Venting my bestie told all of my other friends abt my suicidal thoughts

[iori011x3]

i have someone i consistently rant to about all my suicidal thoughts. it made my life slightly more bearable. i thought they were chill and would stay confidential, especially since they somewhat helped me plan my methods and seemed to not object with anything i said.

yesterday, one of my friends barged into my house after a failed ctb attempt. it was a really unsuccessful attempt and i'm not even surprised it didnt work. it was super impulsive since i felt like i really couldn't do it anymore at that moment. i planned for feburary, but that's a different story. she came in with her mom and explained everything as best she could to my mom and basically revealled to my mother that i was suicidal. i'm not sure how much my mom took in as she's not the best w/ english. she never talked to me abt it afterwards so i hope i'm safe...

anyways, my friend revealled to me that the person i rant to was keeping her updated on things that concerned him. and that she was checking up on me to make sure i didnt ctb. the person i ranted to apparently also informed another one of my friends because they sent me a block of text a few moments later.

i feel so betrayed ??? the person i rant to also said that i could still rant to them but they couldnt promise any confidentiality after this incident. in hindsight, it was probably dumb to even reveal my thoughts to someone else but i couldn't help it. i just want an outlet. i'm having to pretend i'm getting better to all my friends and everyone is constantly checking up on me. it's so fucking draining to reassure others i'm okay or fine or some other generic message. i don't have anyone to vent to anymore and its getting harder and harder to not impulsively ctb. the more they check up on me, the more i just want to slit my throat and be done with it. but ofc, SI has to get in the way

hopefully... my plan is still okay...... idk i'm panicking a little because i've alr invested my emotions into this and i'll probably breakdown if i have to make a new one.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm really sorry for all of that. You deserve someone to be able to vent to without having to worry about consequences, etc. I'm sorry that it's making things more difficult for you.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

This is why I'm very glad to be in a position where I don't have friends that I feel temptation to want to rant to because they never know what they'll do behind your back or who they'll tell because they will definitely feel compelled to tell someone else what it is you are up to. It's a bit odd that the person you ranted to helped you with your method and the planning of it but still told someone else without your consent. I understand needing an outlet, dealing with all this but personally, this is why I just dont have it in me to tell someone, not even uttering a word to give someone the impression that I'm planning this. Now, the person who put you in this position still wants you to rant but how can you trust someone who compromised everything especially now since everyone's concern is overwhelming you. I just find it a little two faced that now they don't promise confidentiality after this incident but didn't think to respect that beforehand.

 

[Angel of Spades]

Something similar has happened to me in the past. Unfortunately that's the ugly reality of having friends sometimes; they care too much to leave it alone, but you also feel the need to talk to them because if not them then who?

It's tough. After I was betrayed once, I never trusted again.

 

[vesisika]

I was once that friend who "betrayed" someone but I would like to tell a little more about my perspective. (They are 20 years old, they had never seeked for help and they aren't physically ill or disabled and they were financially stable and in a safe environment) They also have a bf and a lot friends so many things are great for them. But they are also very depressed and having ED&hating themselves etc, traumatic childhood and so on. So they started to be suicidal and they hurted themselves. In the nights they cut themselves and ranted about it to me and for months I had to be awake like at 3am so they wouldn't be alone. They started telling me how and when they will kill themselves. My best friend. I was very sick of that thought so I told about them to a psychologist. Then they blocked me and we haven't talked since. I just hope they got the help they deserved. I don't know your cases but just know they didn't probably want to betray you. Or it wasn't an easy choice. Like... seeing an amazing person who could have a happy life in the future torturing and killing themselves while you have to listen to that every day and night. It is not an easy choice.

 

[pole]

that isn't your best friend.

I had someone similar a few years ago do this to me. had known them for 10+ years, I was always closed off and never wanting to open up, but they encouraged me to. and when I did….

they were telling people behind my back how I should grow up and stop being an attention seeker, how it was exhausting to listen to, etc.

cut them off right then and there, regardless of how long our relationship was. blocked them everywhere and went no contact.

screw that person and drop them. it's best to keep these heavy things to ourselves and not expect others to shoulder the burden. it just isn't worth it.

 

[hi-okbye]

I'm sorry to see everyone go through something similar.
Personally for me something similar happened as well. I trusted a good "friend" telling them about my hospitalization a year or so back. After that they completely ghosted me, and told other people in my group (I think), because they ended up all ghosting me too.

It really does suck how cruel people can be :(

 

[CheekyPhobia]

Betrayal of trust is such a horrible feeling.

 

[iori011x3]

Why would you? You should ditch all of those scumbags as soon as possible and never even let them approach you again.

i would but i've basically been friends with all of them for 70% of my lifetime. also if i go MIA, they'll probably contact my parents. one of them had their mom exchange contacts with mine. i'm still young (turned 18 in aug) and still adjusting to adulthood + independence :(