Venting moving on

[february in alaska]

That number doesn't even sound real to me. 2024 is here, happy new year. I'm so fucking tired. I'm so desperate to talk to people but I don't think I have anything left to say.

I keep trying to reach out to old friends, but they've all got lives to live. They aren't stuck in the past, holding on to things like I am. They keep telling me, "it's over", "move on", and I know they're right, but it still feels like a punch in the gut every single time. The truth is, I think I care about people a lot more than they care about me. And it's my own fault for thinking they feel the same, that I'm somehow an important person in everyone else's life. But damn. I have nothing that is my own. I don't have goals, I don't have a real life to live, I don't have people who consider me "theirs". I'm still alive but I feel like I've been a ghost for the last five years, just haunting everyone around me.

I could decide not to CTB in two months. I could keep living, keep haunting everyone, keep trudging along in a world that doesn't need me in it. Taking up space. Going through the motions. But god, even just thinking about it makes me so incredibly miserable that I know I can't do it. Not even one more year

Please let the other side be kind. Please. Please let me just drift away in a peaceful sleep, take all the weight off my shoulders, just let me rest. I'm so tired

 

[nomennescio]

I feel you a lot, what youre saying sounds very relatable. I hope you will find your way, either in this life with the people and love you deserve, or that you will reach your peace.

 

[Abyssal]

This is relatable. These same people who claim we must move on are the same ones who react to our death as something that should've been avoided.

I believe your trust in them is rooted in a very real sense that people are naturally good, at least I relate to your thoughts because that's how I am. I personally find that to be a good trait in a person, and while I don't know the context behind the comments you receive to move on, I get the sense that it's all rooted in your care for others. People always say empathy is a good thing, but it's a double edged sword.

I'm sorry your friends suck, I've dealt with similar but not the point you have. I wish I could befriend you irl to give you a place you knew you could be comfortable in. If it's any consolation, there are people not like your friends in the world who would care. Until you meet one, no matter how long that takes, we are here for you.

 

[minutelate119]

"I keep trying to reach out to old friends, but they've all got lives to live. They aren't stuck in the past, holding on to things like I am." i unfortunately relate to this on like a spiritual level, tried to reach out to a friend from like, four years ago but no response. sounds super pathetic lmaooo