792 Days ago my ex-husband pulled his final card and made his plan a reality. I always knew in the back of my mind he wasn't to be trusted. But I wanted what was best for my son. I wanted to believe that we could co-parent. Little did I know he was grooming my son to take him away from me.... With help from my family.
I wasn't a bad mom, my own mother was not a good mom and alot of my issues are because of her.... But I tried so hard to be a good mom. I kept my end of the bargain and I didn't know he was attacking me. I was defenseless.... He was the abuser, he never paid a dime... but somehow I was the bad guy. He was patient, in 2018 my mother launched her attack and he just waited until I was broken to finish the job.
They showed up at my door with the police, they used my nationality and these specific times to gaslight the police. Whatever they told them, that cop was ready to shoot me.... I wish he did... I was blindsided... I never yelled... I always hugged him and told him he was my heartbeat... I cooked his breakfast, I always asked him if he was happy... I never ever let him see me cry.....
I heard through the grapevine that my son almost died too... ironic isn't it... Less than a year in his car and he almost had him dead on the roadside.... but even sick and in the hospital my son didn't want his mommy.... I didn't hear about it until later on.... through a friend of my birthgiver.... Of course no one rushed to his side... But had i known there would have been no hesitatation.
They could have waited... I missed the important years.. 16, 17 and soon 18..... I don't know his grades or if he is going to college... I don't know if he is being good.... His father is not a good person. You can't get back lost time.
I remember the words he said... well mom with you I have no family..... Well son without you I am alone....
I tried to end it.... the SN didn't work.... I tried to live..... It just got worse... I don't have anything to live for.. my heart is gone....
But now I am working on one final gift.... a photo album.... putting it together is like a million little cuts... each photo... his little face..... I want him to see that his father lied... I want him to grow up and have some kind of memory of me.... he will probably throw it away... but just maybe he will keep it and realize that I did my best.
It hurts so bad... But I guess i deserve it..
Just have to finish this..... then I will make the plans to try again..... Either a gun to the head or my car in the garage.... Either way.. I am already dead.
Happy Mothers Day I guess.
I wasn't a bad mom, my own mother was not a good mom and alot of my issues are because of her.... But I tried so hard to be a good mom. I kept my end of the bargain and I didn't know he was attacking me. I was defenseless.... He was the abuser, he never paid a dime... but somehow I was the bad guy. He was patient, in 2018 my mother launched her attack and he just waited until I was broken to finish the job.
They showed up at my door with the police, they used my nationality and these specific times to gaslight the police. Whatever they told them, that cop was ready to shoot me.... I wish he did... I was blindsided... I never yelled... I always hugged him and told him he was my heartbeat... I cooked his breakfast, I always asked him if he was happy... I never ever let him see me cry.....
I heard through the grapevine that my son almost died too... ironic isn't it... Less than a year in his car and he almost had him dead on the roadside.... but even sick and in the hospital my son didn't want his mommy.... I didn't hear about it until later on.... through a friend of my birthgiver.... Of course no one rushed to his side... But had i known there would have been no hesitatation.
They could have waited... I missed the important years.. 16, 17 and soon 18..... I don't know his grades or if he is going to college... I don't know if he is being good.... His father is not a good person. You can't get back lost time.
I remember the words he said... well mom with you I have no family..... Well son without you I am alone....
I tried to end it.... the SN didn't work.... I tried to live..... It just got worse... I don't have anything to live for.. my heart is gone....
But now I am working on one final gift.... a photo album.... putting it together is like a million little cuts... each photo... his little face..... I want him to see that his father lied... I want him to grow up and have some kind of memory of me.... he will probably throw it away... but just maybe he will keep it and realize that I did my best.
It hurts so bad... But I guess i deserve it..
Just have to finish this..... then I will make the plans to try again..... Either a gun to the head or my car in the garage.... Either way.. I am already dead.
Happy Mothers Day I guess.
