Discussion My attempt at creating a "Living as suicidal" podcast on youtube, as a suicidal person speaking for themselves.

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

Hello Everyone,
I have started a youtube channel where i plan to upload audio of myself rambling about topics related to suicide and my personal life related to it. I want to call it a podcast but its too disorganised to be called one lol. It is called "Living as Suicidal".

Its very bad but hopefully genuine,in that i intend it to be a suicidal person talking about themselves, and representing themselves, so that other people may not misrepresent them.

I uploaded the second episode of this unconnected series today, talking about the poem "the view from halfway down" from the popular show bojack horseman. I take offense to the poem's (likely unintentional) portrayal of suicide as synonymous with violent acts like jumping. Such potrayal (or reception from the audience, or likely both) can scare people away from suicide in general, though what they are actually scared of are the more traumatic methods, such as jumping.

Just wanted to share it with all of you. As a community of suicidal people, you all might find this interesting to listen to, though suicidal people are neither my main or only target. I am more interested in presenting my suicidality to non-suicidal and pro-life people, who are generally less likely to know about a suicidal perspective. However, I welcome comments and discussion by suicidal people on my ideas and thoughts as well. I aplogise for the annoying high-pitched edited voice, I find that necessary to use to preserve my anonymity. If you have any topic suggestions or feedback/general suggestions to share, feel free to message me or comment on the youtube videos.

I have been very inactive over here, and on the channel, largely due to personal life factors, especially a general sadness and tiredness. I have a few posts on here whose replies i am yet to answer back to, and more podcast episodes to upload. I'll try to be more active now, and upload more frequently.

View from halfway down episode:

Link to the playlist (currently has two episodes):



Thanks for reading this!

 

[Sulyya]

I will check it out. I'm not sure if maybe this might break a forum rule, about posting personal links or something but it sounds like a good idea.

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

I will check it out. I'm not sure if maybe this might break a forum rule, about posting personal links or something but it sounds like a good idea.

I would argue that the youtube channel i link to is both public does not contain any identifying or personal information of any person. Additionally, it is my own channel, so yea. However if it is against the rules, I will remove the links if the moderators tell me to.
Thanks for listening! Do share your thoughts on it. I know I sound like some content creator lol but I am just kinda excited about this. I am not expecting any kind of career out of this, at least right now though, it is more for expression and "spreading awareness"/countering anti-suicide rhetoric in the media. something like that ig
Part of why I put this on youtube, instead of say writing things down on SS, is that writing in general is very hard for me. I find it easier to talk and rant for half an hour than write for 10 minutes. I intend these audio pieces to be my view (which is a very antinatalist-promortalist and suicidal perspective) on things related to suicide that I see around me in the world, and which I feel are not representing suicide as I experience it. Or something like that.

I do not intend to hijack the viewers of SS and funnel them into my channel (as I said, I am not trying to become a "youtuber" right now), however, I do think that people here might be the most receptive to interacting with my channel. Maybe someday I will start writing here more, and talk about more nice things. One of my upcoming ideas is to make a flowchart to aid members in deciding whether ctb is an appropriate option for them. There are other ideas as well.

I do not intend to speak for SS in any capacity, I am nothing but a member here right now. However, I feel I do align with SS (and similar communities) on many fronts, and can certainly speak with them.

@moderators, I would like to ask about any guidelines regarding promoting/posting about my channel on SS. Especially, as I make new episodes, do I make a new thread for each one or do I append them to this thread ? Or something else entirely

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

Made another random episode called the strong argument against lgbt rights.

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

It has come to my notice that some people have reported the above post and the video for homophobia, and some fear that I am putting out homophobic propaganda. That is not true, and while that would be clear upon actually listening to the video. However, I should have expected that not everyone who comes across the post watch watch the video, and this may breed unwarranted fears. I apologise for not including a summary of in the post, to clarify what the video is about.

A summary of the content of the video is as follows:

I speak about what I call "the strong argument against lgbt rights" (as opposed to "weak arguments against lgbt rights" such as appeal to religion and pathologisation etc). This "strong argument" is essentially an argument from conversion therapy- "if we could convert all lgbt people into cishet people, there are no lgbt people left, and therefore no need to ask the question of whether or not lgbt people should have rights" Such a "therapy" (assuming that the "therapy" used to convert lgbt people into cishet is 100% reliable and otherwise safe, for the sake of simplicity) need not be lgbt-phobic in and of itself. But the way it comes up in the real world may be as a support of lgbt-phobic attitudes. (especially in places and times where being lgbt is not normalised, and lgbt-phobic attitudes already exist).

I say that something similar might be at play in the case of suicide, with "gethelp" being normalised, and the status quo anti-suicide/pro-life attitudes being enabled to persist. Normalising getting help is not necessarily anti-suicide, and I do encourage people who want that help to seek it, and reforms that make it easier and safer for them to do so. This website also has a recovery section in that spirit. However while getting help is normalised, society has an excuse to look away from the plight of suicidal people who do want to die, but are not able to and are oppressed by psychiatric and criminal incarceration, etc.

