My body is the only thing left to die.

[BurningLights]

After days of wondering, contemplating and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that I have nigh on killed my soul.
What I assume was a beautiful glowing soul at one time, Is now in a state not worthy of an afterlife.

(These are my opinions and beliefs on my own situation)
I remember when I was happiest, a bouncing length of energy and positivity, I bet my soul was thriving back then, however I have neglected it. To the point which it is laughable to think I was worthy of an afterlife. I have come to terms with this, I know that when I do CTB, that will be it, snuffed out like a light.
Its a heavy weight to bare, I must admit, but I'm left unable to save myself, I don't have the energy, strength, resources, money or even will to try and save my soul.
I have 4 days till the shit hits the fan. 4 days to get the courage to CTB, Or to confess everything to someone. 4 days to decide wether I want to live or die.
I dont even know if I'm actually suicidal anymore. I don't crave it like I used to. But I don't crave life either.

Fuck me.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I get this. .. I'm burned out . I'm fucking destroyed inside. I'm in a place now where I feel I can't live but I also can't die. I'm trapped. It's very difficult. For now I'm going to be around.

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm right there with you, BurningLights and FuckingLovingIt. Utterly, miserably, despondantly exhausted --and stuck. I think I'm getting closer to another attempt, but at times the hill up to the cliff looks too damn high to climb.

 

[BurningLights]

I'm right there with you, BurningLights and FuckingLovingIt. Utterly, miserably, despondantly exhausted --and stuck. I think I'm getting closer to another attempt, but at times the hill up to the cliff looks too damn high to climb.

I would join you if I could, tiredhorse.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I would join you if I could, tiredhorse.

Me too. Climbing seems. So. Fucking. Exhausting. Right. Now.....

 

[BurningLights]

If I knew, with absolute certainty, that was the last hill I had to climb, well... I will see you beautiful people at the top

 

[Help_Me]

I get you, mate. I'm completely dead inside for a long time as well. Only the meat left... useless meat.

 

[BurningLights]

I get you, mate. I'm completely dead inside for a long time as well. Only the meat left... useless meat.

We are but mere meat machines

 

[Xerxes]

Just here, just a shell taking up space. I went to Miami over the holidays, wife was giving me hell over petty shit and I lost it, but she calmed down, I went with the notion in my head that she hates me but won't say it. Just easier for me if I keep on thinking she hates me. Starting to believe she gets a kick out of me being angry and depressed at the same time which makes me do impulsive shit. Puts a smile on her face all the time.

 

[Retched]

I'm exhausted, isolated and hardly able to function. I'm drowning in society and my job, I can hardly do my job. I don't remember shit anymore except how I've fucked up and how I want this all to be over.

 

[Sinbad]

I'm exhausted, isolated and hardly able to function. I'm drowning in society and my job, I can hardly do my job. I don't remember shit anymore except how I've fucked up and how I want this all to be over.

Damn, I have the same symptoms.. brain fog and overly focusing on my daily small fuck ups to justify my worthlessness.

 

[Retched]

Damn, I have the same symptoms.. brain fog and overly focusing on my daily small fuck ups to justify my worthlessness.

Well put.

 

[starcrossedfate]

Yeah, I'm just bones in a box.

 

[worldexploder]

Yeah, I'm just bones in a box.

Damn that is a powerful way to put it

 

[worldexploder]

I'm pretty much a ghost at this point. My life has been over for a long time now. Just waiting to set up an execution date so I'll finally be free.

 

[Miss clefable]

@BurningLights @Fucking loving it
Hugs you will reach the afterlife
You both have beautiful souls

 

[Miss clefable]

I'm trapped my gf doesn't want me to have a peaceful death

 

[worldexploder]

I'm trapped my gf doesn't want me to have a peaceful death

I'm sorry. You deserve to have what you want and need. Nobody but my ex-wife recognizes my right to die. My aunt loves me but will never truly understand. She still has "hope" that I'll wake up one day and be a totally different person. Someone I never was and never will be.

 

[BurningLights]

@BurningLights @Fucking loving it
Hugs you will reach the afterlife
You both have beautiful souls

That was a beautiful message to read in the morning :) thank you miss clef