I get you, Ana and Mia have been with me for a long time. They indeed became part of me, but they also destroy everything that comes with it.
@hellispink
Destroy everything how so ?
I did a lot of food restriction and purging (vomit, in my case) as an adolescent and young adult. There is indeed a weird high you can get during a fast, which is probably why lots of religions encourage or demand occasional fasting as a mental discipline and spiritual practice.
That said, I've personally paid pretty dearly for what in the end was a fleeting sense of peace and comfort. Maybe it was the age I was at when I started restricting calories, or maybe it was something else, but I now have a permanent scarcity mentality around food. It drives me to binge impulsively to the point of discomfort, because who knows when I'll have access to food again? That's actually nonsense, because at no point have I ever lived with actual hunger in the sense that people in impoverished areas of the world have. But try explaining that to the fight-flight-freeze part of my brain, which is quite sure that famine is always just one blighted growing season away—which I'm sure it was, for all my ancestors from the 19th century on back.
I've also experienced a lot of adverse consequences to my physical health from yo-yo dieting and living on a very limited selection of foods, most of which have minimal nutritional value. I doubt I'll literally die of starvation, but I'm sure my life will be shorter and more miserable than it would have been if I'd developed a healthier relationship with food. (I don't necessarily care much about having a shorter life, but I could do without the extra misery.)
This isn't a forum where we chase each other around with metaphorical defibrillator paddles shouting "Live! LIVE!!" at people who are sick to death of trying to do just that, so I won't attempt it. What I will say is that I'm sorry it's come to this for you: pleading for understanding about a long-term condition that may kill you, among strangers on an internet suicide forum. That just sucks. I can only imagine the level of betrayal you must have endured, given that you're here and you've said to us what you've just said.
@wait.what
All my life I reached out to people and all everyone did was make me feel even more worse and pure guilt for the feelings i expressed. Last month was the final straw for me.
All i know is i am never opening up again about my feelings with people even in women only spaces as all i get is subject to a moral crusade where women from ALL sides act as judge, jury and executioner.
The pure mob mentality I have experienced on multiple online platrforms is disgusting. These are the same hypocritical arseholes who post the suicide hotline number whenever a celebrity kills themselves and say " why didn't they reach out" while participating in a system of bullying, mocking and dismissing people whenever they open up about stuff. Hypocritical pieces of shit that live in our world.
On an online feminist community i opened up about how i feel about my body image, i was criticising my OWN body, my OWN brown eyes and black hair. One woman on the site found deep offence in my posts because she herself has black hair and brown eyes. She was deeply hurt, mega angry .I f*cked up. The woman who expressed offence and anger is a woman who comes from an abusive household and a sexual abuse victim this is how bad the situation is. She said complained about I harmed her mental wellbeing and how she needs to take a social media break because of my threads oh my god the woman complained. Full scale karen the woman was being and i was subject to an mutliple criticism from the community.
She has the support from the majority of the women on the feminist fourm. She has had a hard life whereas mine is more privileged than hers. She already has a lot friends on the site . The women on the site said I was said I was "a weirdo" and majority thought I was thought I was an awful person.
Hmm is it bcs you don't find yourself worthy enough of deserving food? wondering what's the mental gymnastics behind this
@Yakamoz
All my life I reached out to people and all everyone did was make me feel even more worse and pure guilt for the feelings i expressed. Last month was the final straw for me.
All i know is i am never opening up again about my feelings with people even in women only spaces as all i get is subject to a moral crusade where women from ALL sides act as judge, jury and executioner.
The pure mob mentality I have experienced on multiple online platrforms is disgusting. These are the same hypocritical arseholes who post the suicide hotline number whenever a celebrity kills themselves and say " why didn't they reach out" while participating in a system of bullying, mocking and dismissing people whenever they open up about stuff. Hypocritical pieces of shit that live in our world.
On an online radical feminist community i opened up about how i feel about my body image, i was criticising my OWN body, my OWN brown eyes and my OWN black hair. One woman on the site found deep offence in my posts because she herself has black hair and brown eyes. She was deeply hurt, mega angry .I f*cked up. The woman who expressed offence and anger is a woman who comes from an abusive household and a sexual abuse victim this is how bad the situation is. She said complained about I harmed her mental wellbeing and how she needs to take a social media break because of my threads oh my god the woman complained. Full scale karen the woman was being and i was subject to an mutliple criticism from the community.
She has the support from the majority of the women on the feminist fourm. She has had a hard life whereas mine is more privileged than hers. She already has a lot friends on the site . The women on the site said I was said I was "a weirdo" and majority thought I was thought I was an awful person. Reading the comments I felt like the worst person in the world who deserved to die. I was not even intending to cause harm and it was never my intention.
All i learnt is Radical feminist women are just mean clique of women who ONLY CARE about women who think just like them.
