My boyfriend threatened to beat the shit of me.

[ForsakenDial]

He often makes jokes about me. About my race, about my physical attributes. I always perceived them as jokes. He always apologized whenever something truly bothered me.
Last night was different. I made a joke back in a similar vain, and he detailed how he would hurt me. He sounded genuinely annoyed. How he'll bash my face in. Throw me through a wall. And other forms of violence I can't recall because he kept going on and on. That entire night was jokes at my expense, but when I tried to banter in return he said those things.
Maybe it was a joke that didn't land. Maybe I went too far. I don't know. I feel I can't trust him anymore. He wanted us to meet up at a private airbnb. I don't want to anymore. He talks about bringing guns everywhere he goes and different types.

 

[Life_and_Death]

you deserve better than him. hes not "joking"

 

[SoulofSteel]

Sounds like he's just toxic and abusive, I would advise you to leave him.

 

[ForsakenDial]

Sounds like he's just toxic and abusive, I would advise you to leave him.

you deserve better than him. hes not "joking"

Hes nice and understanding usually. Just before that interaction he asked me to do things on camera I wasn't comfortable with. I finally mustered up the courage to say I didn't want to do it because I felt uncomfortable. He told me I should never feel forced to do anything, and that he would never hold it against me. He says that often, and never on the outside seems to hold a grudge.
We get along and have similar hobbies. Hes smart and kind. There was only occasions where he would do something intimidating. Usually hes being sweet or flirty. He tells me he loves me often and contacts me everyday. He might not be a bad guy, and I don't want to let him go so early. I never been in a relationship before until this one, and there might be something I can do to keep it healthy. Is there anything else I can do rather than leaving him?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Hes nice and understanding usually. Just before that interaction he asked me to do things on camera I wasn't comfortable with. I finally mustered up the courage to say I didn't want to do it because I felt uncomfortable. He told me I should never feel forced to do anything, and that he would never hold it against me. He says that often, and never on the outside seems to hold a grudge.
We get along and have similar hobbies. Hes smart and kind. There was only occasions where he would do something intimidating. Usually hes being sweet or flirty. He tells me he loves me often and contacts me everyday. He might not be a bad guy, and I don't want to let him go so early. I never been in a relationship before until this one, and there might be something I can do to keep it healthy. Is there anything else I can do rather than leaving him?

being nice is part of the manipulation. hes still hurting you. nothing should make threatening to hurt you ok

 

[LetMeBeSad]

Stab him in the throat in his sleep. Then tell him it was a just joke! No don't actually but, get away from this man. His jokes are not jokes and he sounds like an asshole.

 

[SoulofSteel]

Hes nice and understanding usually. Just before that interaction he asked me to do things on camera I wasn't comfortable with. I finally mustered up the courage to say I didn't want to do it because I felt uncomfortable. He told me I should never feel forced to do anything, and that he would never hold it against me. He says that often, and never on the outside seems to hold a grudge.
We get along and have similar hobbies. Hes smart and kind. There was only occasions where he would do something intimidating. Usually hes being sweet or flirty. He tells me he loves me often and contacts me everyday. He might not be a bad guy, and I don't want to let him go so early. I never been in a relationship before until this one, and there might be something I can do to keep it healthy. Is there anything else I can do rather than leaving him?

There's a good chance he's unstable or just manipulating you, either way I think him going off and threatening to beat the shit out of you is just crossing the line,
seriously word of advice if you cut him off early before you get really attached you'll save yourself a lot of emotional and (potentially physical) pain down the line.

 

[ForsakenDial]

being nice is part of the manipulation. hes still hurting you. nothing should make threatening to hurt you ok

Maybe I can talk to him about it. If he does it again I can tell him it makes me uncomfortable. And if he doubles down I can leave him. He might genuinely met it as a joke and it didn't land.
There is a chance he is abusive. I just hope he came off the wrong way. He saw everything of me, he was the first person I have ever revealed myself to. If he was abusive this entire time that would be he saved everything to try to blackmail me in the future. I never saved his stuff or ever thought about causing him any harm.
Everyone is probably right. I'm starting to feel that way too. For the first time I began to feel safe with someone. To know I've been used all over again hurts so bad.

There's a good chance he's unstable or just manipulating you, either way I think him going off and threatening to beat the shit out of you is just crossing the line,
seriously word of advice if you cut him off early before you get really attached you'll save yourself a lot of emotional and (potentially physical) pain down the line.

He has my nudes. What do I do?

 

[UsagiDrop]

Is there anything else I can do rather than leaving him?

Usually I try to avoid telling people to break up, because I know that's what nobody wants to hear, and nobody is likely to take the advice. The truth is that no matter how shitty a relationship is or no matter the red flag, people won't leave until they're well and ready to. So when you ask if there's anything else you can do other than leaving, there's always the option to stay. But if he's going to hurt you, he'll find a reason and a way to do it. I suppose you can just do what he's essentially training you to do with his response, which is to lay low, duck your head, never make jokes about that topic again, and allow him to continue to make jokes at the extent of your dignity and feelings. You can (and should) probably talk to him about how it makes you feel for the sake of clarity, but I predict that he will do the same song and dance of apology, and when you ''mess up" again he will try to punish you in a similar way.

