Story My brain is confused about what's real and what's not

[ForgottenAgain]

An hour or so ago I had a small psychotic episode. I was seeing this shadow figure on my PC screen and it was trying to get to me. The browser was showing red areas as to warn me of danger.

My boyfriend acted fast in explaining that I was seeing my reflection on the screen and the red was because of the browser's theme. Things that now obviously make sense but at the moment I feel like I am the one that knows the truth and he didn't believe me.

When it starts to subside I mostly feel confused, still wary of the shadow figure and anything red. I'm confused because it's hard to believe this is all in my head when it feels so real and plausible to me.

Even when I'm out of it, it's not like I believe what he said completely. I still think I was not wrong, that there was danger. I don't know, I'm confused and it worries me...

 

[Linda]

Just because something is real in your head doesn't mean it's real in reality. I don't have your kinds of experience, but I do sometimes get migraine auras. They are patterns of jagged black and white lines that usually start at a point and gradually expand over my visual field. It takes about 30 minutes for them to reach the edge of my eyes and then they disappear. They are real, in the sense that I can see them clearly, and I can't make them go away whatever I do. But because we don't usually encounter patterns of jagged lines like that in the real world, I have no difficulty recognising that they are not part of the real world. They are only in my head. Your problem is that the things you are seeing are much more like the things we see in the real world, so I can understand that it must be hard sometimes to tell the difference. Is there any kind of clue you could look for in these images that might tell you that they are not real? Any characteristic they have, however subtle, that would help you distinguish them from images coming from the external world? Next time it happens, would it be possible, after your girlfriend or someone has pointed out that they are not real, for you to study them carefully and try to detect some such characteristics? If you can succeed, you would then be in the same sort of situation as me, where the things are an annoyance but not a threat. I know that what I am suggesting is probably a long shot, but it can't do any harm to try.

 

[Meteora]

Hm. Are you in treatment? And have you had psychotic episodes before? If so, you should take your perception seriously.

 

[mortuarymary]

I call it brain fog.

 

[hurting]

There are so many things that could cause this from medications, diet, food, mental issues, and physical ailments. You really need to see a doctor. I hope you feel better.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Just because something is real in your head doesn't mean it's real in reality. I don't have your kinds of experience, but I do sometimes get migraine auras. They are patterns of jagged black and white lines that usually start at a point and gradually expand over my visual field. It takes about 30 minutes for them to reach the edge of my eyes and then they disappear. They are real, in the sense that I can see them clearly, and I can't make them go away whatever I do. But because we don't usually encounter patterns of jagged lines like that in the real world, I have no difficulty recognising that they are not part of the real world. They are only in my head. Your problem is that the things you are seeing are much more like the things we see in the real world, so I can understand that it must be hard sometimes to tell the difference. Is there any kind of clue you could look for in these images that might tell you that they are not real? Any characteristic they have, however subtle, that would help you distinguish them from images coming from the external world? Next time it happens, would it be possible, after your girlfriend or someone has pointed out that they are not real, for you to study them carefully and try to detect some such characteristics? If you can succeed, you would then be in the same sort of situation as me, where the things are an annoyance but not a threat. I know that what I am suggesting is probably a long shot, but it can't do any harm to try.

Thank you, that is a good advice. In the moment it can just be thoughts that I think are real like my phone is reading my mind or someone is hurting me telepathically. Those are the hardest for me. I will try to analise if there's something that would make them different from reality

Hm. Are you in treatment? And have you had psychotic episodes before? If so, you should take your perception seriously.

I am in treatment, I take psychiatric medication and have weekly appointments with my psychologist. I've been having these episodes for around 4 months now.
What do you mean with taking my perception seriously?

There are so many things that could cause this from medications, diet, food, mental issues, and physical ailments. You really need to see a doctor. I hope you feel better.

I have borderline PD which is what causes this. I am in treatment and taking medication.

 

[Meteora]

I am in treatment, I take psychiatric medication and have weekly appointments with my psychologist. I've been having these episodes for around 4 months now.
What do you mean with taking my perception seriously?

You write later that you have BPD. Ok. In the context of BPD I think these phenomenons are annoying but not "dangerous" in the sense that you ll end up losing reality completely (psychosis). I thought you might have schizophrenia.
Talk about it with your therapist.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

You write later that you have BPD. Ok. In the context of BPD I think these phenomenons are annoying but not "dangerous" in the sense that you ll end up losing reality completely (psychosis). I thought you might have schizophrenia.
Talk about it with your therapist.

No schizophrenia although Bipolar runs in the family. My cousin is bipolar and spoke about experiences of having to run in circles to turn back time or a huge need to go out at night and scream.
I don't know what kinds of things those are.
I had another episode today, things are subtle, I don't feel panic anymore, I feel worried and confused and I'm still confused now that I'm out of it.

 

[Kit1]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing these episodes and they sound quite scary. Definitely worth mentioning it to the psychologist when you see the.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing these episodes and they sound quite scary. Definitely worth mentioning it to the psychologist when you see the.

My psychologist is aware, he has been treating me for 16 years. I'm lucky to have a therapist I trust.
Thank you for the kind words

 

[Meteora]

It can be a stress reaction, when you have a lot of things going on your vision might tick you a bit.

 

[Mirrory Me]

screen was mirroring you. electricity sometimes act weird.