One of the few things that seems comforting at the moment is this discussion board. I would say it has actually helped me find a little more peace and patience with timing when I CTB instead of feeling like I have to race towards it in desperation.
I have complex PTSD and severe depression. I guess most people here are probably depressed. Recently I was cheated on and then shut out of my former partners life. The whole process (finding out, breaking up, him going from being apologetic to shutting me out completely/moving on to other people) took only a week.
We were planning our future together, and then in one week all of that changed/he entirely has shut me out and I am now pretty much disliked/ignored by him.
This whole ordeal has me in a lot of pain and it's very confusing. I thought we could continue on being friends at the least, or maybe talk about having a more casual relationship. Seriously, I was fine with not being super serious, it's not like I could confidently say I could stay with someone "forever" when I know I will eventually CTB.
Instead he checked out entirely and threw me out like I was old/boring/all used up. Did all of the memories we made prior just mean nothing then?
I'm a parent, and I personally feel I have an obligation to stick around as long as possible to provide for my children. I want to make sure everything is arranged properly so I know they will be taken care of/maybe they will even be adults by the time I CTB. I feel more at peace here, being able to discuss this with you without being told I should never consider CTB an option/"it's wrong"/"it's selfish". I no longer feel "stuck" or like I have to "suffer" until they are adults. I can simply make arrangements, plan appropriately to be completely sure I have everything ready, and somehow I feel more in control of my life. I already know what method I will use, so now it's sort of just waiting... even though it will be many years from now, it gives me a sense of relief.
Anyways I just wanted to say hi. I'll be around and thanks for having me.
I have complex PTSD and severe depression. I guess most people here are probably depressed. Recently I was cheated on and then shut out of my former partners life. The whole process (finding out, breaking up, him going from being apologetic to shutting me out completely/moving on to other people) took only a week.
We were planning our future together, and then in one week all of that changed/he entirely has shut me out and I am now pretty much disliked/ignored by him.
This whole ordeal has me in a lot of pain and it's very confusing. I thought we could continue on being friends at the least, or maybe talk about having a more casual relationship. Seriously, I was fine with not being super serious, it's not like I could confidently say I could stay with someone "forever" when I know I will eventually CTB.
Instead he checked out entirely and threw me out like I was old/boring/all used up. Did all of the memories we made prior just mean nothing then?
I'm a parent, and I personally feel I have an obligation to stick around as long as possible to provide for my children. I want to make sure everything is arranged properly so I know they will be taken care of/maybe they will even be adults by the time I CTB. I feel more at peace here, being able to discuss this with you without being told I should never consider CTB an option/"it's wrong"/"it's selfish". I no longer feel "stuck" or like I have to "suffer" until they are adults. I can simply make arrangements, plan appropriately to be completely sure I have everything ready, and somehow I feel more in control of my life. I already know what method I will use, so now it's sort of just waiting... even though it will be many years from now, it gives me a sense of relief.
Anyways I just wanted to say hi. I'll be around and thanks for having me.
