I daydreamed about being in Tokyo for so long. I thought here I could be happy. I'm an exchange student during this summer semester at a prestigious Tokyo university.
When I came here to Tokyo, I asked my parents to give me more money because life is sensitively more expensive than in Italy. They said no: "We give you the bare minimum and that must be fine with you".
I have a terrible past with them, including family mistreatment charges.
So the first two weeks I spend them binge-drinking trying not to think that I am in Tokyo but I don't have the money to afford it.
I tried to find a job. They hire you only if you speak Japanese or you are an English mother-tongue. I'm none of them.
I decided I had to control my financial status very carefully so I avoided any activity that could lead to spending more such as social activity.
This led me alone. Again.
Everywhere I go I am alone.
I just spoke with a French guy in the smoking area. He looked beautiful. Fancy dressing. He studies at Berkeley but he found a girlfriend here in Tokyo. Chances got that I know here: she's a beautiful French Swiss girl. I just thought about how perfect their life must be. Later he wanted to invite me to the party he was in and I say no, I had already taken my sleeping pills and my antipsychotics. After five minutes I see all of these people coming out of the building. I know a bunch of them. None of them even thought about inviting me to that party.
I think I have so much to share with people but unfortunately, my personality disorder and probably my Asperger's (I'll be tested in September) just make me look goofy. I think people have a very bad impression of me.
Yesterday one of my professors spoke about parachuting. I think it's a good way of suicide. He told me that once you get off the plane you're brain shut down because of the overload of sensory stimula. Seems a nice way.
When I came here to Tokyo, I asked my parents to give me more money because life is sensitively more expensive than in Italy. They said no: "We give you the bare minimum and that must be fine with you".
I have a terrible past with them, including family mistreatment charges.
So the first two weeks I spend them binge-drinking trying not to think that I am in Tokyo but I don't have the money to afford it.
I tried to find a job. They hire you only if you speak Japanese or you are an English mother-tongue. I'm none of them.
I decided I had to control my financial status very carefully so I avoided any activity that could lead to spending more such as social activity.
This led me alone. Again.
Everywhere I go I am alone.
I just spoke with a French guy in the smoking area. He looked beautiful. Fancy dressing. He studies at Berkeley but he found a girlfriend here in Tokyo. Chances got that I know here: she's a beautiful French Swiss girl. I just thought about how perfect their life must be. Later he wanted to invite me to the party he was in and I say no, I had already taken my sleeping pills and my antipsychotics. After five minutes I see all of these people coming out of the building. I know a bunch of them. None of them even thought about inviting me to that party.
I think I have so much to share with people but unfortunately, my personality disorder and probably my Asperger's (I'll be tested in September) just make me look goofy. I think people have a very bad impression of me.
Yesterday one of my professors spoke about parachuting. I think it's a good way of suicide. He told me that once you get off the plane you're brain shut down because of the overload of sensory stimula. Seems a nice way.
