Venting Monday is coming

[CynicalHopelessness]

Anybody else feels this dread every time a weekend comes to an end?

I'm a programmer, and I hate working. I know that I'm comparatively well off, and frankly, I feel guilty saying this, since I know many people here are in worse situation. I am not abused or put into harsh condition by any means.

But having this feeling of incoming five days of fighting anxiety trying to get enough done so I can put a food on my plate and have a roof over my head just drives me nuts every week. And it's only getting worse over time. There are now entire days when I just stare at screen, zero thoughts manifesting in my brain, unable to get anything meaningful done, and I count time down until 6PM each Friday, so I at least have few days when I don't have to wake up by schedule.

It's a small thing in a grand scheme of my problems, but it adds up. Days, weeks, months just turn into gray mush ran through a grinder. The only timeline I have is that of my intelligence and executive function slowly, but surely deteriorating. There's nothing remotely positive to anticipate in these days, nor is there anything that makes all it worthwhile.

Sorry if I'm just whining here. Here's a random cats picture for you troubles:

 

[Daffodil]

Tech is a meaningless grind. I have come from a similar background, spent the last 6 months trying to find something better and have not. It's the way the economy is going - many workers being paid the minimum wage the market will hold and very few at the top making 4x the salary. There's very little real opportunity for the young generation. I have ground myself to a pulp and can't go on, won't go on.

 

[randomz]

Currently having the same feelings and thoughts running in my head. Every day feels like a nightmare filled with anxiety and the need to swallow a couple of pills in the morning just to start the workday. I guess, that's life and it's still good that we can enjoy the weekends.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Currently having the same feelings and thoughts running in my head. Every day feels like a nightmare filled with anxiety and the need to swallow a couple of pills in the morning just to start the workday. I guess, that's life and it's still good that we can enjoy the weekends.

I wish I could. There's not really a difference in meaning on weekends, just a slightly longer break until the next cycle.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I do. I work in the tech industry as well and it always feel like a grind Monday - Friday; as if you can't take a day off due to the sheer amount of work that is required. Due to my depression, it has made it very difficult to focus on anything work related and I only look forward to the time I get off and can walk out of the office.

 

[Carina]

I'm considered the only IT person... so I'm the programmer, web developer, IT manager, network person, help desk, phone systems, literally 'everything' for a 50 some odd person company that brings in millions/tens of millions.

It pays, still not enough, even if it did, I still would be here. I find myself looking forward to Friday just so I don't have to worry about when I sleep or wake, and dread Sundays just because I have to pay attention to when I go to bed. I don't hate what I do exactly , but I never meant for it to be a career, I like the people, but it leads to stress. I feel guilty that I know I'm the one who's designed the main programs that they're relying on that basically run some of their back ends now, but I'm not going to be around that long, and whoever would replace me would have a hard time maintaining the programming possibly.

So I do, i dread the weekend ending, I wish it never would. I don't want to go back just so there wouldn't be a time for me to disappoint them. And I know that if I didn't work, I'd spend all day in bed, never moving, never getting up. So really it's probably good I work just to get me out of the house, even if I don't want it.

I haven't even had a vacation in 2 years almost, even when I had surgery, I was doing work from home, an hour after being woken from it. just because I have no one else that could do it. yet the one manager considered it 'time off'.


So don't feel bad for 'whining' or even being in a decent place. We're all here for a reason, and it's valid to you, so that's all that matters!

 

[WhyIsLife56]

The spring semester starts again tomorrow. I hate school. It makes the urges stronger. I don't want to go to school

 

[BooGirl]

The spring semester starts again tomorrow. I hate school. It makes the urges stronger. I don't want to go to school

I'm in middle of a winter intersession class. It's not fun. I'm really good at school in general, but it just makes me so anxious.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I'm in middle of a winter intersession class. It's not fun. I'm really good at school in general, but it just makes me so anxious.

When you come from a South Korean background, the pressure of it all becomes too much. There's a reason people end their lives over there just because of this reason.

 

[BooGirl]

When you come from a South Korean background, the pressure of it all becomes too much. There's a reason people end their lives over there just because of this reason.

Oh yeah, I've heard some really bad stories.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Oh yeah, I've heard some really bad stories.

The world needs to fucking chill out. Like just chill.

 

[Mloureiro]

Anybody else feels this dread every time a weekend comes to an end?

I'm a programmer, and I hate working. I know that I'm comparatively well off, and frankly, I feel guilty saying this, since I know many people here are in worse situation. I am not abused or put into harsh condition by any means.

But having this feeling of incoming five days of fighting anxiety trying to get enough done so I can put a food on my plate and have a roof over my head just drives me nuts every week. And it's only getting worse over time. There are now entire days when I just stare at screen, zero thoughts manifesting in my brain, unable to get anything meaningful done, and I count time down until 6PM each Friday, so I at least have few days when I don't have to wake up by schedule.

It's a small thing in a grand scheme of my problems, but it adds up. Days, weeks, months just turn into gray mush ran through a grinder. The only timeline I have is that of my intelligence and executive function slowly, but surely deteriorating. There's nothing remotely positive to anticipate in these days, nor is there anything that makes all it worthwhile.

Sorry if I'm just whining here. Here's a random cats picture for you troubles:
View attachment 24431

Yep, I know the feeling very well.