Moving On

[angelicisight]

I am so tired of insecurity. Maybe society is truly so treacherous, but I think it's dumb. Real security should be measured in tangible ways, but insecurity tends to show itself in ways that are just annoying to deal with.

I'm insecure when I don't feel I can work. When I don't feel I can provide for myself any longer because my spirit feels too downcast to engage with the marketplace. That's what makes me insecure, but some people are insecure in other ways. I want to get away from that.

People feel threatened, challenged, and they respond. The threat doesn't have to be real. There could be no challenge, but they make it real by how they respond. It's so unnecessary, and it makes me so tired.

But everyone has their history, and when stories intertwine, reality mixes, and things can pop up. Everything is so connected. Things are always popping up. There is no sleep.

I'd be okay starving because I was too sad to work. Go into debt, lose means to work, and just no longer have any access to food. That'd be fine, but I think I wouldn't be able to stay sad for that long. There's too many things to be happy about, but sadness feels like it will last forever.

I just don't want to get angry. I hate feeling angry. It makes me do stupid things, and I have no justification hardly ever. I got to be pressed pretty hard to be justified in my anger. It almost never happens. Instead I just get angry for dumb reasons, and so I hate it. I'd rather stay sad forever than be mad.

Sadness can feel like going to sleep though, and I am too afraid to sleep. Too many things race in my mind, and all these thoughts are strangers. I don't know them. Why are they in my space? I only want thoughts that I know how to feel. There's so many, and I don't know them, so I am too afraid to sleep around them.

 

[SwimmingBl1mp]

i think you need to let your anger out. you have every right and reason to be angry and do stupid things. go in a rage room or in a field and smash stuff.

 

[angelicisight]

i think you need to let your anger out. you have every right and reason to be angry and do stupid things. go in a rage room or in a field and smash stuff.

Thank you. I hadn't even noticed it inside me. One of my bank accounts got frozen because I have proof of address. It had like 1000$. Then the lady on Thursday said they won't give me the money until I prove my address. I just want them to close the account, but she said they can't. I think she is lying. I think they can't access my money because a check is on hold being processed. I have a lot of money being processed on that account because I had no idea they were going to freeze it.

I called them, and the man said "Yeah we just need a physical address on file." I gave them my hotel, but I have no "proof" I say there. No utility bills, mortgages. He didn't say I need that. Then I wake up on Thursday, and the account is frozen. Then they say "Oh we legally don't need to give you access to this money." Bullshit. It's my money. She's such a fucking liar, and I know she's lying. She's only right so long as that check was on hold, but it got cleared on Friday. Why the hell is she saying I need to prove my address. Why are they letting me open an account without proof???? I didn't know what they needed, so I give them a bunch of money, then they hold it all because I don't have proof? I never had proof! I always used a mailbox address because that's where I have to get my mail. I have a bank that is fine with that.

I know it's this fucking bullshit Patriot Act. I understand the damn law better than the banker because I already been through it with one bank, but my personal bank account doesn't have any address, and they never close it. It's just the business bank account, so maybe there is more than that one law, but I don't think so. I think it's the Patriot Act. Maybe it's not, but they don't follow that law for my personal accounts. I thought maybe they closed that business account the first time because I "wasn't being compliant." Because I didn't want to deal with them and so I told them just close the account. And they kept calling me, so I blocked them because they wouldn't just leave me alone and let the account close and mail my check.

But I think it is the Patriot Act because with my other bank it's a "Financial service" not a bank although they give me a bank account, so I have my business bank account with them without any proof of physical address.

But they still closed my account. Now these other people are saying "Oh we can't close the account. Legally we don't have to close the account because you don't have proof of address." What a fucking liar, and I know she's lying. The other bank closed the account just fine. These people are so full of bullshit, and I hate them. Why do they have to hold my money? It's ridiculous.

Plus I had a credit card with them. My business bank has no credit card, and so I constantly have to put expenses on my personal credit card, and then I have to make journal entries every damn time with my accountant website because they don't track my personal expenses automatically. And my other bank doesn't work for that accountant website, so every transaction with that bank has to be manually entered, and I am just so damned tired of it. I just want a normal bank account for my business. That's it. Instead I have to do all this weird shit to make it work, and it is so much extra work. Until I maybe lease an office but then I have to lease it for a whole year probably, so it's not really worth it, so I am just stuck like this. I hate it.

