Does anyone else ever have days where they managed to ease their depression/suicidal ideation, only to wake up in the morning and your brain goes into default mode tormenting you all over again? Just renders trying to get better as pointless
AtMostOkay
Screw your courage to the sticking place.
- Jun 29, 2021
- 926
Yes. Almost daily. Fight to reset.
Sometimes it may feel that way for me. I'm not sure if it's because as the night progresses, I know that I'm getting closer to sleeping. And sleep is my only escape from reality. Or it's just the weed and painkillers. At the end of the day, nothing helps. I wake up with the same suicidal thoughts. It hasn't gotten any better
AtMostOkay
Screw your courage to the sticking place.
- Jun 29, 2021
- 926
Can relate, stay high to assist the reset.
exhausteduntreatable
Member
- Oct 8, 2021
- 80
Yes. On occasion I experience these very very brief flashes of relief. This slight feeling of "maybe it will all be okay somehow". Wilfully delusional. Akin to being on drugs. But no matter what the next morning comes and that familiar black wave of dread and all encompassing doom washes it all away and drowns it.
MeltedJello
My brain is a liquid mess.
- Aug 18, 2021
- 2,214
Yeah everytime I wake up, everything resets back to default for me. My empty, lonely, & pointless life continues on again & again. An endless cycle, that will eventually end, once I find the perfect chance to ctb.
BitterlyAlive_
-
- Dec 8, 2020
- 2,394
The mornings are a literal hell for me. I get so incredibly suicidal. I know that cortisol is naturally higher in the mornings, maybe it's extra excessive for me. But fuck, it's usually so painful. Sometimes, though…. I'm just calmly suicidal. Those are honestly, simultaneously, some of the best and worst mornings.
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arainydancer
Member
- Oct 20, 2021
- 21
Mornings and afternoons are the worst part of the day for me. Maybe it's just how my body works but I hated everything that happens during those times, nighttime is usually when I cool off. These days I just force myself to be awake through the night and morning to prevent this whole thing. Won't help me and my mental state for sure, but nothing is worth helping myself for, right?
You're definitely not alone in that feeling.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 45,663
I never have days where I do not feel suicidal. In my case, life is not for me and I want nothing to do with living. Every day, I hope to fall asleep and never wake again. However I usually feel the worst in the mornings. Most days I wake up feeling ill and there is an feeling of dread.
Yes a feeling I have eryday.
I spend my days pretending I'm okay and happy for others so they don't notice but it hurts to pretend.
I still have a little while before I am able to end this pain.
I spend my days pretending I'm okay and happy for others so they don't notice but it hurts to pretend.
I still have a little while before I am able to end this pain.
meetapple
Mage
- Jun 3, 2021
- 585
Hate waking up. Have a split second of calm before all horrible emotions and thoughts start again. Its hell.
Same here.
There are a few brief moments after waking up where I don't have negative thoughts streaming through my mind. If I could somehow increase that duration of time I could work towards recovery.
Every day I go through the motions of evaluating my life. Can I get better? Can I find a low-stress job to make ends meet? Can I turn this life around? After going through these type of thoughts I generally end up back at the bus stop contemplating CTB. It's a cruel mode of thinking, no doubt.
aludnelac
wayward weirdo
- Sep 15, 2021
- 55
yeah.. everyday getting up is just consumed with a deep sense of dread and internal suffocation, it feels like i'm in a strong sense of panic that i can't break from in the mornings, and like i'm almost tethered to the bed, and it's physically difficult to force myself free.. like you're just completely frozen, essentially..
LONE WOLF.
PUNISHER.
- Nov 4, 2020
- 1,990
I don't like sleeping as l have terrifying nightmares when l'm asleep, usually flashbacks,firefights and losing my dog! I can't remember the last time I had a good 8-hour's! I've found that l sleep better during the day and stay awake at nights!
I usually can't wait for the night to come. I only look forward to sleep these days. I desire oblivion. I'll take my quetiapine and fall asleep soon after. If I sleep throughout the morning, then there is only an afternoon to get through somehow.
Similar scenario here.
I'm thankful that the medication helps me to sleep, but I suspect the hindered dopamine is fueling my depression. Have you tried any additional meds to help the depression?
HiImPaul
Student
- Nov 5, 2021
- 125
Can't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep too, really sucks. I don't have nightmares or anything I always just wake up at 3/4am and can't ever get back to sleep. Means I'm suffering for 20 hours a day instead of 16 yay
Mornings are horrific. The best way I can describe it to a "normal" person,which I was years ago, is its how they would feel if they had a horrible, traumatic event take place place the day before - example spouce or child died, cancer diagnosis sentenced to prison time. The feeling they would have next day upon waking when they realize, no this it not a nightmare, its reality. I wake with that every single day. I'm just traumatized by the idea of struggling thru another day.
Yes, the mornings are always the worst for me too. Right when I wake up, all of the thoughts of inadequacy and all of the anxiety and worry about everything going on in my life come flooding back in.
ENDOFTIME
Member
- Nov 3, 2021
- 56
Yeah, I wake up every day and immediately think .... FU#@ .... another damm day.
