Venting my bf treats me like shit but maybe i just deserve it

[Embalmer]

I'm too tired to even try to leave him again, everytime i do he comes back months later and apologizes for "mentally torturing" me (his words). Whenever I think im finally over him he comes back. We've been dating for almost a year now this time, and all he does is call me worthless, tell me to shut up constantly, makes fun of my body for being skinny and not like his fav porn stars, and hides our relationship from everyone. I used to think i just didnt want a loving relationship, and convinced myself I liked being treated horribly as some sick way to cope and to stop myself from CTB at the time. But i realize now i want nothing more than to just be told someone loves me, to be called pretty, and to feel like im worth something, literally anything. I used to vent about him on reddit and everyone would beg me to leave, so at this point i dont even deserve sympathy as its all my own fault for being too weak to leave. Hes all I have left, without him I'll be all alone. But I cant do anything around him without being made fun of, so i just shut down when im with him which makes him more mad at me. Yesterday he even made fun of me for venting online since i cant talk to him about my problems, (last time i opened up to him and told him i struggle with self harm he used it against me in an argument infront of our shared friendgroup at the time). I used to look at him with such love and admiration, wanting nothing more than to make him feel happy and loved. Now its just an overwhelming sense of guilt and hidden resentment as he's more of a way for me to punish myself even further for my weakness instead of just my boyfriend.

 

[90starve]

im so sorry to read of your situation. i have experienced something quite similar, so i understand how devastating it can be to be trapped in a relationship like the one you describe.

from reading this one post, it seems to me that you understand that this guy doesn't respect you. it's a heartbreaking realisation to make, but is important to think about.

i completely disagree with you when you say you no longer deserve sympathy.
it is of no fault of your own that you feel unable to leave him! people like this can be extremely good at altering the way you think slowly over the duration of the relationship, using words or actions that belittle you and degrade your self esteem.
they are able to isolate you from your peers, making you easier prey since they are now the only person you can turn to for support, and making you feel as though you're stuck with them. it's all part of the process.

i don't think you should blame yourself for being manipulated, which i'm sure is what's happening here.

the best thing you can do for yourself here is break up with him. if you block him, it will make it harder for him to slide back in later.
i promise that this is the best course of action.

when this is all over, you may find yourself reconnecting with old friends and even making new ones!

wishing you the best and please keep us updated <3

 

[juraviel]

yes you'll be alone. but i dont have a clue how you think that'll be worse than what you described. no. idea.

and by the way ask yourself at least if you makes you think that you're not alone. you might technically be girlfriend and boyfriend but it doesn't even feel like that to you.

 

[Fml]

You should definitely leave him, it will be hard to do but trust me you will feel better in the long run. You don't deserve to be treated like that and you can do better than him. Being on your own is SO much better than being with someone like that and you will feel happier without him. Get out sooner rather than later before things get worse, I wish you good luck.

 

[SexyIncél]

But i realize now i want nothing more than to just be told someone loves me, to be called pretty, and to feel like im worth something, literally anything. I used to vent about him on reddit and everyone would beg me to leave, so at this point i dont even deserve sympathy as its all my own fault for being too weak to leave. Hes all I have left, without him I'll be all alone.

Ok, it won't work if I say "mebbe u should leave huh?" So we're in TrickyLand

Questions:

1. what kind of person do you want loving you, in this way? Like, honestly. Do you secretly want someone a bit assholish, just not as much as this guy? What gender(s)? Any other constraints, like appearance?
2. what's the barriers to attracting them?
3. what do you have that might attract them?

If loneliness may crush you even more than being a punching bag, maybe line up his replacement! Then drop his betraying ass

 

[PartlyHuman]

How not being able to leave makes you weak? You go through the abuse every single day, if it makes you weak I'm not sure who we could qualify as strong. And it doesn't make you any worse kind of a person.

Most abuse victims can't leave it by themselves, it's how abuse works. Fire burns, abuse is hard to leave. Would you call every of them weak?

Most definitely you should leave. Contact any kind of anti-violence/anti-abuse organisation and follow their advice.