It turns out I transferred 750$ out to my personal account somehow just before the account got frozen. I'll have to see what left is there, but that is better. I just got that money today, but it's still so annoying. I know she's lying to me, and I know she's not advocating for me. I can't talk to compliance. She talks to compliance, so she should be my advocate in those discussions because I have no voice. Fine close my account but don't hold my damned money. The liar. I hate her, so I am going to a different branch with the company maybe Wednesday when all the money transactions have processed to try and full withdraw and close the account. It's so exhausting, and it leads to permanent problems with record keeping now. I just hate it.

Plus I don't want to work, and so I keep pausing my lead service and I am not taking calls, and I need to probably call the inspectors, but just to hell with that. I am so done, if there's a problem, I'll just find out in the moment. I only want to talk to them when I see them because they are so damned hard to reach. Ah maybe I will call them. Yeah I will call them. I am going with a different city though because the one city is too difficult to deal with, and I just hope their policies are about the same.

Okay, well I feel better now. I really was so angry that I was getting lied too, but I was sad about everything else. I am also a little angry with the city that is difficult to deal with. It's not that bad though. It was just bad luck. I'm not that mad, but it did make me have to back out of a 3900$ bid. That could have been a lot of money, but it was just bad luck. I couldn't guarantee what I needed, so I backed out. I got to find out another time. I probably would've gotten that job too because I am always the cheapest right now but oh well. No that's not that angry. It's just disappointing.

Okay I am ready to call the inspectors now. I feel better thanks.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Christianity and then this ?? What's t next??? Go to church since you believe in God and get deliverance.

 

[angelicisight]

Christianity and then this ?? What's t next??? Go to church since you believe in God and get deliverance.

What do you know of it? Do you know of Jacob wrestling with God? Do you know of Job and how his friends were to him. His friends constantly told him "Job you need to repent." But when God came down to speak he only said "Job pray for your friends. You have done nothing wrong."

You know nothing. It doesn't even exist to you, so don't make your voice as though it is relevant to that. You want to speak of my humanity, you have your voice for that, but you cannot speak on my faith. You have comprehension on the matter, so don't suppose you do. It's completely baseless and a pathetic attempt.

You write like a fool to write that. It's so clearly without logic and reason, but I suppose you desire that this will be overlooked for the sake it is entertaining. Well I don't find it entertaining in the slightest. Write to someone who does, and don't comment on me.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

What do you know of it? Do you know of Jacob wrestling with God? Do you know of Job and how his friends were to him. His friends constantly told him "Job you need to repent." But when God came down to speak he only said "Job pray for your friends. You have done nothing wrong."

You know nothing. It doesn't even exist to you, so don't make your voice as though it is relevant to that. You want to speak of my humanity, you have your voice for that, but you cannot speak on my faith. You have comprehension on the matter, so don't suppose you do. It's completely baseless and a pathetic attempt.

You write like a fool to write that. It's so clearly without logic and reason, but I suppose you desire that this will be overlooked for the sake it is entertaining. Well I don't find it entertaining in the slightest. Write to someone who does, and don't comment on me.

I will comment on whatever I want… you sound so angry, I hope you find peace with whatever you are going through… I must have hit a nerve .

 

[angelicisight]

I will comment on whatever I want… you sound so angry, I hope you find peace with whatever you are going through… I must have hit a nerve .

You are disingenuous and a hypocrite. I have nothing but hatred for that, and were you the one talking about it earlier? Someone was, but I don't remember. I take no issue being angry at hypocrites. The damage you cause is irreparable. Your mouths are full of poison, and I hate you. I need no peace with that, but I can wait fine for judgment to come against you. It doesn't take faith to know you will be judged for hypocrisy. Your lies are as clear as day regardless what people believe, and there is no excuse for your poison.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

You are disingenuous and a hypocrite. I have nothing but hatred for that, and were you the one talking about it earlier? Someone was, but I don't remember. I take no issue being angry at hypocrites. The damage you cause is irreparable. Your mouths are full of poison, and I hate you. I need no peace with that, but I can wait fine for judgment to come against you. It doesn't take faith to know you will be judged for hypocrisy. Your lies are as clear as day regardless what people believe, and there is no excuse for your poison.