I do not intend that someone watch this video and get motivated to fund research into lgbt conversion therapy (and that likely will not happen; pretty much all of psychiatry has abandoned that path (though they did try at one point)). I explicitly mention how scared I am by such an argument, by the general "okay, but can we change you ?" line of thinking, and I wish to indirectly communicate that my acceptance of lgbt rights makes me even more scared about the fact that at one point people would try to find out conversion therapies instead of looking at whether or not they are required (to be fair not everyone did that, and lgbt rights did find recognition in the developed world over time). I fear that suicide is in the place that lgbt rights were in 1960s or so in the USA/Canada etc.


I hope that the summary helps show that this is not intended to be any kind of anti-lgbt message, but rather a small and rambly exploration of the scary side of the "but can we change you, and if not, should we keep trying ?" argument.

I could have scripted the video better, but I hope that the core idea I wanted to put out is clear.

Thank you for reading this far

I will check it out. I'm not sure if maybe this might break a forum rule, about posting personal links or something but it sounds like a good idea.

Also I confirmed with the mods, they are fine with this thread.

 

[SuicideGrandEst]

Made another random episode called the strong argument against lgbt rights.

Hi. Sorry, just in 2 words: why do you want to convert us?
Just so I get the big picture in a very short summary. Thanks.

 

[Unattainable666]

I'll definitely check it out. I will say that I am not overly fond of YouTube as they allow people to make fun of people with mental disorders, but since ignorance runs rampant in this world ...

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

T

Hi. Sorry, just in 2 words: why do you want to convert us?
Just so I get the big picture in a very short summary. Thanks.

Two words: I don't

sorry for making such a polarising title. the video too may be polarising, and scary in a sense, especially if you are lgbt.

A summary I wrote earlier can be found here :

It has come to my notice that some people have reported the above post and the video for homophobia, and some fear that I am putting out homophobic propaganda. That is not true, and while that would be clear upon actually listening to the video. However, I should have expected that not everyone who comes across the post watch watch the video, and this may breed unwarranted fears. I apologise for not including a summary of in the post, to clarify what the video is about.

A summary of the content of the video is as follows:

I speak about what I call "the strong argument against lgbt rights" (as opposed to "weak arguments against lgbt rights" such as appeal to religion and pathologisation etc). This "strong argument" is essentially an argument from conversion therapy- "if we could convert all lgbt people into cishet people, there are no lgbt people left, and therefore no need to ask the question of whether or not lgbt people should have rights" Such a "therapy" (assuming that the "therapy" used to convert lgbt people into cishet is 100% reliable and otherwise safe, for the sake of simplicity) need not be lgbt-phobic in and of itself. But the way it comes up in the real world may be as a support of lgbt-phobic attitudes. (especially in places and times where being lgbt is not normalised, and lgbt-phobic attitudes already exist).

I say that something similar might be at play in the case of suicide, with "gethelp" being normalised, and the status quo anti-suicide/pro-life attitudes being enabled to persist. Normalising getting help is not necessarily anti-suicide, and I do encourage people who want that help to seek it, and reforms that make it easier and safer for them to do so. This website also has a recovery section in that spirit. However while getting help is normalised, society has an excuse to look away from the plight of suicidal people who do want to die, but are not able to and are oppressed by psychiatric and criminal incarceration, etc.

I do not intend that someone watch this video and get motivated to fund research into lgbt conversion therapy (and that likely will not happen; pretty much all of psychiatry has abandoned that path (though they did try at one point)). I explicitly mention how scared I am by such an argument, by the general "okay, but can we change you ?" line of thinking, and I wish to indirectly communicate that my acceptance of lgbt rights makes me even more scared about the fact that at one point people would try to find out conversion therapies instead of looking at whether or not they are required (to be fair not everyone did that, and lgbt rights did find recognition in the developed world over time). I fear that suicide is in the place that lgbt rights were in 1960s or so in the USA/Canada etc.


I hope that the summary helps show that this is not intended to be any kind of anti-lgbt message, but rather a small and rambly exploration of the scary side of the "but can we change you, and if not, should we keep trying ?" argument.

I could have scripted the video better, but I hope that the core idea I wanted to put out is clear.

Thank you for reading this far

Also I confirmed with the mods, they are fine with this thread.

Hope this helps. Feel free to ask any more questions/make any comments.

 

[SuicideGrandEst]

Two words: I don't

Right. I had read the summary you're linking here. Was not able to understand it. I guess it was either too complex, or I couldn't focus.
I think I can now understand. You're trying to use the conversion argument (therapy, getting help) in a way to parallel it with suicide and the obsession society has in turning someone away from suicide (trying to convert their thoughts, the way they feel and their decision to leave life -- for lgbt: same, except it's their decision to live their lives as they can or please).

At first, I really thought you had come to the conclusion that lgbt people are over-represented here on SS, therefore it is the cause of their problems, therefore we have to address it. I had come to understand that you were making a case for conversion therapy as a compassionate tool and resource to decrease lgbt suffering and suicidality.