Most suicide prevention and mental health advice is so middle class and unhelpful

[FireFox]

On a reddit this week I saw a thread from a person in their 20s who is suicidal and dissatisfied with how their life turned out.

The people on reddit were telling the person to go exploring and find themselves because they are "still young with their whole life ahead of them". This is the same advice I have received from older people whenever I reach out i have lost count of the older people who have told me "I have my whole life ahead of me" it doesn't feel that way but older people don't get it. The reddittors where telling the person to seek therapy.

Mental health advice generally speaking is just so middle class because not everyone can afford to see a therapist. In the UK private therapy is expensive and in the USA the private health insurance system is expensive as result many Americans can't afford healthcare. Families cannot afford food to feed their kids and they are not going to blow over £50 for a talk a 1 hour talk session with a therapist same apples to single people who live on their own struggling to pay bills. When someone tells to go see a therapist they are just demonstrating how privileged they are.

Not everyone can afford to travel around the world and go find themselves. I have travelled around the world since my teens with my family especially visiting relatives overseas. Every time we come back from visting relatives overseas end we end up broke. I have been stranded aboard too. Travel is expensive and not as cheap that previous generations got to enjoy.

Not everyone has homes where there is privacy and space of their own. I can't use better help app because there is no privacy at my home. I have never had a space of my own. I share a room with family members because there is no room at my house

Not everyone has the means and resources to afford to pursue a particular passion or dream because these things cost money to fianace.

Mental health advice and suicide prevention is so middle class because it fails to consider that not everyone has the support or means to improve their lives and achieve recovery.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

People like to talk about things and suggest things even when it's something they've never experienced or tried themselves. I wonder how many of the people saying to seek therapy have actually tried it. They like to think they know better than everyone else, I find it so condescending. It's especially frustrating when you've already tried all these things. It's frustrating being told things as well by people that have never had to experience the same things as you.

The "therapists" I've had in my life have been so shit in general. They made things worse. "go to therapy" isn't the answer to everything.

Go exploring and find yourself isn't the best advice for depression because when you're depressed you have less motivation to do anything, generally. I'm sorry for all the unhelpful advice and opinions you've received.

 

[UKscotty]

Our government wants us dead. We don't have any suicide support or suicide prevention here in the UK.

Other than put a few Smaritans signs, who you can't even reach as they are too busy, they do nothing here.

 

[SnakesButNoLadder]

My issues with the class system in the UK is a bit different. I think for me it's the lack of empathy and understanding and how loud the middle class are.

I'm a working class lad and all my middle class mates are always like "it's okay for men to cry" but they don't mean it, they weren't there for me. Middle class people just repeat mental health quotes online and act like they know what they're on about.

They've got good finances, haven't had issues with the police, or their personal security. But they sure run their mouths like they have.

I don't hate the system, I hate people.

 

[M1sT]

I agree, these people known as advisors, therapists and old people in general are not in our shoes so it's really useless to take any kind of advice from these people and waste money and time. Any kind of self help or self improvement comes from the heart and if they are not there, just don't burn off from the friction of trying at all cause it isn't going to help. God is useless cause people like me struggle and have the biggest reason to get hopeless and that is the WHY?
If he is there? Why?
Why not help me?

From my point of view, living is simply not worth it cause there is nothing you can take from here and there are endless disappointments.

Though I still strongly suggest you to fight if you can, if you just believe (which I lack)
I know you can do it!

Have a good day!

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I hate it too, and I say that as someone with a low-moderate income but in an area where everything is super expensive anyways. How am I supposed to "get therapy and have my own space / privacy" when I could maybe only afford one? Do I keep saving up for my own place and live in misery in the meantime, or do I get therapy but never have enough funds to leave my situation?

 

[divinemistress36]

Reddit is the worst place to get mental health advice

 

[FireFox]

Reddit is the worst place to get mental health advice

@divinemistress36 It is not just reddit even on discord I have experienced judgemental behaviour in online support communities when I opened up about my experiences with being suicidal and experiencing depression.

People are happy to virtual signal on social media how they care about mental health but the minute you have a different opinion or perspective that doesn't fit their world view they just turn on you.

Everyone wants to be seen as a good person but nobody wants to behave like an actual good person.

