Mothers

[woxihuanni]

Here is a thread to vent about how your mother fucked you up, or how you are dealing with a partner whose mother fucked them up. It seems to a recurring theme, so.

Ladies, please don't tell tiny toddlers that they are shit. It's not very helpful. :(

 

[Soul]

Guys, don't do that either.

 

[stellabelle]

Here is a thread to vent about how your mother fucked you up, or how you are dealing with a partner whose mother fucked them up. It seems to a recurring theme, so.

Ladies, please don't tell tiny toddlers that they are shit. It's not very helpful. :(

I shouldn't have "laughed" when I read this but I couldn't help it because I had a very traumatizing childhood and adulthood thanks to my mother. I think someday I will vent about it, but maybe not today here & now. In any case, this was a good thread idea.

Fist bumps to all the other children of batshit crazy/awful women.

 

[woxihuanni]

I shouldn't have "laughed" when I read this but I couldn't help it because I had a very traumatizing childhood and adulthood thanks to my mother. I think someday I will vent about it, but maybe not today here & now. In any case, this was a good thread idea.

Fist bumps to all the other children of batshit crazy/awful women.

Nah, it's OK to laugh at our misery. One can only cry so much.

 

[Tabbyql]

No love, no affection I would spend my pocket money on presents alot just to get some sort of attention. I barely have any memories of her, she effed off after dragging us all across country. So she could go to university, then didn't bother going and left us all in a shitty ass town. I was on the path to becoming a vet, and she stripped what little confidence I had left by making me leave everything I knew behind, despite everyone in the family begging to stay. Highly religious. I had my 1st proper bf at 17, she called me a whore (I was a virgin till 18) she never bothered to keep in touch, my sexuality goes against her religion. She would keep getting us to read one of those children's are you being sexually abused type of books. She forced church on us, which triggered my ocd, a 5 year old worrying about people dying if she doesn't pray. I think I need to stop now, my brains telling me not to try and force any memories I might not like what I find.

 

[woxihuanni]

No love, no affection I would spend my pocket money on presents alot just to get some sort of attention. I barely have any memories of her, she effed off after dragging us all across country. So she could go to university, then didn't bother going and left us all in a shitty ass town. I was on the path to becoming a vet, and she stripped what little confidence I had left by making me leave everything I knew behind, despite everyone in the family begging to stay. Highly religious. I had my 1st proper bf at 17, she called me a whore (I was a virgin till 18) she never bothered to keep in touch, my sexuality goes against her religion. She would keep getting us to read one of those children's are you being sexually abused type of books. She forced church on us, which triggered my ocd, a 5 year old worrying about people dying if she doesn't pray. I think I need to stop now, my brains telling me not to try and force any memories I might not like what I find.

I'm so sorry life threw so much shit at you. Besides other things, yes religion forced on a child is a great way to get OCD. And though you probably know this, please do not ever be ashamed of your sexuality, you deserve to enjoy it like everybody else. Hugs

 

[Baskol1]

Here is a thread to vent about how your mother fucked you up, or how you are dealing with a partner whose mother fucked them up. It seems to a recurring theme, so.

Ladies, please don't tell tiny toddlers that they are shit. It's not very helpful. :(

I was called worthless by my mom as a toddler.

 

[woxihuanni]

I was called worthless by my mom as a toddler.

Welcome to club!

 

[coma-baby]

My mom was fucked up by her own traumatic childhood. She never dealt with it properly. She turned to drugs, progressively getting harder and harder, even turning to meth for a few years recently. Although, now she's just smoking weed. And the only thing she seems to drink is vodka. One of these days, she's going to drop her cigarette ashes and go up in flames, I swear.
Due to her substance abuse and to my father working long hours everyday with an hour-long commute, I took care of myself for the most part. Since the age of four, I would get myself up for school. Brush my own hair, dress myself, and take myself to the bus stop down the street. I always thought of my mom as a Snorlax from Pokemon. Her opiate addiction was at its worst when I was in primary school. She would always be asleep. Immovable on the couch. I didn't really have a mother. She may as well of been an estranged older sibling.
Even as I grew older, she never really was a mother.
She had her first kid when she was 16. I came about seven years later. She hadn't grown up. She hadn't learned how to nurture a child. I remain emotionally stunted to this day. I was raised to be emotionally stunted. Not on purpose. But there was absolutely no way I could grow into a productive and healthy-minded person in that house.
Sorry for the rambling rant. I have a lot of word soup problems. I've been taking my medicine incorrectly the past few days because it doesn't do shit for me anyway and it makes focusing on coherent communication difficult. Not to mention how my depression most likely stems from my relationship with my mom. There's a lot to unpack and it's hard to get it all out. Maybe I'll revisit this thread later.

