Story My 3 year SS anniversary

[BaconCheeseburger]

I think today is my 3rd anniversary of being on this site. I signed up one day before a childhood friend took her life. I still cry about her a lot, usually when drunk.

Every year since I've donated a little bit of money to a few different charities who maybe could have helped her.

I'd known she would die like this one day, she spent an entire year living on a psych ward and it felt like she took absolutely any opportunity to try to CB. She wasn't well from the get go.

Her final attempt was following a string of hospitalisations. They just keep coming, it felt like weekly. Eventually one attempt would break the chain.

I wonder why I'm still 'here' sometimes; both alive and still using SS. I go through waves of wanting to die and being so ready to feeling totally okay and coming to terms with life. I have done for years. I know it must seem odd to spend so many years on this site when most come and seemingly get the job done quickly, but I feel like SS is always a safe haven for me when the rest of the world wouldn't get it.

Maybe I'll get round to CTB one day and my profile will finally go inactive.. But probably not for a while.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I still cry about her a lot, usually when drunk.

you ever need a shoulder to cry on id be happy to have a drink with you. im sorry you went through that