 

[dragonofenvy]

The only people who will be genuine, are people who experienced it themselves. That's why I use this forum. I'm not perfect, nor are the people I've talked to here. I don't expect perfection. I expect a genuine person. Being wrong but genuine is more impactful than simply parroting things you see on mental health guru channels without experiencing it for yourself.

 

[FireFox]

My issues with the class system in the UK is a bit different. I think for me it's the lack of empathy and understanding and how loud the middle class are.

I'm a working class lad and all my middle class mates are always like "it's okay for men to cry" but they don't mean it, they weren't there for me. Middle class people just repeat mental health quotes online and act like they know what they're on about.

They've got good finances, haven't had issues with the police, or their personal security. But they sure run their mouths like they have.

I don't hate the system, I hate people.

@SnakesButNoLadder People with wealth and higher status are so cut off from reality it is actually disturbing, these people live in a world of their own. My family and extended are mixture of classes- very poor, average income, comfortable middle class and then the wealthy.

My wealthy relatives are the worst I have visited their houses and have seen how money goes to peoples heads completely to the point they have no understanding how other people without easy acess to funds live. Middle class and wealthy people because of their comfortable living and support systems they are not seeing the world in a normal way .

I have an wealthy relative who is a complete arsehole. He goes to church chauffer driven in an SVU and donates his money to the church collection plate for all to see. When I couldn't afford to pay my university tuition fees for my masters programme he didn't write a cheque. My family paid him to go university overseas but he forgot all that. Once he became wealthy he just lives lavishly and cares about status. I hate him for it, the family member who needed to be helped got left behind.

He has audacity to preach to the entire family about depending on Jesus for help. Yep if you sad or depressed or have no food according to my relative Jesus will provide and make it all better.

 

[dragonofenvy]

@SnakesButNoLadder People with wealth and higher status are so cut off from reality it is actually disturbing, these people live in a world of their own. My family and extended are mixture of classes- very poor, average income, comfortable middle class and then the wealthy.

My wealthy relatives are the worst I have visited their houses and have seen how money goes to peoples heads completely to the point they have no understanding how other people without easy acess to funds live. Middle class and wealthy people because of their comfortable living and support systems they are not seeing the world in a normal way .

I have an wealthy relative who is a complete arsehole. He goes to church chauffer driven in an SVU and donates his money to the church collection plate for all to see. When I couldn't afford to pay my university tuition fees for my masters programme he didn't write a cheque. My family paid him to go university overseas but he forgot all that. Once he became wealthy he just lives lavishly and cares about status. I hate him for it, the family member who needed to be helped got left behind.

He has audacity to preach to the entire family about depending on Jesus for help. Yep if you sad or depressed or have no food according to my relative Jesus will provide and make it all better.

Money may not buy happiness, but boy does it sure alleviate suffering. Well, I suppose praying to Jesus hard enough will do the same thing as a bit of cash... right?

 

[Young.Werther]

People are happy to virtual signal on social media how they care about mental health but the minute you have a different opinion or perspective that doesn't fit their world view they just turn on you.

Everyone wants to be seen as a good person but nobody wants to behave like an actual good person.

I'm sure part of it is that, but i think part of it is also just that they don't understand. I think of this as a good thing, since understanding would require that they suffer a lot of pain. But they also don't realize how much effort it takes to try to make someone even half ok. I mean they're not there trying to comfort you when it's 1 am and you can't stop crying over how awful everything is. I think at least some people would be less pro-life if they realized what it would actually cost them to help people.

You're probably also right that some are doing it purely to virtue signal though.

 

[SnakesButNoLadder]

My family and extended are mixture of classes- very poor, average income, comfortable middle class and then the wealthy.

My family is the same, my family is poor but all my cousins are upper-middle class.

I hate him for it, the family member who needed to be helped got left behind.

I feel you, my mum got cut of the will because she's "not in the family business", then when we struggled we were left.

 

[xmissellax]

The UK is so behind on mental health help. I was in a ward recently and the nurses are just there for their paycheck. I got discharged from NHS CBT i was waiting months for because I couldn't be under two different teams now I was now suicidal. Great. With the home treatment team, I've actually been told "just think positive!" And all the bullshit advice like "think what it would do to your family, go for a walk" and I swear if I hear "take it one day at a time" one more time I'm gonna off myself right here and now lmao. I've been taking it one day at a time for AGES. Sometimes one hour at a time: I don't want to live like that anymore. I go for walks, I talk my heart out, I try meditation classes, had to book private therapy because the NHS wait lists are just bullshit.

