Venting Mom’s reaction to be wanting to CTB

[depthss]

It was a few years ago I told her, but it was the worst thing I ever did. I think she told my step dad too because they were both mad at me the next day.
She started yelling at me all the time and picking fights all the time. I don't even remember much of what happened honestly, it's all just a blur. I just remember we fought every single day over the smallest things, and it would always result in me just crying. I talked to crisis hotline workers all the time, pretty much every other day, and it was always about her. They'd usually say something about a "support system" or something to do with foster care but nothing ever changed. They'd all just repeat the exact same stuff like a broken record.
Telling her that I was suicidal was the worst decision I've ever made. That was the time in my life where my feelings were the worst, and it was mostly because of her. I don't know how she could even act so cruel. She's not normally like that. Normally I'd say she just liked my sister more than me, she was maybe a bit neglectful at the very worst tbh, but idk if I'd even go that far. She just ignored me a lot and didn't really care about what I did. No discipline or praise, I couldn't rely on her for anything, she just ignored me a lot. But her acting so aggressive during that time was so new, and it was terrible. If I knew she'd react like that I wouldn't have said anything. And now I'm scared to every tell anyone else.
I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm over it now. Or maybe she just doesn't care, because this was when I was 14, and she let me start a knife/sword collection when I was like 15 or 16 lol. I don't know how many parents would let their kids do that after knowing they were suicidal

 

[Vivir_O_No]

It makes me really curious to know why parents don't know how to react when their children tell them their thoughts about suicide. I feel your pain deeply, It makes me feel so invalidated when I tell them what I feel and they ignore me, become passive-aggresive, or whatever. But, it just makes you feel lonely, truly lonely.

 

[Mitsumi]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know what you mean. Parents can be very neglectful.

 

[ObssessedEirika]

I can relate to this on so many levels. I truly regret telling my mom that I was suicidal as well. I was forced into a psych ward for a while and just kept being berated about how I was harming the family and that I have nothing to be suicidal about. Calling the hotlines really didn't help. They just said the same things over and over again. She fought a lot with me over my tendencies and about how I was trying to manipulate her and the family. My advice to you is to cut ties with your parents if you feel like you can. If she treated you like that before, who knows if she'd do it again. I'm sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves that because they were seeking help.

 

[passivethought121]

It's insane how much I relate. My mom treats me the same. Emotional abuse feels like a stretch but it's the closest definition. Neglectful, ignoring etc. I have been fantasizing about telling her because I never open up about anything. And in every daydream, she reacts just like this.

 

[luisamanequim]

It was a few years ago I told her, but it was the worst thing I ever did. I think she told my step dad too because they were both mad at me the next day.
She started yelling at me all the time and picking fights all the time. I don't even remember much of what happened honestly, it's all just a blur. I just remember we fought every single day over the smallest things, and it would always result in me just crying. I talked to crisis hotline workers all the time, pretty much every other day, and it was always about her. They'd usually say something about a "support system" or something to do with foster care but nothing ever changed. They'd all just repeat the exact same stuff like a broken record.
Telling her that I was suicidal was the worst decision I've ever made. That was the time in my life where my feelings were the worst, and it was mostly because of her. I don't know how she could even act so cruel. She's not normally like that. Normally I'd say she just liked my sister more than me, she was maybe a bit neglectful at the very worst tbh, but idk if I'd even go that far. She just ignored me a lot and didn't really care about what I did. No discipline or praise, I couldn't rely on her for anything, she just ignored me a lot. But her acting so aggressive during that time was so new, and it was terrible. If I knew she'd react like that I wouldn't have said anything. And now I'm scared to every tell anyone else.
I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm over it now. Or maybe she just doesn't care, because this was when I was 14, and she let me start a knife/sword collection when I was like 15 or 16 lol. I don't know how many parents would let their kids do that after knowing they were suicidal

When I attempted my mom was crying but she was very agressive too??? Calling me names, saying that I didn't care about her, Not letting me talk to my friends that were worried about me to the point of scratching me until it bleed. She also never truly did anything to protect me, I mean she never hid knives, medications, etc. I get you, it's crazy how your loving mother reacts completely the opposite you expect regarding suicide. Because of that I never talk about these things with her, just pretend, you got other people to vent to, like us!