Another picture of my self harm.
WH101
Member
- Nov 3, 2020
- 15
Can you explain to me more about why this, what this does for you and the process etc if you wouldn't mind.
I usually explain my reasoning on my other post. The day I posted this one I didn't have the energy to explain. I share my photos for three reasons; 1. To no longer feel as alone as I used to. Majority of my day is spent in private cutting, burning, etc. For most of my life I've been attacked for even the smallest mistakes, and attacked further for any display of being upset by this. I don't want to keep this secret any longer. Since I was eleven this has been something I could tell no one. To keep a secret for eleven years now (I'm 22) becomes an overbearing weight. I just don't want to be alone anymore.
2. Mockery from people I trusted. People who I thought were my friends invaded my privacy. People stay with others, even when it hurts them, because of the fear of being alone. That is what I done. Their abuse kept getting worse, and worse. I thought that I deserved it. That I must take it, because no one else would accept me. To take anything that is done to you and falsely said about you just for some form of companionship, even if it is fictional. It ended in them getting into my accounts, seeing my private thoughts and suffering I had begun writing down as a means of trying to escape a constant barrage of mental torment. The bullying only got worse from there. The story had been told many times, this only being part of it, today I don't have the energy to tell it again. I am sorry for that.
3. I'm not planning on staying on this earth for much longer. For a decade I done this to myself because the physical pain has been an escape from the mental. No one other than the people who have forcibly found out, and celebrated my suffering would have known what I been through. They would be happy to know no one else knew what I went through. They will celebrate my death. Everyone who didn't believe in me, who sided with and empowered my tormentors, were right. I amounted to nothing. Here, this website is the only retreat that has people who understand. My third reason is much like the first in that I don't want to be alone, except also including I want others to finally know my story, and know what happened to me. As egotistical as it can be perceived to be.
Karavamp
sorry
- May 22, 2023
- 5
I'm sorry what you have to go through it sounds horrific. It's good you start talking about it maybe that helps a bit already and yes this place is such a great place because people here are listening to others problems, they understand them and have empathy. Although it's a virtual place you are not alone here! I wish you all the best!!
I did self harm too, but in a different way. I jabbed myself with needles filled with heroin. Self mutilation instantly rewarded with a nice High. The other much uglier form was from smoking amphetamines till I burned out. But that's cause my parents being stuck up, and not getting me into proper methadone treatment. The repair of the brain damage alone costs well into the thousands. Seems like a cheapo shotgun is my best bet now. But not by choice, I don't want to die, I'm being given no choice.
I'd beat my dad's brains out with a crowbar honestly.... thinking of blowing his legs off before I ctb to leave him disfigured for life.
He's a sadist and they say you can't hurt a sadist aside from either bashing their skull in or permanently disabling them. I think prison would be best for him though. Inmates do not like child abusers, At all, arguably worse or on same level as a pedophile or snitch.
I feel ya but used needles filled with drugs instead of razor blades. I'd do it for life if I could. I missed the ritual of waking up and cooking up a shot. That high purity heroin was nice too, combined with DXM was godly. Or methamphetamine in early days but short lived and hearing voices wasn't fun. But I overdo everything. More responsible now but too little too late unfortunately.
The ultimate self harm for me is a shotgun to my head or shooting up lethal amounts of drugs or both together.
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EndJstifiesTheMeans
Bad english, didn't go to school sorry
- May 14, 2023
- 448
