cats, who i promised on the day i first got you when you were little kittens hiding under my bed, that i'd keep you safe forever and protect you, i'm so fucking sorry i failed you my loves, for all this pain and suffering that's been dealt you were never to be a victim of it. i'll hate myself until my last breath over this.
i love you forever.