Multiple physical health problems at a young age

[tryingtoescape]

I'm 22 with multiple physical health issues. Tinnitus, and chronic pain from different injuries. Many doctors don't understand how physical health problems affect you so severely and it's so frustrating. I'm expected to exist like this and not complain, by people who aren't in this constant state. Both tinnitus and chronic pain can alter the brain's wiring. Ever since I've developed these health problems, I've been in a constant state of fight or flight. I feel like I'm having a 24/7 anxiety attack. I have nightmares every single night, and I wake up to a panic attack each morning and day continues just like that. The tinnitus and chronic pain make me constantly feel terrified and trapped. And I feel so alone because I don't personally know any other young people with all these health problems at this age.

I had psychiatric issues before. I was bullied as a child and that caused trauma. To develop these health issues on top of that, it has made me feel like I'm going insane. I feel like my life is a cruel joke. I get this dissociation and I feel like I'm in hell. I've developed this intense paranoia after the physical illnesses, that I'm actually in hell. I don't understand how any of this can happen.

I just want to get out. I'm so afraid of not being able to die. I'm so frustrated that people like me and people in even worse conditions are expected to live with this quality of life and prevented from ending their suffering. Even animals aren't treated this way. I try everything and when there is nothing left they'll say, "you have to be more positive" because they can offer no real solution. They put up barriers, suicide windows. Burning inside and they lock the windows because they don't want to be held liable if someone jumps to escape the flames.

Some traumas are irreversible and some physical diseases are too much to bear for some people. I just want to die. I'm in such anguish now and I'm terrified of the future. I feel like I'm in hell and I keep crying, because I feel such fear, such confusion. I don't understand how any of this is happening, how I can feel this horrific for such a sustained amount of time. I just want relief in dying.

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

Hey, I am also young, also have tinnitus, and also have chronic pain haha!

I 100% get what you're saying. I hate how people expect us to live like this. Forcing us to live, while our conditions are clearly hopeless.
A sick dog beyond helping gets put down to end it's suffering. Once it comes to actual people, who experience suffering even more vividly, somehow people get suprised when people with chronic conditions desire no life. I really can't wrap my head around their logic.

I am sorry for all the anguish that you have to suffer through every day.

 

[tryingtoescape]

Hey, I am also young, also have tinnitus, and also have chronic pain haha!

I 100% get what you're saying. I hate how people expect us to live like this. Forcing us to live, while our conditions are clearly hopeless.
A sick dog beyond helping gets put down to end it's suffering. Once it comes to actual people, who experience suffering even more vividly, somehow people get suprised when people with chronic conditions desire no life. I really can't wrap my head around their logic.

I am sorry for all the anguish that you have to suffer through every day.

Thank you. It's so horrific that we have to exist like this at such a young age and people know it's cruel to even keep a sick dog or cat alive when there is no hope for treatment.

 

[greyhound]

Hi I am so sorry I was exactly in your shoes. My physical health issues got way worse when I was 21. I felt like I was trapped in this sinking ship. I was about to CTB but was 'saved' by family. Fast forward 20 years and I am still in the same boat only mentally exhausted from surviving 20 years of hell. I don't know why the world is like this I think it is a sort of hell in a way for some people. It seems like there may be some kind of karmic benefit to slogging through it though, from what I've learned now. But I'm about to CTB myself now as I have just dragged this boulder along as far as I am able to. I hope you find a measure of peace whatever you decide to do.

 

[Smart No More]

Hey. I'm not as young as you but I'm young enough and I had a great life before getting this sick. I've never suffered mental health issues other than a period of panic attacks which I managed to beat. Now though I totally relate to your situation as it is very similar to mine. I feel like jumping out my skin. Sleep isn't rewarding and I wake essentially crying. Nightmares every night pretty much. I can find a little relief in drug use but it's borrowing from the future as I pay for it in the following days. I'm not talking illicit drug use either. My digestion is screwed. My kidneys and abdomen hurt. My brain is essentially damaged (cognitive and memory issues) and I was a person who was always learning. I was pretty gifted and dare I say it myself, pretty intellectual and absolutely loved learning and using what I learned. I can't do that any more and as a result I've lost my life and am already dead. Now I'm just a suffering husk holding on to avoid hurting my family and loves ones. So for what it's worth I get it and you're not entirely alone.
I also have the issue of doc's palming me off with the MH/depression card because they're too afraid to admit they don't know what's wrong. I had a consultation booked with neuro but I received a txt not so long back saying they couldn't add anything so they cancelled/refused the referal without even speaking with me. Fuckers!

 

[sanguineblade]

I want you to know that i understand you more than you can think as i have severe physical chronic health issues too and im very young like you
i didnt get to live first
i have tinnitus, hyperacusis, left full feeling-clogged ear (7 years now)
hearing loss
snow vision
vision decline
whole right side constantly burning / aching (4 years now been) due to rare condition
complete loss of penile sensation due to accident (nerve cut) - full difficulty to even go to toilet

i feel u

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is hell. Our bodies are capable of torturing us, and there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I see it as a curse to be born in the first place. It is cruel how the society expects people to suffer for decades, there should be the option of peaceful ways to ctb. I'm sorry you have to go through this, of course only those who are suffering in similar ways themselves will ever be able to understand. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

None of us should have to understand what it feels like to go through such hell, but unfortunately I know all too well about the unrelenting misery you've written of in your post.

I am so sorry life has turned it's back on you and left you to struggle in this harsh manner. It is absurdly unfair.

We're the same age and share many of the same ailments, so my heart really hurts for you. I understand completely the feeling of losing out on your youth due to circumstances that are outside of your control- then being told acceptance and happiness is within your grasp by busybodies who haven't experienced even a fraction of the misery that is chronic pain becoming onset in your teenage years/early 20s.

I've been ill since I was 17. Life passes me by in a cacophonous blur, while my peers are enjoying every moment of what their youth has to offer. Very few people understand the silent tragedy that is an empty existence, years and years absent of formative memories, foundations that can be built on later on for a better life... It's all just absolute nothingness.

You've described so well the phenomenon of having hardships like trauma and bullying weighing on your mind before the sickness creeps up and trying to cope with these challenges, only for any peace you have to be quickly capitulated by the onset of even more bullshit.

There are loads of 60/70 year old members in chronic illness groups who mourn for the vibrant, enriching lives they lived before sickness struck them down. Rarely do we hear the voices of chronically ill young people who have been suffering for years upon years upon decades with nothing to show for their efforts other than an existence that is in shambles.

People simply don't understand what it takes from us. Life is already pretty cruel and unfair at its baseline, then when you accumulate more and more handicaps, it is near impossible to keep up with the never ending demands imposed upon us by the world. Yet we are expected to keep being productive as if there isn't a damn thing wrong with us. Rotten, this world is.

 

[tryingtoescape]

I feel so overwhelmed, I feel like this is hell. I want to escape this body and these physical symptoms. I'm internally screaming.

 

[sanguineblade]

I feel so overwhelmed, I feel like this is hell. I want to escape this body and these physical symptoms. I'm internally screaming.

i am completely the same

 

[8evergo]

oh man I have so much you can't pay anymore and on top of that, everything goes wrong