 

[FireFox]

My family is the same, my family is poor but all my cousins are upper-middle class.


I feel you, my mum got cut of the will because she's "not in the family business", then when we struggled we were left.

@SnakesButNoLadder A human being who can bring suffering to thier own flesh and blood is pure evil. Your mother deserved so much better.

In my family everyone knew my mum was struggling when she had me but nobody cared to help. The wealthy relatives didn't care. These relatives have audacity to demand I vist them and spend time with them. Family gatherings are pure hell because I have to pretend to be nice to them.

I loved the pandemic because it meant never seeing my relatives again and for once I had real freedom. In my family's culture family is a big deal and cutting off family is not easy like in white western families.

I hate my relatives I can't even share my feelings with anyone. In my family eyes the relatives can do no wrong and use religion as an excuse to tolerate abuse and awful behaviour.

I wish as a society we can talk more openly and honesty about selfishness from family members causing suffering for everyone.

Money may not buy happiness, but boy does it sure alleviate suffering. Well, I suppose praying to Jesus hard enough will do the same thing as a bit of cash... right?

@dragonofenvy Exactly If I had money I will be able to live the life I want and a world without my awful relatives. When my mother dies I am ready to cut off contact with my relatives I am so sick and tired of them. My mum cares too much what these arseholes think and is in deep denial that I actually hate these relatives and everything they have done.

I have the worst relatives ever the more I learn the worst it keeps getting. These people don't give a shit about anyone except themselves and have the worst entitlement to be involved in other people's business. Worst of all they don't want other family members to do better except their own kids. My relatives enjoy seeing other people fail yep it is so bad I was told by my mum not to tell the relatives I got fired because they will finding it hilarious and gloating.

Fianacial freedom means for me being able to live life without my relatives and being able to fiance the things I enjoy doing.

 

[FireFox]

People like to talk about things and suggest things even when it's something they've never experienced or tried themselves. I wonder how many of the people saying to seek therapy have actually tried it. They like to think they know better than everyone else, I find it so condescending. It's especially frustrating when you've already tried all these things. It's frustrating being told things as well by people that have never had to experience the same things as you.

The "therapists" I've had in my life have been so shit in general. They made things worse. "go to therapy" isn't the answer to everything.

Go exploring and find yourself isn't the best advice for depression because when you're depressed you have less motivation to do anything, generally. I'm sorry for all the unhelpful advice and opinions you've received.

@Suicidebydeath Exactly when I told people at a digtal detox discord server group I have had difficulty accessing mental health services in my country the people on the server accused me of not trying hard enough. Therapy is a luxury for middle class and rich people to pay for someone to listen to their problems. It is a privilege to access good quality therapy but society doesnt want to discuss that nor find ways to improve the mental health system.

>The "therapists" I've had in my life have been so shit in general. They made things worse. "go to therapy" isn't the answer to everything.

That is terrible. A lot of people think therapists fix everything because of what they see on the TV shows and movies. Then we have a rise in famous therapists going on talk shows etc. It doesn't help how therapy is constantly promoted and how one must seek to therapy for anything upsetting them.

Our government wants us dead. We don't have any suicide support or suicide prevention here in the UK.

Other than put a few Smaritans signs, who you can't even reach as they are too busy, they do nothing here.

@UKscotty Interesting I used Samaritians once and I quickly got put on the phone to someone. I used the service during like afternoon time.

How about you? Does the times when you
Call Samaritians affect whether you can reach someone or not. For example are lines busier in the evening time than the morning and afternoon or is it busy generally.

 

[underthedatetree]

Overpromoting therapy caused more isolation than ever. Try to let a little air out in the tiniest vent to loved ones, trusted "friends", or public forums (that are not SaSu) then you are Trauma Dumping™ and you need to take it to a Professional™ so normal people aren't inconvenienced. And then they go to therapy and get sucked into therapist's psychological jargon, now normal people are weirded out by their annoying therapy speak and interact with them even less.

