Venting My best friend snitched and told my parents about my most recent attempt

[CyBerry]

I'm in a whirlwind of emotions right now, a couple days ago I tried to ctb and kill myself behind the library of my college after i got sexually assaulted by a guy I went on a date with back in November, well I failed and ended up making the grave mistake of crying about it to my best friend, they comforted me and for a couple days after it was fine I thought things went back to normal but then they asked me if I could have a very important talk with them, we went back to my dorm and they asked me if I could give them my parents number for emergencies and stuff, I stupidly agreed and gave it to them because sometimes we do go out at night and comeback really late and stuff, but as soon as I gave it to them they made an ultimatum that either she will call my parents and tell them herself about my attempt or that she will have to call emt's, I felt so fucking betrayed because we have gotten so close over this year, I have never had the best relationship at all with my parents and I started bawling like a fucking bitch like i couldn't form sentences n shit, that night she ended up calling my parents in front of me and told them what happened, my parents then called me after talking to my friend and it was so uncomfortable, i have always felt like i could never trust them with any information about my personal life due to some things that happened in the past and being forced to tell them the details about my sexual assault and how I tried to kill myself after it felt like torture, I understand why my friend did it but it still fucking hurts, also since what happened I've slowly started getting into smoking weed more and it's really fucking me up because it's finals week and honestly I'm starting to not give two fucks about what I end up getting for grades, I'm trying super hard to not cut myself more because I'll be going home soon and I don't want my scars to be too fresh when my parents see me again but I really really want to I fucking hate myself so bad oh my god honestly I'm thinking about throwing all caution to the wind and just doing it all I can think about is how much more pain I deserve for being too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself in the first place, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust that fucking friend again with any sensitive information

 

[Hystearical]

I am sorry that happened. Feeling betrayed is very understandable no matter how much you can intellectually understand your friend's reasons. Something similar happened to me where my friend called EMS on me. I understand why she did but it really hurt (compounded by the fact that it ended up being a completely uselessly traumatic experience and she did not care about this fact). We are still friends but it permanently changed things.

It sounds like you need to take some time off maybe but I hope you can finish the semester strong at least. You went through a seriously traumatic experience with that assault. I hope you know his special entitlement wasn't your fault nor was it his responsibility to control it.

I understand if you are reluctant to tell your parents any more about how you are feeling but things are pretty serious now.

What are they feeling about everything they learned?