Venting My bullshit supported accommodation after I talked about planning to attempt

[LittleJem]

I'm writing this here both to vent and also to have a date on when I said to my supported accommodation that I was going to attempt soon. Specifically, I said that I was going to attempt. That the first attempt was likely not to succeed but might succeed. Then the second attempt would succeed and would also be very painful. I said the first attempt was to kind of give my family an exit warning.

The manager's first response was to tap his fingers on his leg like he couldn't be bothered to listen. I said that I knew no-one thought I was serious but that I am serious. He stopped tapping his fingers.

Anyway. Their first response was to say that if I said this they would have to involve social services. To which I said I didn't care as social services would do nothing about it. (I don't think they even did this today).

I said that they hadn't written a suicide safety plan with me and they were negligent. The manager then said that can only be written by a qualified person like a psychiatrist. That he had looked it up and that is what is says. Knowing that a psychiatrist would never spend time doing this I said, you mean like a therapist. Exactly he said. (I've just looked it up and anyone can write one).

I asked him to read my support plan and said none of my risks had been assessed. Not drug use or suicide, and for me the very real risk of being bed bound. I do not think he bothered to read my support plan.

As part of this conversation, as I've decided to attend Cocaine Anonymous for a social life, he said he was going to look up and print the cocaine anonymous contact information for me. He left without doing this....

I am really sad and also disgusted that these people are getting paid to 'support' me and they cannot even do risk assessments, even when begged to do risk assessments. Not just today but for months.

If I was more concerned about my personal safety rather than being in this miserable state where I want to die then I would be devastated by how negligent they are.

 

[UKscotty]

The government doesn't care about us and does nothing for suicide prevention.

The people working for them can really do very little to be fair to them.

 

[Death is my goal]

why did you tell him? also what's up with the "exit warning" lmao, if you gonna attempt make sure you succeed. no bs like "exit warning"

 

[LittleJem]

why did you tell him? also what's up with the "exit warning" lmao, if you gonna attempt make sure you succeed. no bs like "exit warning"

I'm telling them because it is all I think about. They also should have done some sucide prevention/risk assessment/safety planning with me. Instead, they have not done any. They only do anything when I make a fuss about it and even then they don't do much.

The exit warning is kind of because my family believe that I won't do it cos I've been talking about it for so many years. I'm figuring if I make an initial attempt then that will give everyone an advance warning that I mean it and also a chance to say goodbye or that kind of thing.

My first method is some kind of pills and plastic bag suffocation kind of thing. It might work so I will prepare for it as if it will work. BUT if it doesn't work then I will need to go for the 100 per cent definite method which is yew tree poisoning. Which ain't gonna be pretty but is my way of knowing that three hours of suffering is better than a lifetime more suffering to put myself out of my misery.

 

[Artemisia]

You may not like what I'm going to say, but it seems to me you really don't want to die. You want to be seen, listened to, you probably want your family and coworkers to respect you. I'm not sure exactly what you need changed in your life, but you definitely need a change. If you're old enough, move away. Do it. I know it can be hard, but you'll feel better when you're on your own. Break away or, if family is not the problem, look very deeply within yourself, find a therapist if you can, and search for what really needs to change.
The number of years you,ve been in this forum convince me further than you don't really want to off yourself. Change! Change what's wrong with your life. If it's not advanced illness or an addiction that can't be beaten (you can beat cocaine if that's your problem, I assure you. Heroin and it's family, now that's a different issue.), try a change. I know it's hard, but try to change yourself, how you see things maybe. Don't count on others to do it, to change, to give you the acceptance or respect you need. They won't. Look somewhere else, keep looking, I promise you'll find your crowd. Even an extreme introverted ace like myself did.

 

[LittleJem]

You may not like what I'm going to say, but it seems to me you really don't want to die. You want to be seen, listened to, you probably want your family and coworkers to respect you. I'm not sure exactly what you need changed in your life, but you definitely need a change. If you're old enough, move away. Do it. I know it can be hard, but you'll feel better when you're on your own. Break away or, if family is not the problem, look very deeply within yourself, find a therapist if you can, and search for what really needs to change.
The number of years you,ve been in this forum convince me further than you don't really want to off yourself. Change! Change what's wrong with your life. If it's not advanced illness or an addiction that can't be beaten (you can beat cocaine if that's your problem, I assure you. Heroin and it's family, now that's a different issue.), try a change. I know it's hard, but try to change yourself, how you see things maybe. Don't count on others to do it, to change, to give you the acceptance or respect you need. They won't. Look somewhere else, keep looking, I promise you'll find your crowd. Even an extreme introverted ace like myself did.

I really want to die.
I am 46.
I have now suffered for thirty years.
I have about four or five meds left to try and then ECT if they will give it to me.
Do I owe those weeks of extra suffering to my family?
I am calling this 52 weeks to live.
I have nothing worth living for…my whole life is in ruins thanks to mental illness.
My length of time on this forum shows how long I have endured suffering.

I've had lots of therapy.
I'm living in supported accommodation.
Moving is not possible and will not help.
Being on holiday I still want to die.

I'm pleased for you that your life is different to mine.

 

[Artemisia]

I'm so sorry to hear your situation is so bad. I really hoped your post was just a cry for help.
My life isn't any better than yours. I'm 49 and for the past 2 years all I can do is sleep or watch TV. Incompetent, careless doctors and therapists have destroyed my body in such a way I can barely walk or do anything. I don't want to die, but also don't want to survive in this misery. I don't know how long I'll be around, but I'm sure it won't be much.
I can understand your situation, so I'm here if you want to talk. Sorry again for misinterpreting your post.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm so sorry to hear your situation is so bad. I really hoped your post was just a cry for help.
My life isn't any better than yours. I'm 49 and for the past 2 years all I can do is sleep or watch TV. Incompetent, careless doctors and therapists have destroyed my body in such a way I can barely walk or do anything. I don't want to die, but also don't want to survive in this misery. I don't know how long I'll be around, but I'm sure it won't be much.
I can understand your situation, so I'm here if you want to talk. Sorry again for misinterpreting your post.

Oh it's really no worries. I'm just always on this forum which is why I replied. I will use any excuse to complain because that is my depressed mind state…I'm sorry you are suffering too