What damage have I caused you ??? Oh you hate me for what ??? I don't know you unless if you know me and then this will start to get interesting…. Hate is such a strong word unless if you know me, so by the take of things you must know me. What lies??? I must have hit a nerve somewhere, I'm out in the open and now you come out and if you have the guts say it and show who you really are and yeah I'm here. I'm waiting ….

And yes disingenuous is a word that I used earlier today in another thread so you must be watching closely then.

 

[angelicisight]

What damage have I caused you ??? Oh you hate me for what ??? I don't know you unless if you know me and then this will start to get interesting…. Hate is such a strong word unless if you know me, so by the take of things you must know me. What lies??? I must have hit a nerve somewhere, I'm out in the open and now you come out and if you have the guts say it and show who you really are and yeah I'm here. I'm waiting ….

And yes disingenuous is a word that I used earlier today in another thread so you must be watching closely then.

It was my thread!!! Of course I am going to remember it being mentioned, but I didn't remember it was you. However in my thread, I remember it being mentioned the word was used frequently therefore you may have mentioned it in other threads as well.

I don't hide who I am.

My anger is against hypocrisy and liars because they cause damage not because they cause me damage.

I don't like disingenuous statements be made on my threads. That's my nerve because I think it's very dangerous to those that are innocent. They don't know any better, and they go along with what they think is true, and then it takes them to a place where they are more opened to be harmed by those that more actively practice what is harmful. It keeps people from their natural protections when liars misrepresent the truth to them.

Hate feels very light to me. It's not strong in my presence. That it is strong to you is another matter. It's not to me because I understand it.

No I don't know you. You continue to respond, so clearly I have not understood you. If I did understand you, you would have ceased commenting because there would have been nothing left to say.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Okay I will ask a few questions :
•What lies did I make? Because as far as I'm aware I didn't make any lies so I would like you to tell me what lies I said exactly… so we can start from there ….
• How am I disingenuous?
•What irreparable damage did I cause?
• how am I hypocrite ?

 

[angelicisight]

Okay then I will apologize. I wrongly assumed you knew what you were doing. Clearly you did not, and I am sorry for the assumption. That was inappropriate of me.

Don't talk about Christianity like it has any real meaning unless you recognize what it means. Listen, Christianity may be meaningless, that's fine. I don't care if that's what you see. However, it's not without reason. There is a lot of reason for how it is constructed. It's very intricate, detailed, and complicated. Many things layer together.

I'm going to make another assumption here. How did you feel when Donald Trump asked whether or not scientists could cure covid with bleach? I know this is a suicide site, but I think you could recognize how many people would normally feel outraged at that. Bleach has a scientific purpose. It's not for that.

Here's another question. Why do you want me to answer your questions? You're speaking on something you don't recognize as real. How are you going to expect to get a real answer to you? Okay, sorry for the late response. I had find a good moment to pause. I am starting to be busy with work now, but that's okay. I can still respond.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

You called me a liar and said I was causing irreparable damage so I asked you those questions and you didn't even answer the questions that I asked you and you even went as far as you saying you hated me, no one online has ever said that to me before so this seems quite personal.

Who are you ? Because it is very strange for someone to say all that you said to someone on a forum.

 

[angelicisight]

You called me a liar and said I was causing irreparable damage so I asked you those questions and you didn't even answer the questions that I asked you and you even went as far as you saying you hated me, no one online has ever said that to me before so this seems quite personal.

Who are you ? Because it is very strange for someone to say all that you said to someone on a forum.

Just read what I wrote again and understand the nature of what "you" meant it context.

"I take no issue being angry at hypocrites. The damage you cause is irreparable. Your mouths are full of poison, and I hate you. I need no peace with that."

I don't hide who I am.

