Venting My bf said my life does not belong to me

[struggles_inc]

I was talking to him about depression and suicide and he said I have no right to ctb because I would upset him and my mom. He said I don't choose when and how to die.
Been crying ever since.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Run!

I hear a possessive dude.
Leave while you still can.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

I'm sorry you had to hear that from someone you care about and is meant to care about you. Def a you really don't see me moment. Have you ever discussed this before?

 

[certified_idiot]

You have bodily autonomy. Your life is yours. You can CBT if you want to, no one can make that decision for you. If people are trying to control your life, especially if they consistently doing it, even after you've told them not to, get away from them. That kind of behavior is toxic. I think your bf might think he's helping you, but if it's more damaging then helpful, tell him, and if he keeps doing that, leave him.

 

[struggles_inc]

Run!

It's a really long-term relationship. Very rocky. Also Im really sorry that I talk about this stuff here. Someone told me earlier that I shouldn't complain about relationship stuff on this forum. So thanks a lot for taking to me.

Also wow global mod!!! Hiiiiiiiii

you really don't see me

Yeah, exactly this. I always get burned when I ask him for support.

You can CBT if you want to, no one can make that decision for you.

I thought this should be basic common sense by now. I have autonomy / control over so little in this fucking life but I at least should be able to hold control of my body right?? I'm not sure how to talk to him though because we kind of were at disagreement over similar topic - abortion. He doesn't support that at all.

 

[Rev346]

I hate when people say that. I have to be independent, I have to work, I have to make my decisions, but when I want to leave it's suddenly not my decision? My dad gave me that carp when I was a kid. It's my life except when I want to end it.
Leave him. It will be tough, especially if long term, but hopefully things will get better. As Battle Beast says "is familiar hell better than unknown heaven?"

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Bullshit, our lives do belong to us. I hate the people who say otherwise. We were all born against our consent and we are all in control of our own individual lives so that makes our life ours. My life doesn't belong to my family or to society or to an arbitrary piece of land I was born in or to the elites... no, it belongs to me and me only. If I say that my life has been lived (or, more accurately, survived) long enough, then my life has survived long enough and I should be allowed a peaceful exit out of life. It's that simple. We don't owe anybody and anything our lives

 

[mythofsisyphus]

I don't think people saying things like this necessarily comes from a selfish/toxic/controlling/possessive place. I think it often comes from a place of fear and inability to empathise with the depths of suffering needed to contemplate suicide. I think as humans we relate to other people's situations via our own experiences and life. If someone's never been suicidal, there's just no way for them to fully understand or empathise with it, it just doesn't make sense to them and no matter what we say it's unlikely they'll actually 'get it' completely. It's not because they're selfish or not trying, they just can't do it.

Sure, they could certainly respond better, I'm not denying that. But I think it's very natural to react from a place of fear when hearing a loved one express being suicidal, and this leads them to say things like this that just aren't helpful. Again, I don't think it's because they're trying to control us or whatever.. they're scared, they don't understand and because of this they feel powerless.

Maybe you could try gently explaining to your boyfriend how he could best be there for you - e.g. just listening, not offering solutions or saying things that make you feel more trapped or powerless?

Obviously you know your boyfriend and the situation better than anyone here, but perhaps don't automatically jump to him being selfish/controlling etc., I imagine a lot of people would say similar things initially, despite how unhelpful it is.

Despite all this, I totally get why it upset you - I'm sorry it felt like he didn't understand or care.

 

[Ash]

More than one thing can be true at the same time.

- if you killed yourself, it undoubtedly would upset your boyfriend and mother
- it's still your body and your life and you have autonomy

I'm not surprised you're upset but it sounds to me that either he's ultra controlling as the title of the post implies or he's equally upset, and his reaction is because he's devastated at the thought of losing you - not just losing you because you've dumped him but losing you off the face of earth forever. This isn't an easy subject to talk about, we all know that, but neither is it an easy subject to listen to and I think sometimes we forget that.

Just some thoughts.