 

[Embalmer]

im so sorry to read of your situation. i have experienced something quite similar, so i understand how devastating it can be to be trapped in a relationship like the one you describe.

from reading this one post, it seems to me that you understand that this guy doesn't respect you. it's a heartbreaking realisation to make, but is important to think about.

i completely disagree with you when you say you no longer deserve sympathy.
it is of no fault of your own that you feel unable to leave him! people like this can be extremely good at altering the way you think slowly over the duration of the relationship, using words or actions that belittle you and degrade your self esteem.
they are able to isolate you from your peers, making you easier prey since they are now the only person you can turn to for support, and making you feel as though you're stuck with them. it's all part of the process.

i don't think you should blame yourself for being manipulated, which i'm sure is what's happening here.

the best thing you can do for yourself here is break up with him. if you block him, it will make it harder for him to slide back in later.
i promise that this is the best course of action.

when this is all over, you may find yourself reconnecting with old friends and even making new ones!

wishing you the best and please keep us updated <3

I'm so sorry you experienced something similar :(, I'll definitely make an update whenever I decide to leave as reading this made me more hopeful and I opened up to one of my close friends and she's doing her best to help me come up with a plan to distance myself from him once and for all. <3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. No one deserves that shit. Just leave this loser already take back your pride.

 

[90starve]

I'm so sorry you experienced something similar :(, I'll definitely make an update whenever I decide to leave as reading this made me more hopeful and I opened up to one of my close friends and she's doing her best to help me come up with a plan to distance myself from him once and for all. <3

im so glad you have someone beside you to help you through this difficult time, and it's nice to read you're feeling hopeful :)

keep a strong head imengelic

 

[Rational man]

I think people like that find it hard to change because he may have had it difficult in childhood. Does he have a string of failed relationships at every level?! You both need help. YOU because this is abuse. HIM, because he seems angry. Either way, things need to change to save your sanity!. Being alone surely is better than this crap. Good luck.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm too tired to even try to leave him again, everytime i do he comes back months later and apologizes for "mentally torturing" me (his words). Whenever I think im finally over him he comes back. We've been dating for almost a year now this time, and all he does is call me worthless, tell me to shut up constantly, makes fun of my body for being skinny and not like his fav porn stars, and hides our relationship from everyone. I used to think i just didnt want a loving relationship, and convinced myself I liked being treated horribly as some sick way to cope and to stop myself from CTB at the time. But i realize now i want nothing more than to just be told someone loves me, to be called pretty, and to feel like im worth something, literally anything. I used to vent about him on reddit and everyone would beg me to leave, so at this point i dont even deserve sympathy as its all my own fault for being too weak to leave. Hes all I have left, without him I'll be all alone. But I cant do anything around him without being made fun of, so i just shut down when im with him which makes him more mad at me. Yesterday he even made fun of me for venting online since i cant talk to him about my problems, (last time i opened up to him and told him i struggle with self harm he used it against me in an argument infront of our shared friendgroup at the time). I used to look at him with such love and admiration, wanting nothing more than to make him feel happy and loved. Now its just an overwhelming sense of guilt and hidden resentment as he's more of a way for me to punish myself even further for my weakness instead of just my boyfriend.

You don't deserve to be treated like shit.
Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole.
Dump him.
You deserve better.
Sorry for being so blunt, but it's true.

 

[Kerock]

My sis was in an abusive relationship like that. At some point he held a knife to her throat. Even if he didn't hold a knife to you or hit you, it's not a toxic relationship, but a very abusive one. Like you said you want to be held,feel secure, and have some tell you they love and your pretty. You should do your best to leave him and completely disconnect from him. I know it's tough and there's a lot of emotions associated with it. But at some point enough is enough and I hope your able to leave without having to ctb.

 

[Rational man]

"I believe that if you'll just stand up and go, life will open up for you."... Tina Turner.

A message from the late beautiful lady. She was amazing and her wisdom profound. Something I've had to painfully learn from an abusive partner and asshole narcissistic family.

 

[The anhedonic one]

"I believe that if you'll just stand up and go, life will open up for you."... Tina Turner.

A message from the late beautiful lady. She was amazing and her wisdom profound. Something I've had to painfully learn from an abusive partner and asshole narcissistic family.

I remember something about Tina turner being a Buddhist. Probably why she was so wise.

