My brain is so odd. Just a couple days ago I felt like wanting to throw myself off a bridge or stare down the barrel of a shotgun. I even kept pointing a toy M1911 at my forehead pretending it was a real gun and I would keep pulling the trigger. It was like my mind just kept telling me these mean, nasty words about myself. My eyes were drenched in tears as I sat alone in my room for most of that day.
Today, I want to give myself a big, warm hug and tell myself that everything will be fine. At the moment, any self deprecating thoughts or any desire to harm myself has not affected me whatsoever. I don't feel like crying at all either, unlike a few days ago. I feel pretty good about myself at the moment.
I also started enrollment to go back to school, which is probably why I'm feeling good right now. It feels like I finally took initiative in making some progress towards feeling better.
What I'm describing could probably fit under a myriad of different mental disorders. It feels like I'm experiencing moments of calmness and satisfaction with myself on some days, and on others I feel complete despair and intense negative thoughts. My mental state has never really swayed this much before, even when I first started experiencing depression at 14 years old. I am 24 now.
I'm seriously considering journaling as a hobby at this point, just so I could record how I am feeling day by day.
Today, I want to give myself a big, warm hug and tell myself that everything will be fine. At the moment, any self deprecating thoughts or any desire to harm myself has not affected me whatsoever. I don't feel like crying at all either, unlike a few days ago. I feel pretty good about myself at the moment.
I also started enrollment to go back to school, which is probably why I'm feeling good right now. It feels like I finally took initiative in making some progress towards feeling better.
What I'm describing could probably fit under a myriad of different mental disorders. It feels like I'm experiencing moments of calmness and satisfaction with myself on some days, and on others I feel complete despair and intense negative thoughts. My mental state has never really swayed this much before, even when I first started experiencing depression at 14 years old. I am 24 now.
I'm seriously considering journaling as a hobby at this point, just so I could record how I am feeling day by day.
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