 

[woxihuanni]

My mom was fucked up by her own traumatic childhood. She never dealt with it properly. She turned to drugs, progressively getting harder and harder, even turning to meth for a few years recently. Although, now she's just smoking weed. And the only thing she seems to drink is vodka. One of these days, she's going to drop her cigarette ashes and go up in flames, I swear.
Due to her substance abuse and to my father working long hours everyday with an hour-long commute, I took care of myself for the most part. Since the age of four, I would get myself up for school. Brush my own hair, dress myself, and take myself to the bus stop down the street. I always thought of my mom as a Snorlax from Pokemon. Her opiate addiction was at its worst when I was in primary school. She would always be asleep. Immovable on the couch. I didn't really have a mother. She may as well of been an estranged older sibling.
Even as I grew older, she never really was a mother.
She had her first kid when she was 16. I came about seven years later. She hadn't grown up. She hadn't learned how to nurture a child. I remain emotionally stunted to this day. I was raised to be emotionally stunted. Not on purpose. But there was absolutely no way I could grow into a productive and healthy-minded person in that house.
Sorry for the rambling rant. I have a lot of word soup problems. I've been taking my medicine incorrectly the past few days because it doesn't do shit for me anyway and it makes focusing on coherent communication difficult. Not to mention how my depression most likely stems from my relationship with my mom. There's a lot to unpack and it's hard to get it all out. Maybe I'll revisit this thread later.

I takes immense strength to raise yourself like that, and deal with such abandonment. I don't know, I find most people here (including you), not emotionally stunted at all. Just unfortunate.

It sucks that abuse goes down generations. Similar to the fuckery in my life. Argh!
So here I go.

Mother was quite traumatised and neurotic. Married to a guy she didn't want to marry, and refusing to get a divorce. Hated his guts, with good reason. He was also a traumatised and brain-washed person, not evil deep down but you see, fuckery does not need evil deep down.

So she has me because she has nothing else to live for. Then goes on to project her entire load of seething contempt and loathing of the father and his family, to me. When I can barely fucking walk. I remember her throwing a giant pot filled with boiling water across the room, and screaming at me: You continue your father's line, you are insane, you are shit, you are diseased.

Remember an afternoon by the window, she was nice to me and I was playing with toys and so grateful for the happiness. Knowing it would be a brief moment until she freaks out for whatever reason.

Remember all the long hard thought I had on how I could be a really, really good child and then she would not insult me anymore. Not beat me in front of strangers, not scream to herself for hours and hours. Not give me the silent treatment. Not make me feel like I should not exist and can just be thrown on the street if I don't toe the line.

It was just the beginning of mindfuckery, but enough for now.

 

[Tabbyql]

I'm so sorry life threw so much shit at you. Besides other things, yes religion forced on a child is a great way to get OCD. And though you probably know this, please do not ever be ashamed of your sexuality, you deserve to enjoy it like everybody else. Hugs

Thank you so much

 

[Baskol1]

I had my revenge on my parents, i had hit them back, my mother and my father. They deserved it. After that they never have beaten me again.

 

[justanotherday]

I takes immense strength to raise yourself like that, and deal with such abandonment. I don't know, I find most people here (including you), not emotionally stunted at all. Just unfortunate.

It sucks that abuse goes down generations. Similar to the fuckery in my life. Argh!
So here I go.

Mother was quite traumatised and neurotic. Married to a guy she didn't want to marry, and refusing to get a divorce. Hated his guts, with good reason. He was also a traumatised and brain-washed person, not evil deep down but you see, fuckery does not need evil deep down.

So she has me because she has nothing else to live for. Then goes on to project her entire load of seething contempt and loathing of the father and his family, to me. When I can barely fucking walk. I remember her throwing a giant pot filled with boiling water across the room, and screaming at me: You continue your father's line, you are insane, you are shit, you are diseased.

Remember an afternoon by the window, she was nice to me and I was playing with toys and so grateful for the happiness. Knowing it would be a brief moment until she freaks out for whatever reason.