 

[aadyawanttok1llher]

you can't let your self worth be defined by a man dude, you are not alone and if you feel lonely just come online and chat with us, don't let a man, destroy a good future that you may have.

I'm too tired to even try to leave him again, everytime i do he comes back months later and apologizes for "mentally torturing" me (his words). Whenever I think im finally over him he comes back. We've been dating for almost a year now this time, and all he does is call me worthless, tell me to shut up constantly, makes fun of my body for being skinny and not like his fav porn stars, and hides our relationship from everyone. I used to think i just didnt want a loving relationship, and convinced myself I liked being treated horribly as some sick way to cope and to stop myself from CTB at the time. But i realize now i want nothing more than to just be told someone loves me, to be called pretty, and to feel like im worth something, literally anything. I used to vent about him on reddit and everyone would beg me to leave, so at this point i dont even deserve sympathy as its all my own fault for being too weak to leave. Hes all I have left, without him I'll be all alone. But I cant do anything around him without being made fun of, so i just shut down when im with him which makes him more mad at me. Yesterday he even made fun of me for venting online since i cant talk to him about my problems, (last time i opened up to him and told him i struggle with self harm he used it against me in an argument infront of our shared friendgroup at the time). I used to look at him with such love and admiration, wanting nothing more than to make him feel happy and loved. Now its just an overwhelming sense of guilt and hidden resentment as he's more of a way for me to punish myself even further for my weakness instead of just my boyfriend.

 

[Embalmer]

im so sorry to read of your situation. i have experienced something quite similar, so i understand how devastating it can be to be trapped in a relationship like the one you describe.

from reading this one post, it seems to me that you understand that this guy doesn't respect you. it's a heartbreaking realisation to make, but is important to think about.

i completely disagree with you when you say you no longer deserve sympathy.
it is of no fault of your own that you feel unable to leave him! people like this can be extremely good at altering the way you think slowly over the duration of the relationship, using words or actions that belittle you and degrade your self esteem.
they are able to isolate you from your peers, making you easier prey since they are now the only person you can turn to for support, and making you feel as though you're stuck with them. it's all part of the process.

i don't think you should blame yourself for being manipulated, which i'm sure is what's happening here.

the best thing you can do for yourself here is break up with him. if you block him, it will make it harder for him to slide back in later.
i promise that this is the best course of action.

when this is all over, you may find yourself reconnecting with old friends and even making new ones!

wishing you the best and please keep us updated <3

Kinda late update sorry haha, but I just broke up with him!!! I feel much better even though it took me a while to figure things out, but now I'm safe and don't have to deal with him again :)

 

[no.hope]

I'm too tired to even try to leave him again, everytime i do he comes back months later and apologizes for "mentally torturing" me (his words). Whenever I think im finally over him he comes back. We've been dating for almost a year now this time, and all he does is call me worthless, tell me to shut up constantly, makes fun of my body for being skinny and not like his fav porn stars, and hides our relationship from everyone. I used to think i just didnt want a loving relationship, and convinced myself I liked being treated horribly as some sick way to cope and to stop myself from CTB at the time. But i realize now i want nothing more than to just be told someone loves me, to be called pretty, and to feel like im worth something, literally anything. I used to vent about him on reddit and everyone would beg me to leave, so at this point i dont even deserve sympathy as its all my own fault for being too weak to leave. Hes all I have left, without him I'll be all alone. But I cant do anything around him without being made fun of, so i just shut down when im with him which makes him more mad at me. Yesterday he even made fun of me for venting online since i cant talk to him about my problems, (last time i opened up to him and told him i struggle with self harm he used it against me in an argument infront of our shared friendgroup at the time). I used to look at him with such love and admiration, wanting nothing more than to make him feel happy and loved. Now its just an overwhelming sense of guilt and hidden resentment as he's more of a way for me to punish myself even further for my weakness instead of just my boyfriend.

dump him rn

 

[90starve]

Kinda late update sorry haha, but I just broke up with him!!! I feel much better even though it took me a while to figure things out, but now I'm safe and don't have to deal with him again :)

well isn't that the best news ever! it's hard to leave a relationship sometimes, but im sure you'll see the benefits start to come in very soon. congratulations on single life <3