 

[FireFox]

The UK is so behind on mental health help. I was in a ward recently and the nurses are just there for their paycheck. I got discharged from NHS CBT i was waiting months for because I couldn't be under two different teams now I was now suicidal. Great. With the home treatment team, I've actually been told "just think positive!" And all the bullshit advice like "think what it would do to your family, go for a walk" and I swear if I hear "take it one day at a time" one more time I'm gonna off myself right here and now lmao. I've been taking it one day at a time for AGES. Sometimes one hour at a time: I don't want to live like that anymore. I go for walks, I talk my heart out, I try meditation classes, had to book private therapy because the NHS wait lists are just bullshit.

@xmissellax These are the serious issues we need to be discussing in the UK. It is so annoying turning on the TV watching Sky News and BBC constantly going on and on about about some idiot Tory MP over his Islamaphobic comments about the London Mayor Sadiq Khan. The MP has been suspended as part of procedure but no the media and the Labour Party keep talking about the issue everyday. Labour are not any better Keir starmer harbours racists MP in his own party but there is no media circus and public outrage over that.

UK politics has become too much like US politics of Conservative MPs spreading hate filled conspiracy theories like the Republicans, The British media and public too fighting over culture wars just like the US does. Britian has become the new America.

British politicians and the public should be discussing serious issues effecting people's lives.

 

[onbekend]

Reddit is such a trash website for any serious advice, They prey on people who just want answers and end up being extremely rude and obnoxious, they are always extremely adamant in their opinions and if you express any opinions differing from their own you'll be immediately censored. I could go on and on about them but I don't think It's worth writing an entire paragraph about it.

 

[FireFox]

Overpromoting therapy caused more isolation than ever. Try to let a little air out in the tiniest vent to loved ones, trusted "friends", or public forums (that are not SaSu) then you are Trauma Dumping™ and you need to take it to a Professional™ so normal people aren't inconvenienced. And then they go to therapy and get sucked into therapist's psychological jargon, now normal people are weirded out by their annoying therapy speak and interact with them even less.

@underthedatetree I have experienced this too. On a discord server I was once accused of "trauma dumping" by a femcel arsehole moderator all because I regularly shared my upset over getting humiliated at work by my boss and work colleagues and getting fired from my first ever full time job due to having poor customer service skills.

Looking back now it was not " trauma" what I was going through. It was perfectly normal that I was upset my first ever full time job turned out awfully. The fact I was upset was because I care about my future and wanted to be a better employee and disappointed I never got to show what I was good at.

Only when I met other people going through what I went through in my last job I began to feel better and confidence regained again.

Most people who use the term trauma dumping do not even understand what actually qualifies as trauma. It is so insulting really people throwing around terns they don't understand.

Reddit is such a trash website for any serious advice, They prey on people who just want answers and end up being extremely rude and obnoxious, they are always extremely adamant in their opinions and if you express any opinions differing from their own you'll be immediately censored. I could go on and on about them but I don't think It's worth writing an entire paragraph about it.

@onbekend The last piece of advice I asked reddit was weeks ago on how to cope with being single on Valentines day as the day makes me sad.

Then comments were the following

● " I saw your post history, your a toxic person" all because I make threads my on my antinatalist beliefs and I make feminist threads about the harm of deepfake pornography on women and types of abuse involving technology.

Other people started joining in saying I am bad person for having these beliefs

● others were just dismissive saying being single is fun etc

Even in support and advice spaces of reddit I have been met with judgement and no support really.

I always hope someone will tell me the right thing but no.

I'm sure part of it is that, but i think part of it is also just that they don't understand. I think of this as a good thing, since understanding would require that they suffer a lot of pain. But they also don't realize how much effort it takes to try to make someone even half ok. I mean they're not there trying to comfort you when it's 1 am and you can't stop crying over how awful everything is. I think at least some people would be less pro-life if they realized what it would actually cost them to help people.

You're probably also right that some are doing it purely to virtue signal though.

@young Werther People complain social media has made society worse I disagree. Social media is a massive mirror exposing people for who they really are and the true depravity that exists in our world.

● social media shows over and over again how people like to go along with the crowd in bullying, gossiping and making fun of others

● Social media shows people enjoy seeing others suffer look at how people livestream and share teenagers getting beaten up at school or people getting tortured or humiliated in some way

● Social media also shows how people want to be seen as this morally good person in filming or taking pictures of their acts of kindness in public while being arseholes in private.