Remember all the long hard thought I had on how I could be a really, really good child and then she would not insult me anymore. Not beat me in front of strangers, not scream to herself for hours and hours. Not give me the silent treatment. Not make me feel like I should not exist and can just be thrown on the street if I don't toe the line.

It was just the beginning of mindfuckery, but enough for now.

I am sorry you were treated that way by her. You didn't deserve it. You were an innocent child.. My mother was too young to have had me, and she took no interest in me, really. But, she never hit me, so I cannot begin to imagine what you went through.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I was called worthless by my mom as a toddler.

How do you even remember that?

 

[woxihuanni]

I am sorry you were treated that way by her. You didn't deserve it. You were an innocent child.. My mother was too young to have had me, and she took no interest in me, really. But, she never hit me, so I cannot begin to imagine what you went through.

Thank you so much for your kindness. The hitting itself was not my main problem, it was the doing in front of everyone and doing it with so much venom. Not like a single slap in the face when you've been really rude or something (and toddlers cannot be really rude).

How do you even remember that?

I cannot speak for the other person, of course, but my earliest memory is from before I was two. The early memories are short and far in between, of course, but they can exist.

 

[oopswronglife]

I went through a phase of feeling quite guilty for not liking nor respecting my parents. I was not physically abused. I was fed and clothed and didn't feel poor even though we weren't well off. But they went through marriage after marriage and the drama and egocentric choices really made my childhood miserable. They have never really changed. Not long ago they met after being divorced for decades and I hear about how they "forgave" each other and decided they were just too young and none of it was their fault. It enraged me and took a while to bring myself down from that because they don't acknowledge how they affected me as they went about their lives with me as a secondary thing. They traded in family after family, made new kids, broke more families up, and never learned any lessons. They get angry and say things like "you cannot hold a grudge forever" and "you need to take responsibility for your own life and stop blaming us" etc. They don't say "sorry". I rarely speak to them and this is why. They will go to their grave believing they did ok and none of it was their behavior or fault. I gave up trying to get closure with them. Both of them are on whatever number marriage and not REALLY happy. The drama is still there. They are the same people in old bodies. It's really hard when it comes to parents to walk the talk and not ruminate on such things...to decide not to let the emotions that come up drive me down.

 

[woxihuanni]

I went through a phase of feeling quite guilty for not liking nor respecting my parents. I was not physically abused. I was fed and clothed and didn't feel poor even though we weren't well off. But they went through marriage after marriage and the drama and egocentric choices really made my childhood miserable. They have never really changed. Not long ago they met after being divorced for decades and I hear about how they "forgave" each other and decided they were just too young and none of it was their fault. It enraged me and took a while to bring myself down from that because they don't acknowledge how they affected me as they went about their lives with me as a secondary thing. They traded in family after family, made new kids, broke more families up, and never learned any lessons. They get angry and say things like "you cannot hold a grudge forever" and "you need to take responsibility for your own life and stop blaming us" etc. They don't say "sorry". I rarely speak to them and this is why. They will go to their grave believing they did ok and none of it was their behavior or fault. I gave up trying to get closure with them. Both of them are on whatever number marriage and not REALLY happy. The drama is still there. They are the same people in old bodies. It's really hard when it comes to parents to walk the talk and not ruminate on such things...to decide not to let the emotions that come up drive me down.

There are many ways for parents to fuck you up. You know your feelings are valid even though they don't recognise it or give you closure.

One thing I cannot stand is how the responsibility is always put on the shoulders of emotional abuse victims. The way I see it, just as you wouldn't be expected to pick yourself up and move on if somebody beats you black and blue, you cannot be expected to 'just do it' when somebody does the emotional equivalent of that. Also, therapy is not magic.

 

[Frank]

Honestly my mom isn't too bad she's just very human. She made mistakes lost her temper etc like we alll do but she shouldn't have treated me like an adult even when i was a small child because I couldn't understand that those things are normal. If she had taken the high road and maybe got "dissapointed" with me instead of being angry I might not be where I am today but who knows I might have ended up here anyway

 

[woxihuanni]

Should or shouldn't have treated you like an adult?

Because I was never treated like a child and that was not good, to say the least.

 

[Frank]

Should or shouldn't have treated you like an adult?

Because I was never treated like a child and that was not good, to say the least.