I know that it's hard because you said this is your first relationship. There is a possibility that he is banking on your attachment and nativity as a result. Speaking from experience, when a man "jokes" about hurting you… he wants to, he will, and he's going to take great enjoyment in it. It's even more distressing that he's okay with making jokes to degrade you over the things you can't change. Over time these things erode at your confidence and make you much easier to abuse. All abusers pretend to be someone they're not in order to trap you, and then when you're stuck, they only reward you with that version of them every so often to keep you in the trap. Right now he's doing the opposite; showering you with affection and letting his mask slip every so often to test your boundaries and initiate an ugly cycle of abuse. There's also a chance that you're right and it's really just a misunderstanding, but usually, sticking around to find out doesn't end well

Please be safe and careful with this man. Again, I won't suggest a break up, because it's clear that you don't want to. But I hope you keep the things you've heard here in mind. Wishing you the best.

 

[SoulofSteel]

He has my nudes. What do I do?

I'd say tell him that you're uncomfortable with that and ask him to delete them.

 

[ForsakenDial]

Usually I try to avoid telling people to break up, because I know that's what nobody wants to hear, and nobody is likely to take the advice. The truth is that no matter how shitty a relationship is or no matter the red flag, people won't leave until they're well and ready to. So when you ask if there's anything else you can do other than leaving, there's always the option to stay. But if he's going to hurt you, he'll find a reason and a way to do it. I suppose you can just do what he's essentially training you to do with his response, which is to lay low, duck your head, never make jokes about that topic again, and allow him to continue to make jokes at the extent of your dignity and feelings. You can (and should) probably talk to him about how it makes you feel for the sake of clarity, but I predict that he will do the same song and dance of apology, and when you ''mess up" again he will try to punish you in a similar way.

I know that it's hard because you said this is your first relationship. There is a possibility that he is banking on your attachment and nativity as a result. Speaking from experience, when a man "jokes" about hurting you… he wants to, he will, and he's going to take great enjoyment in it. It's even more distressing that he's okay with making jokes to degrade you over the things you can't change. Over time these things erode at your confidence and make you much easier to abuse. All abusers pretend to be someone they're not in order to trap you, and then when you're stuck, they only reward you with that version of them every so often to keep you in the trap. Right now he's doing the opposite; showering you with affection and letting his mask slip every so often to test your boundaries and initiate an ugly cycle of abuse. There's also a chance that you're right and it's really just a misunderstanding, but usually, sticking around to find out doesn't end well

Please be safe and careful with this man. Again, I won't suggest a break up, because it's clear that you don't want to. But I hope you keep the things you've heard here in mind. Wishing you the best.

You and everyone else are right. It is going to be painful, but I'm going to talk to him about it. I'm going to tell him last night was not okay. I'll be more distant with him, mentally preparing myself to leave him if he does it again. I want to know if it truly is a misunderstanding, and not an abuser who is attempting to manipulate me. Today I'm going to work on figuring that out. I will not forget what you and others have told me here. I will not put myself in situations where I'll be defenseless should he decide to show his true colors. And i won't let him push my boundaries anymore either. If I can't make those jokes, neither can he. And he will not be allowed to threaten me like that anymore.

I'd say tell him that you're uncomfortable with that and ask him to delete them.

I will. I have no way to confirm whether or not he will delete them. We spent time over social media video calling, and he could of screen recorded entire interactions. But, I will talk to him about it.

 

[Valky]

girl, run

 

[ResilientAF]

He isn't any kind of a boyfriend if he does that. Get out of there. You deserve better. Been there, so many times I gave chance upon chance and it was only when he battered me at 4 months pregnant that I finally got out of it. It was hard going, not easy by any stretch of the imagination, particularly with a toddler in tow but I dread to think what my life would have been like if I stuck around. Ex was a cunt, still is. Glad to be rid. Good luck. Hope you find the strength to do the right thing. Not easy but your gut feeling will tell you. It's there for a reason. Take care.

 

[Kevin_Logan]

He wanted us to meet up at a private airbnb

He either will kill you, rape you or boths (dont know what will be the exact order)

 

[Myforevercharlie]

"Hes nice and understanding usually"

Famous last words.

Run. Leave.Go.

Up to you ofcourse, but i can predict without looking into a crystal ball that you will get hurt.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Hes nice and understanding usually... Hes smart and kind.

"There was only occasions where he would do something intimidating."

I'm sorry, but he's really not. If he was nice and understanding he wouldn't have done any of the things you mentioned that hurt you. I'm sorry but he's manipulated you. As someone else said, you're going to have to make the decision yourself to leave him.

I'm sorry this is your first relationship and it's like this. The reality is that a lot of first relationships are like this and that is what abusive people bank on, because you don't know any better. I'm sorry he has your nudes and things, I'm going to say there's about a 99.99% chance that he won't delete those and will lie about it if he said he would. You could ask him to delete them anyway, but in the end it won't matter a great deal, because imo you should make the decision to leave him.

I guess ask how you would feel if somebody else's bf was doing all this stuff to them, what would you think? A boyfriend isn't supposed to be abusive to his gf, that's what he's doing.

 

[SexyIncél]

If you're gonna exit (which is wise), do so respectfully. With reasonable quickness. Don't poke the bear. He showed you something, and you don't understand the mechanism; but it's disturbing & escalating

He will not be any nicer. He'll be worse. Charm eventually fades & the mask comes off

Also, he may be dangerous to anyone else around him. If you decide to inform any of them, ensure it's not traceable back to you. Maybe don't, if you're not successful at manipulations — because his gf (you) is the biggest target