Listen you probably already know that, but if you're here i'll assume you're an adult right? Sure, losing a friend is always painful but think about this in that angle, it was a kid, kids often say shit they'll regret later and that is definitely one of them trust me. Now unfortunately i doubt there's anything left but to let time heal that wound, and focus on much more healthier relationships with people who are older and understand boundaries.
I wish you all the luck you need and that you'll overcome this feeling.
One of my many reasons for CTB is for being a social outcast with ASD.
After a certain age, you stop taking shit from other people. The kid is a 16 year old edgelord who thought he was being mean, but ended up saying some pathetic shit. Don't let it get to you, there are better people in your age group and you should hang out with them more minors because of legal reasons. 16 year old kid gonna have his first date and get stood up one day and find himself on this site when he's 18.
ive learnt my lesson. Honestly I just wish him the best, I forgive him, but we haven't talked. I know most people reading this think it is creepy and weird to be so close with a teenager who isn't mature but he was the only one there for me when I had my SN attempt. But sadly our opposite personalities clashed to much and it is the end. He was the only person I lived for, I never met anyone in my life that actually wanted to get to know me, and like me. Growing up I was bullied and mocked for my autism, and on top of it my skin colour made me a bullying target. My childhood trauma made everyone fear me because of my Violent temper tantrums and antisocial tendencies brought on by the abuse. I love him like a brother but I'm im too broken and I give up. I have nothing to live for and my life is a failure, especially since college is over due to the pandemic. I hope I can look down on him after I ctb and accept myself of being a shitty person and loosing everything.
I'm lonely too, lost my only friend few days ago, so I understand what you going thru, hugs.
Feel free to DM me anytime. I'm here for you and I never judge people's life stories for joining the community.
The way you describe him doesn't make him sound like a best friend at all.
I think you'll be better off him without him.
And as for ctb, it doesn't matter what people say, it's only your decision whether to go for it or not.
Sadly I must go through with it. I'm terrified and don't want to die but I ruined all my chances. I threw them away. I regret my selfishness and being a horrible person and pushing everyone away, now I have no one.
A real friend would never say that. I'm sorry they did :(
It hurts even more because he acts exactly like I did when I was 15. I was in a children's home at the time and my BPD bipolar had manifested at that time so I had no understanding why my mood would shift every hour. It was scary and I had no help from CAHMS. I would scream at staff and threaten to kill them. I look back on my actions and just see me acting out on others as a vessel for what I wanted to say to my abuser.