Shouldn't , sorry!

 

[Wayfaerer]

I cannot speak for the other person, of course, but my earliest memory is from before I was two. The early memories are short and far in between, of course, but they can exist.

Damn. I couldn't even speak at two (was deaf at three because of nasty ear infection).

I was never physically or verbally abused aside from being slapped a couple of times when I was a kid but my mother was cold, distant and had made a lot of poor decisions on my behalf that would have life-long consequences. I could've given her a little slack for not being ill-intentioned except but she showed no pity or remorse, so fuck her. I'm glad she'll be spending her baby boomer retirement living out of her car.

 

[woxihuanni]

Damn. I couldn't even speak at two (was deaf at three because of nasty ear infection).

I was never physically or verbally abused aside from being slapped a couple of times when I was a kid but my mother was cold, distant and had made a lot of poor decisions on my behalf that would have life-long consequences. I could've given her a little slack for not being ill-intentioned except but she showed no pity or remorse, so fuck her. I'm glad she'll be spending her baby boomer retirement living out of her car.

Being cold and distant is massive abuse. Maybe it's the worst. After all, the screaming and hitting is so harmful for the same reason: You don't feel loved. Not because your bones are broken.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yesterday I took her call and had a conversation that was a snapshot of how she'd keep fucking me up if I let her.

M: Has anybody called you today?
-Who would've called, you think? (Are you implying my ex partner? You know they never called when away, even when high on NRE. They just don't do it, why did you have to enforce feelings of rejection for a habit they have that has fuck all to do with me personally?)
M: Your friend x could have called.
-You want them to talk to me around my ex-partner? Great way to fuck up all around.
M: They don't have to be around them all the time.
-You know, maybe they deserve to live their own life for a few days?
M: It wouldn't fuck up their life to call you.
-Thank you mother for trying to create these insane expectations in me so I can fuck up my relationships.

Nothing in reply. That's a huge blame I'm throwing at you, and with good reason. All you're doing is thinking inside 'Yeah, I feel guilty as can be anyway, so I'll just take this.' You know what, your guilt does not replace the responsibility to grow the fuck up and watch what you are saying! Fucker.

She is the top expert in the entire world in how to teach you to feel rejected. I am so immensely proud of myself that I did not make this my identity. I don't feel rejected, fucker, nobody can make me feel rejected.

 

[Rachel74]

It wasn't my mother but that cunt my father.
But my partners mom not ruined his life but sounded like an evil bitch and controlled him
until he ran away to Germany.

 

[First loss]

Yeah I hate my mother too, she is a living definition of the know it all , middle aged bitter Karen. She is abusive both mentally and physically to me. I hope she fucking dies in a fire.

 

[Élégie]

I'm truly sorry for everyone who shared their stories on here... you didn't deserve that.

As for myself, my mom wasn't physically violent or abusive, but she was deeply immature and unstable. She was distant and I knew I couldn't rely on her. She also used me as her "confident" and "emotional support" since I was 8 years old... She would drag me into her conflicts with her own family/parents and her partners.

I was a highly sensitive kid, so it really fucked me up.

 

[Dawn0071111]

"MOMMY DEAREST" has anyone seen that movie? If so that was my mom. Only she wasn't an alcoholic & she was poor and on welfare. I had the perfect sick, psycho bitch...Almost EVERYDAY OF MY CHILDHOOD.. was the scene. .."NO MORE WIRE HANGARS..."

No wonder Im so screwd up. Have not talked to her for almost 2 decades. When she hears of my cbt, she will either use it as fuel for her persecuted mother stance or rail about what an awful kids I was.

I never had a chance .... right after her lived in 25 institutions. Im am damaged beyond repair. Because the parts of me that needed to form never did. Not only did she break my spirit, and enjoyed doing so... but the lack of mirroring & empathy set me up to develop missing so many integral pieces of a personality, soul... That Im just an empty shell of a human.

I know she was sick & a trauma suvivor too... that this shit gets passed down generations...I thought i would be the one to end the cycle...that i could overcome, heal & find happiness. Nope. She won.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm truly sorry for everyone who shared their stories on here... you didn't deserve that.

As for myself, my mom wasn't physically violent or abusive, but she was deeply immature and unstable. She was distant and I knew I couldn't rely on her. She also used me as her "confident" and "emotional support" since I was 8 years old... She would drag me into her conflicts with her own family/parents and her partners.

