Discussion Motivation lost

[Forever Sleep]

Seeing as I've lost motivation to do most things and I've even lost some of the tremendous guilt I used to have for not MAKING myself do stuff, I thought I'd make a post about it...

I guess more that I'm noticing it as a theme in many young people's threads. I'm (relatively) old at 43. Still- I feel like motivation is maybe one of the most important (I don't know what you'd call it- skills? Qualities?) to have. Without it- we're pretty screwed.

I guess when I was young- I was motivated. I actually believed all that bullshit that if you only worked hard- you would succeed. That coupled with the fact that the thing I was motivated by (being creative and improving my skills) had also always been my coping mechanism in life. At least a part of it felt safe and meditative even. Plus- on top of it all- I had an unbringing full of obligation and duty and guilt tripping when you weren't working hard enough. So- in some ways- it was 'easier' for me to feel motivated 'naturally'.

I just feel so sorry for the young adults of today. Like WHAT exactly are they supposed to be looking forward to?!! If they're struggling now- it's likely to feel even more likely they won't succeed in the future. Just how fair is it to just EXPECT them- or anyone to feel motivated to do well- even to live- when it gets this bad? I don't know. I truly don't know what the job market looks like for youngsters. Whether the jobs they'll get will pay enough. It's hard enough for me but I guess I'm at the other end of the spectrum. (Being older.) I don't know. Maybe it's just the pessimist in me- but- if I were so inclined to be pro-life- I'm honesty not sure what I could say to make them think their futures looked bright.

I guess there's this other part of me that thinks- they're a lot more clever than me. They've already got all this worked out- like- 'Why should I even bother? What will I achieve according to the very best case scenario? Is that worth it? What's my worst case scenario? How likely is that?' How can you blame people for not wanting to invest so much into a system that's rigged and part chance anyway? It's not really enough to say: 'Because you have no choice.' People realise they do have a choice and they make it sometimes!

 

[MeltingBrain]

Seeing as I've lost motivation to do most things and I've even lost some of the tremendous guilt I used to have for not MAKING myself do stuff, I thought I'd make a post about it...

I guess more that I'm noticing it as a theme in many young people's threads. I'm (relatively) old at 43. Still- I feel like motivation is maybe one of the most important (I don't know what you'd call it- skills? Qualities?) to have. Without it- we're pretty screwed.

So sorry that you have lost motivation . You are not alone. I know how you feel , Waking up every week seeing my health getting worse not only sucks out all my motivation to work , it sends me in a spiral of worryiing about my future and binge eating. I agree ,we are screwed without motivation. Without motivation, work is torture and without work we have no purpose in life. Being NEET feels like you are losing at life while others are galloping . You feel guilty because others are working hard and you are doing nothing . You feel like a leech of the society especially a young person like me.

I had an unbringing full of obligation and duty and guilt tripping when you weren't working hard enough. So- in some ways- it was 'easier' for me to feel motivated 'naturally'.

Me too. I come from a family which will be considered successful by most. I had direct and indirect pressure put on me to perform well in school and performance HAD to be up to the mark .
*worrying

 

[Forever Sleep]

So sorry that you have lost motivation . You are not alone. I know how you feel , Waking up every week seeing my health getting worse not only sucks out all my motivation to work , it sends me in a spiral of worryiing about my future and binge eating. I agree ,we are screwed without motivation. Without motivation, work is torture and without work we have no purpose in life. Being NEET feels like you are losing at life while others are galloping . You feel guilty because others are working hard and you are doing nothing . You feel like a leech of the society especially a young person like me.


Me too. I come from a family which will be considered successful by most. I had direct and indirect pressure put on me to perform well in school and performance HAD to be up to the mark .
*worrying

I'm so sorry for you. I'd say poor health gives you more 'excuse' but it must still be a horrible experience for you. The worst actually- I can't stand being ill.

Thank you though. I realise it's something that can't go on for me. I'm going to need to earn money soon which means- I can't get away with all this for much longer. I guess I was more trying to picture life from a young person's point of view now. There are so many on here. It's so sad that life already doesn't have much to offer them.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I feel so sorry for the young people of today. In my opinion they have very little to look forward to in this day and age.
The cost of living crisis and increasing job automation by artificial intelligence means many of them will suffer from poverty and lack of any real job prospects.
Couple that with a lack of affordable housing in the UK, and sky-high rents many will also become homeless, or part of the ever increasing number of young hidden homeless.
Many of these youngsters will just be existing in survival mode during the best years of their lives, as opposed to actually living life.