If you want understanding, I can provide it, but I don't know what you want here.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

You sound very angry and by the way you text I'm picking up you are someone I know … Oh you hate me for exposing your "hubby" that used to call you "mupengo" to me ..and also that wanted to be "intimate" with me ? That's the only thing that I can think of that would have made you this enraged. Poor thing you didn't know, remember when you told me all the things Law did and say now I'm doing you the same favour. My only regret is not telling you sooner, your "hubby" used to express his desire to "get intimate" with Melrose street ahahah as well …. when he was already with you, you poor thing… You should have not encouraged him to destroy my life again and I would have not told you this, I didn't tell you this before because I had considerations for your daughter. Now you know how it feels …. I'm not lying at what I said here go and read everything on LSA confession section and everything that I said there is true. You took so much joy in causing me pain now it's time for you to feel pain. You were defending him calling him a good guy, I couldn't help but laugh in my head that day because I knew the things he used to say about you to me. You wanted to humiliate me, you are lucky I'm not posting this on social media. People told me you were at the fore front of insulting me and remember you helped him lie to my mum about the girls looool when you knew the truth. You are not innocent and you are not a good person either…. You truly deserve each other…

I can understand if you think my mouth is poisonous it is the poisonous truth. Take it or leave it he will always Lie to you and you will always believe him and oh Cathy too he told me she was easy and he wanted to be intimate with her years ago looool. The only person he never expressed his desire on was his bestie he called "avatar" I can understand since he said so many times how ugly she was.

And oh he was bragging and laughing at you on how you were running to Vodafone to find evidence of him cheating on you but you couldn't find anything because he told me he was doing everything on what's app and that will never come on a phone bill . Poor thing, poor thing… I really pity you. Go and fight your "hubby" I didn't ask him to say or do these things to me

Your husband wanted to expose me as a "h" but he is an "h" as well he once confessed to me how this girl oh I can't type here it's a forum … maybe to be continued….

Ps sorry if it's not you miss Pru, Pardon my ignorance.

 

[angelicisight]

You sound very angry and by the way you text I'm picking up you are someone I know … Oh you hate me for exposing your "hubby" that used to call you "mupengo" to me ..and also that wanted to be "intimate" with me ? That's the only thing that I can think of that would have made you this enraged. Poor thing you didn't know, remember when you told me all the things Law did and say now I'm doing you the same favour. My only regret is not telling you sooner, your "hubby" used to express his desire to "get intimate" with Melrose street ahahah as well …. when he was already with you, you poor thing… You should have not encouraged him to destroy my life again and I would have not told you this, I didn't tell you this before because I had considerations for your daughter. Now you know how it feels …. I'm not lying at what I said here go and read everything on LSA confession section and everything that I said there is true. You took so much joy in causing me pain now it's time for you to feel pain. You were defending him calling him a good guy, I couldn't help but laugh in my heard that day because I knew the things he used to say about you to me. You wanted to humiliate me, you are lucky I'm not posting this on social media. People told me you were at the fore front of insulting me and remember you helped him lie to my mum about the girls looool when you knew the truth. You are not innocent and you are not a good person either…. You truly deserve each other…

I can understand if you think my mouth is poisonous it is the poisonous truth. Take it or leave it he will always Lie to you and you will always believe him and oh Cathy too he told me she was easy and he wanted to be intimate with her years ago looool. The only person he never expressed his desire on was his bestie he called "avatar" I can understand since he said so many times how ugly she was.

Ps sorry if it's not you miss Pru, Pardon my ignorance.

Please keep yourself safe. It's concerning reading that situation, and I am sorry you were hurt from it. I already told you. I don't hide who I am. You can look me up by this name elsewhere. There is not much to see, but you can see me if you look where I am.

I feel you must be young to write like you are. I actually remember now the rules, so I suppose you are 18. Just please keep yourself safe. The way you wrote, I worry about what you're holding onto. I don't want you to be hurt by it, but I understand the pain of letting go.

I keep feeling we are getting to an end, but you continue. If you are going to stop now, I hope you have a good day. Stay well.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Please keep yourself safe. It's concerning reading that situation, and I am sorry you were hurt from it. I already told you. I don't hide who I am. You can look me up by this name elsewhere. There is not much to see, but you can see me if you look where I am.

I feel you must be young to write like you are. I actually remember now the rules, so I suppose you are 18. Just please keep yourself safe. The way you wrote, I worry about what you're holding onto. I don't want you to be hurt by it, but I understand the pain of letting go.

I keep feeling we are getting to an end, but you continue. If you are going to stop now, I hope you have a good day. Stay well.

Thank you for your well wishes