Discussion Most annoying things people say to someone who is suicidal

[singingcrow]

"are you sure you are?"

 

[horseshoefalls]

"Toughen up, that's life." If that's life I'm clearly not cut out for it! :)

Honest question, What do you want me to say? If i have a suicidal friend, what should i tell him if I see that hes are having a rough time or another episode?

Ask them if they want to talk about it, if there's anyway you can help and that you're here for them, be understanding with whatever their venting about. But don't be overly worried and spout solutions because it can be overwhelming and feel weird, and they might just want reassurance and understanding and might not have the energy to even use those solutions. Also, don't be upset if that doesn't work because some people don't improve by just that, you yourself can't fix them and it's their decision on if they want to get better, you can be there to support them and guide them through their problems, though, and just be a great friend in general, but you can't fix them.

I'd say stuff like this.

"I'm here for you, I'll help you as much as I can."
"Do you wanna talk about it? it's okay if not, i'm not going to pressure you."
"I understand, that sounds really shitty. is there any way I can help? or do you just wanna vent."
"I've gone through similar things, it's really crappy but you aren't alone."
"I'm glad we both can speak with eachother about things like this."

This might not work for everyone but it's just best to show that you understand, you're not going to pressure them into anything or safeguard them and watch them 24/7, you're not going to judge them, you can give them advice and you can relate to some experiences, but obviously don't make it all about yourself, if they want to hear about your experiences, you both can talk about it, and it can be something you both can bond with and relate to.

 

[eggsausagerice]

"Some people have it worse"

my rapist told me this because he loved to downplay my problems. it always felt horribly ironic because it felt like he was the one that was actively ruining my life by being in it but kept wanting to make excuses like "i could be homeless" or "i could have cancer" so that i would never acknowledge he was the problem. the sickest people can tell you this. i hate that people have an innate desire to downplay people's issues just because there's always a hypothetically worse situation you could be in. it seems like the only way you'll realistically be allowed to suffer is if you already died and went to hell.

Suicidal ideation isn't a permanent problem tbf, some people can recover some can't. Mental illness and suicidal ideation aren't mutually exclusive after all.

my irl friends have all talked about being suicidal or being depressed "before", but then they "got over it". i feel like more much of a lost cause seeing my friend go through a depressive episode then saying they stopped being suicidal after a few days. that they became normal again. i started to wonder if we could finally relate on thinking that our lives weren't worth living and that i could tell him i was planning on dying this month, but it barely took him any time to stop actively ideating. the difference between me and my friends is that they're mentally ill but still see suicide as the worst thing you can do to yourself, while i stopped seeing any other option for myself after my life's only gotten worse as i've grown up. it's painful to remember that i really am different. i've always seem suicide as an option, because my baseline mood is miserable.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Ahh yes, the ol "Permanent solution to a temporary problem".... Well if there's a cure for full blown COPD, bring it to me... I'll still ctb anyway.

I think I've heard every one of them, and none of them has made me rethink my life circumstances.

I don't see me waking up in the morning with sunlight shining on my face, stretch, smile and think to myself, "Today is going to be a beautiful day" ( you know, like those stupid ass commercials).

 

[Dinozauria]

i second both replies above me. i'd also like to nominate "if you were suicidal you'd have killed yourself by now"

Ohh, that one drives me mad, it's so stupid. Like genuinely just say you know fuck all about mental health and admit Ignorance. There is no need to say something that stupid


I think I agree with everything people have said above. The next most annoying thing imo I haven't seen mentioned is someone saying "most people who lived regretted ever trying to commit". Like okay ?? But then you don't talk about the people who wish they did die. You're only using the favourable stories in your argument. Additionally, why would I care? I'd be dead. I wouldn't be able to regret dying during eternal nothingness.
I do think it's 100% it can help some people, and be comforting to some, but for me it just makes me annoyed

 

[iLikeFrogs]

"If you kill yourself, what will happen to your parents?" I hope they'll suffer. I hope they feel a fraction of the pain they put me through. but they wont- maybe bruised ego at best.
also "it'll get better" but it'll get worse too. it's a vicious cycle. was suicidal from way before I even knew that MH is a thing. I was suicidical since I was a goddammed 5yo. it'll never leave me alone. I just want the pain to go away

 

[SentimentalTrip]

"Your life is worth living." This one annoys the hell out of me. I know it's well intentioned, and I know that in many circumstances it's probably true. But who gets to decided who's life is worth living? The person living it does. They're the ones who have to live it! And if after years and years of suffering they want to throw in the towel, they ought to be able to do so with a peaceful, accessible manner.

It's really like telling someone "Don't quit the job you hate, your job is worth it!" Okay, well that's easy to say when you're not the one working that job. What if the person working that job has had enough and wants to find something else?

 

[emptymiku]

when they try to frame you as being selfish "for leaving them"

 

[Passenger4224]

Honest question, What do you want me to say? If i have a suicidal friend, what should i tell him if I see that hes are having a rough time or another episode?

