Venting My care team is draining the life from me

[Bedrock48]

It feels like they really don't care. Been left without support or even a courtesy call from them for a month, I can't do life alone. Calling them myself didn't remotely help last time so why should I bother.

Doing a sui gesture has been so tempting recently. Get up on the bridge and yell at people until someone pulls me down. Wander town with blood running down my arms. I don't know, I've really not wanted to die for a couple days but I know I need help. That feeling is slowly fading and the suicidality is coming back.

Just don't want to become another statistic of people let down by the mental health system but my options are running out. I want to live and die on my own terms but my care team is almost forcing my hand.

Crisis lines sometimes help get me through a day or a week but it's not the regular and consistent support I need.

Tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this, everybody deserves to get the help and support they need. Mental health teams have let far too many people down, it is wrong that people are acting this way. I hope you can find some relief.

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm sorry you are going through this, everybody deserves to get the help and support they need. Mental health teams have let far too many people down, it is wrong that people are acting this way. I hope you can find some relief.

Thank you, it makes me angry seeing the lives lost and ruined by underfunding and sometimes incompetence.

I just got this massive wave of relief, knowing ultimately I'll have the tools necessary to decide in under a week. Maybe not what I should be taking solace in right now but solace nonetheless.

 

[WornOutLife]

In Argentina, crisis lines just make me laugh.
As for the professional help, my ex psych and therapist dumped me last year because they needed to do some paperwork so that my medical insurance covered their expenses. It sucked.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Hope things get better somehow!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Bedrock48]

In Argentina, crisis lines just make me laugh.
As for the professional help, my ex psych and therapist dumped me last year because they needed to do some paperwork so that my medical insurance covered their expenses. It sucked.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Hope things get better somehow!

Hugs and love,

Matt

Sucks that the crisis lines are a laughing stock, they're much needed for many people. I guess I'm "blessed" in a sense that therapy is free for me but I'd honestly pay a little money to get someone more helpful!

Don't yet know how things will get better but I hope so too.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

It's utterly shocking the state of MH services and more importantly it's the reason why I want to jab the face of anyone who says 'seek professional help'. It all makes me so angry. So sorry for you all - you deserve better

 

[Bedrock48]

I don't know if anyones heard the phrase "Dance for your life". Like in old Western films where the bad guy shoots bullets at a person's feet. Feeling that right now, feeling it with every bone in my body.

I made a promise I'd put up a fight and that's exactly what I'm doing. Most of the time I have alone I'm spending in bed because I'm that exhausted. My souls tired, my body more so and I want to give up so badly. This is the last opportunity I have to prove I'm capable as an adult. Do or die, literally.

Finally got back in touch with my care co, we spoke for a while on the phone and she'll see me in person next week. I still feel like the damage caused by their absence this month might be irreparable or will at least leave a lasting impact. One more week to survive, one more week to decide if I can do this. Just hope I can find the right words to tell her what's happening.