I was a highly sensitive kid, so it really fucked me up.

Had the same emotional support role. Parenting one's mother is so much fun!

Fuckers.

 

[gingerplum]

My mother's behavior was very frightening to me as a child; she was crazed and neurotic, very, very uptight.
I was insecure enough, plus I was a really unfortunate looking kid, and she made me feel worse about that.

On the upside, I used her behavior as a guidebook on what not to do with my own kids. I made sure we had a routine every evening, dinner, bath, and story time. Dad read them books in our bed, then I took them to one of their beds and read more books. I would go between each of them and rub their backs until they fell asleep.

I made sure they knew I would stand up for them and protect them no matter what if someone was hassling or hurting them. I spent fair amounts of time with each of them. I tried to be easygoing and playful, and if I did lose my temper or yell I apologized and promised to try to do better.

As teens, they are self-motivated, assertive and confident.

I'm far from perfect, and there are plenty of things I wish I'd handled differently, but the cycle doesn't always have to repeat.

 

[Futility]

My dad pretty much just neglected me for the most part, I think he was escaping reality as much as I was, plus coming home with PTSD from the wars back then wasn't easy, I honestly suspect he signed up for the chance of getting killed just to escape my mother. He got physically violent a few times completely unprovoked against my cat and myself, but nothing worth a mention in comparison to my mother.

My mother slowly entered the realm of insanity, what started as sudden anger outbursts and meltdowns would become something.. else.
She was abused severely as a child, violence, sexual assault and emotional abuse was on the daily menu for her, she only "got help" after a suicide attempt, which had her abused even more, her step father would mock her and gave her the nickname "suicide enthusiast"
She was hurdled into a life of turbulence, drugs and alcohol to escape it all, had it not been for my dad, I honestly think she would have OD'd a long time ago, I wish she would have so that she wouldn't have birthed me and went on to abuse every breathing thing that was dependent on her.
She had been completely abandoned by the system, and far into old age they simply slapped "Bipolar depression" on her and had her talk to a counselor, who would just nod to her every word and never asked the right questions to get a glimpse into what really went on inside her mind, the counselor was getting paid anyhow, I was always pissed off how they were passing off a counselor as an actual psychotherapist, watching from the sidelines gave me an amazing view of how messed up mental health is actually handled.

I can't remember a single Christmas, birthday or anything else where she hasn't screamed and/or cried loudly enough to wake me up in the morning and having to pretend I wasn't affected by her outbursts, forcing us to have the perfect Christmas that she had been denied during her own childhood, whether I wanted it or not. If she didn't have 100% control, it was wrong to her, regardless of how happy I may have been. Something as little as my dad giving me something I wanted without her say-so could bring her into a complete rage that ruined everyone's day while she would behave like the victim.
To this day I cannot celebrate my own birthdays because of PTSD.
I was forced to have my hair done the way she had been denied, I was forced to wear colors that I hated, I felt like I was a living dress-up doll as she was living out the childhood she never had. I was bullied because of the way I was dressed, so this further bothered me as I had no choice. Fighting her about any of this was way worse than any bully at school.
The more difficult her life became as she never healed up from her own abuse, the more extreme she became.
I remember clearly the day she tied my thumbs behind my back in the stables, forcing me to endure a very stressful position, plopped my homework down in front of me and forced me to recite it over and over and over again, as I had come home with a note saying I had not done my homework (I was bullied at school so I didn't think anything school related was more important than video games and zoning out at home)

When she didn't think that screaming had the desired effect, she would bring out the heavy artillery, where she would smash cups, dishes, ruin flowers she had been given and scattered them all over the house, beat on the wall and talked shit about whoever had been bothering her, promised me that she would kill my bullies if I should ever ask, stuck a fork into my labia to cause pain, asked me to commit suicide more than once, and finally she would question me why I even tried my best after telling me how worthless I am.
I think what really takes the cake is how she murdered all my pets the first time I left the house after an argument and had zero remorse.

I am so disappointed in her, for someone having been a victim of exactly what she was doing to me and my family, I wish she would have thought "I won't let that happen to my children" instead.
When she died, I only shed my tears because I was furiously jealous of her death, I never cried because I lost her.
We were so done with her shit that we could not even be bothered to lay her to rest with respect, we put her in an anonymous grave. It was our final "fuck you"