I'd want someone to just listen to me and be accepting of whichever decision I make without trying to sway me either way.

Something like "I'm sorry about what you're going through. It really sounds like a lot. I'm not going to tell you what decision to make because it's your choice. Just know I would miss you if you were no longer here."

If I had a suicidal friend, I'd also ask questions to get a better understanding of the friend's situation if I was curious.

 

[ilovenewyork]

For some, the crisis can pass, or time can bring a change of heart. Perhaps there's a discussion involved to help them see things in a different light. They might need that from us. I think they're worth it and their family sure would be grateful. Maybe better than wishing them a pleasant death, because it likely won't be pleasant even with SN.

That said I get the majority perhaps have unresolvable and complex issues. It can depend on what stage of life they are in. The young don't have perspective and obviously, experience.

 

[FailureCycle]

My mom would always invalidate my feelings and experiences. She'd say she's older and has more life experience than me. That she knows better and that it's not the right answer. She meant well, but she clearly doesn't know how to talk to a suicidal person. I stopped bothering to talk to her about it years ago.

 

[ilovenewyork]

Unfortunately it's very difficult to see the value of life experience until you have it. Think back 10 years, how different everything is now and how little of what mattered then matters now.

 

[lankyfrankie]

"Take more medicine"
If I have to medicate myself to the point I can't think or feel or care.. then why be alive?

 

[neverexistedd]

i second both replies above me. i'd also like to nominate "if you were suicidal you'd have killed yourself by now"

adding to this : "you're just looking for attention" or "if you failed once then you did it for attention"

 

[Passenger4224]

My mom would always invalidate my feelings and experiences. She'd say she's older and has more life experience than me. That she knows better and that it's not the right answer. She meant well, but she clearly doesn't know how to talk to a suicidal person. I stopped bothering to talk to her about it years ago.

Sounds like some people I know. I can give logical arguments, but they cannot process them, so they just respond with "I'm older than you therefore I am right"

Also, another one I haven't seen yet: casually dropping the hotline

I was fooling around with ChatGPT pretending to be a concerned friend of a suicidal person, and one of the first suggestions was to send the hotline to em

 

[eggsausagerice]

"Take more medicine"
If I have to medicate myself to the point I can't think or feel or care.. then why be alive?

being prescribed or taking more medicine is such a cope and it's really callous coming from people that aren't even medicated. i get irritated whenever i think about the people in my life that have pushed medicine or therapy when i can't even afford treatment. in wards they just give you as much medicine as you can and you have to nod your head and say it's working so that you're allowed to leave. being overmedicated just makes you tired and so apathetic you can't think.

I was fooling around with ChatGPT pretending to be a concerned friend of a suicidal person, and one of the first suggestions was to send the hotline to em

the hotline is soooo annoying. i used to call it multiple times a week when i was really lonely, but i know it didn't really help. this was before i had sasu, so i had no real way to vent about how i was feeling besides the hotline people. i also called warmlines and the youth helpline while i was in high school. i think only non-suicidal think the hotline actually helps, when it's more like the only resource a suicidal person can have if they don't have a therapist or a support system.

 

[aufrechtm7]

my rapist told me this because he loved to downplay my problems. it always felt horribly ironic because it felt like he was the one that was actively ruining my life by being in it but kept wanting to make excuses like "i could be homeless" or "i could have cancer" so that i would never acknowledge he was the problem. the sickest people can tell you this. i hate that people have an innate desire to downplay people's issues just because there's always a hypothetically worse situation you could be in. it seems like the only way you'll realistically be allowed to suffer is if you already died and went to hell.


my irl friends have all talked about being suicidal or being depressed "before", but then they "got over it". i feel like more much of a lost cause seeing my friend go through a depressive episode then saying they stopped being suicidal after a few days. that they became normal again. i started to wonder if we could finally relate on thinking that our lives weren't worth living and that i could tell him i was planning on dying this month, but it barely took him any time to stop actively ideating. the difference between me and my friends is that they're mentally ill but still see suicide as the worst thing you can do to yourself, while i stopped seeing any other option for myself after my life's only gotten worse as i've grown up. it's painful to remember that i really am different. i've always seem suicide as an option, because my baseline mood is miserable.

Needed some time to process this one because my mind has been getting broken down by stories of abuse, whoever that guy is needs some serious punishment though.

The complexity of depression and suicide is just so frustrating even if it's understandable. Your friends can't help but compare even though their situations aren't comparable at all to yours. I'm sure it wasn't their intention either, but getting over ideation and depression in days is so reductive zzz

 

[thefarter]

"It gets better"

 

[nitrogenous]

"It will get better" "If you're really suicidal, why are you still alive?" "It's all just in your head" "Everyone cares about you" "I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help" "suicide is your choice, you're an adult" "I can't help you if you kill yourself after this session" "If you kill yourself, I won't go to the other side just to help you"

Believe it or not, these have all been said to me either by my private medical team or public medical team in the emergency/public ward.