 

[MeltingBrain]

The worst actually- I can't stand being ill.

What are you suffering from ?

 

[Sweet Tart]

I am in my 40s as well and was raised to work as hard as I could, which I did until I broke. I literally just sat down to start a similar thread. I am too depressed to work or even leave my room much, but my family is putting pressure on me to get back to some kind of work. And I can't; I have zero energy or the motivation to pretend I'm okay. They are on the verge of kicking me out (I left home at age 19 but returned last year when I ran out of money and had no place to go).

I'd rather ctb than go to the hospital or a shelter but I obv can't be open about that with my family. My mom is a vile narcissist. I've gotten much worse since I've been in her husband's home. I had made so much improvement with my ED during my adult life and it's all gone now. She suggested I go to a shelter- despite the fact that her husband owns a 4-bedroom house and it's only occupied by the 2 of them. I know she thinks she is "motivating" me to get off my ass but how stupid can she be that she doesn't realize that cruelty is only going to motivate me to ctb? Boomers can be extremely sadistic towards their kids. Not saying they are all that way, just that it is quite normalized.

 

[Forever Sleep]

What are you suffering from ?

Nothing- I'm 'lucky' in that regard. I have been ill in the past though- gallstones was my worst experience. Not saying my physical or mental health is 100% but neither are debhilitating- which I'm grateful for. No- I truly pity people who are genuinely ill- life's hard enough without having to cope with pain. No- I expect my 'reasons' may seem very flimsy to others and compared to others. Mine is really more that I'm just tired of life really. Tired of trying. I don't want to work hard to sustain a life I don't want to live and I don't have the desire or motivation to make my life better or happier. Probably sounds super lazy but I can promise you I wasn't always lazy. I worked very hard for a long time but yeah- now that motivation has just gone.

I am in my 40s as well and was raised to work as hard as I could, which I did until I broke. I literally just sat down to start a similar thread. I am too depressed to work or even leave my room much, but my family is putting pressure on me to get back to some kind of work. And I can't; I have zero energy or the motivation to pretend I'm okay. They are on the verge of kicking me out (I left home at age 19 but returned last year when I ran out of money and had no place to go).

I'd rather ctb than go to the hospital or a shelter but I obv can't be open about that with my family. My mom is a vile narcissist. I've gotten much worse since I've been in her husband's home. I had made so much improvement with my ED during my adult life and it's all gone now. She suggested I go to a shelter- despite the fact that her husband owns a 4-bedroom house and it's only occupied by the 2 of them. I know she thinks she is "motivating" me to get off my ass but how stupid can she be that she doesn't realize that cruelty is only going to motivate me to ctb? Boomers can be extremely sadistic towards their kids. Not saying they are all that way, just that it is quite normalized.

I'm so sorry for your situation. Plus- incredibly sorry for you having to deal with a narcissist. I'm pretty sure one of my family members was one also and yeah- it's so destructive.

I guess this is something I think about- like- how much of it is our 'choice'? I guess for now- I feel like it is still my 'choice'. I'm perfectly willing to admit that I can be INCREDIBLY lazy. When does it become a 'disease' or 'illness' though? I have a feeling some families won't accept it- whether it is or not!

Yours sounds similar to mine! Don't get me wrong. My Dad is actually very loving and caring- I'm lucky. BUT he does have certain ideas which he's not afraid to voice! He's right I suppose too. It's more along the lines of: 'Well- I had to do it- Why can't you?' As in- work a job you thoroughly hate to support yourself. He's right of course- I can and will- I don't want the guilt trip of having to be supported. I just don't see the point though!

You sound in a really bad patch though. I'm sorry. Plus- I agree- threatening you with homelessness (pretty much) isn't exactly supportive! It just gets to me really. The anti-natilist in me starts to prickle and I'm tempted to say something I really shouldn't. But yeah- I feel bad for you. So many people these days do end up having to live with their parents just to survive. I'm sure a lot of them resent that but at the same time- we're resenting having been born in the first place! What a mess!!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@Sweet Tart this is really disturbing and awful what you are going through. With pressure and other threats this isn't gonna be better. I really hope you can find a way to get out of this situation.

Still- I feel like motivation is maybe one of the most important (I don't know what you'd call it- skills? Qualities?) to have. Without it- we're pretty screwed.

Yes indeed without motivation one is really screwed. But what has to come first to be motivated again and where should that "ignition" come from? This is the big question and it is so difficult to get out of such a situation alone.

Since I finally "crashed" a few weeks ago I lost all motivation completely incl. all hope that things could ever get better again. I don't see any way to get out of this.