Parents and older boomers blame social media for everything because they are deep in denial over how evil the world they brought their kids in and have failed to equip their kids to deal with it.

 

[BlockHammer]

I think one of the reason is that people that we trying to talk to on the internet or social media in general also have a problem within themself and being rude/toxic is one of the way to aliviate their suffering eventhough it'll cost a people like us who came in peace getting more depressed,

Another thing that i want to mention is that as long as we have this sense of self or should i say ego, we would not be able to understand each other, prolly we can to a certain extend but it will never be 100%.

 

[FireFox]

I think one of the reason is that people that we trying to talk to on the internet or social media in general also have a problem within themself and being rude/toxic is one of the way to aliviate their suffering eventhough it'll cost a people like us who came in peace getting more depressed,

Another thing that i want to mention is that as long as we have this sense of self or should i say ego, we would not be able to understand each other, prolly we can to a certain extend but it will never be 100%.

@BlockHammer It is a very interesting point you make. I used to be belong to this femcel sub and the moderator was always just picking me. Everything post I wrote she just kept criticising and putting me down but she was always nicer to the other women. I struggled to fit in the femcel community because though I was like these women who struggled to find love and never had a boyfriend, I am different to these women. The women are introverted stay at home types while I am a extroverted person who likes visting places.

One day I finally learnt why she always disliked me it turned her hostility towards me was her own personal insecurity about herself and her own life. She even attacked me for the life I live which finally showed her personal jealousy. I also learnt the other women in that discord server went along with her behaviour because they were scared of her.

 

[alltoomuch2]

The UK is so behind on mental health help. I was in a ward recently and the nurses are just there for their paycheck. I got discharged from NHS CBT i was waiting months for because I couldn't be under two different teams now I was now suicidal. Great. With the home treatment team, I've actually been told "just think positive!" And all the bullshit advice like "think what it would do to your family, go for a walk" and I swear if I hear "take it one day at a time" one more time I'm gonna off myself right here and now lmao. I've been taking it one day at a time for AGES. Sometimes one hour at a time: I don't want to live like that anymore. I go for walks, I talk my heart out, I try meditation classes, had to book private therapy because the NHS wait lists are just bullshit.

Similar here. Self referred for CBT in September last year. Mental health while I was waiting ending up with crisis team in December. They said that CBT wasn't sufficient because my problems were too severe and there was complex trauma and autism too. They said I should be reassessed, but no, back on the waiting list for basic CBT even though they were aware of my suicide plans. Finally get to start the CBT a few weeks ago and what a surprise, discharged after 2 sessions because my problems are too severe, my case was discussed at an interface meeting, and I now I'm waiting again, this time for an assessment by the Interface place based team to see "if" they can help me. ATM the NHS is so overwhelmed that you either get CBT for mild conditions or they wait until you CBT. I feel unheard and dismissed.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've never understood why they would think the phrase: 'You have your whole life ahead of you' would be in any way comforting to someone who wants to end their life! It's like a marathon runner spraining their ankle one mile in and everyone saying- 'good news! You've got 25 miles to go.'

 

[FireFox]

Similar here. Self referred for CBT in September last year. Mental health while I was waiting ending up with crisis team in December. They said that CBT wasn't sufficient because my problems were too severe and there was complex trauma and autism too. They said I should be reassessed, but no, back on the waiting list for basic CBT even though they were aware of my suicide plans. Finally get to start the CBT a few weeks ago and what a surprise, discharged after 2 sessions because my problems are too severe, my case was discussed at an interface meeting, and I now I'm waiting again, this time for an assessment by the Interface place based team to see "if" they can help me. ATM the NHS is so overwhelmed that you either get CBT for mild conditions or they wait until you CBT. I feel unheard and dismissed.

@alltoomuch2 The more I see people in this country telling their mentally ill family and friends or those in their communities or people on social media to seek help I have no come to the conclusion majority of the British public have no idea how broken our mental health services are.

I have noticed a lot of mental health awareness campaigns and support is for people with mild to moderate cases of mental health but if you have a severe case then there is not much support really.

Your experience actaully shows our NHS needs urgent reform and these are the issues we need to be discussing in this country.

 

[Cakeisalie]

Help service>"Don't die please, stay alive and spend money with us."