Mom doesn’t think I’m being serious

[Nymph]

When she brings up something about the future, like my future job, where I want to work, where will I study etc... i mostly answer with something along the lines of: oh, I won't be here anyways, idk I'll be gone or something. And she just brushes it off and thinks I'll change my mind or that I'll grow up or whatever. I talked to her about antinatalism, she knows I'm depressed/GAD, I even straight up told her that I want to kill my self a few times and nothing. Like deep down I know they would b sad if I died, especially my dad. But like can you care a bit more other then tell me: go outside and do something blah blah blah. No mom, the sun is not gonna help me. Like I really wish i could see her reaction after I "suddenly" ctb. I wish she actually tried to understand me

 

[Toobrokentofix]

She's probably avoiding letting herself believe you mean it because of how scared she would feel if she believed you were serious. That must feel really crap for you though. Maybe if you are looking for someone to take your pain seriously you could speak to someone outside of the family about what you are going through.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My mom was also incapable of validating or comforting. I couldn't cry too long about anything or be held for too long, I had to start laughing or be stronger or just move on from it. Even when I broke my wrist, I was being overdramatic, it didn't hurt as bad as I said. If I was ever hurt physically or emotionally, it was somehow of my own doing and my fault.

I don't know either of you, only what you share, but I say with a fair amount of confidence, this isn't about you. Your mom has filters that distort, change or block what you say and experience. It is her unfortunate lack, and you pay for it while being aware of it, and she also pays for it but is not aware of it.

I'm sorry that you can't get what you need from her and should be able to reasonably expect, but based on her consistent actions over, I'm sure, many years, you cannot rationally expect. I never got what I needed from my mother, either. I kept returning to the slot machine of hope for decades, and it depleted resources I needed for myself. There were some good payouts, but a lot more losses in comparison, and never a jackpot.

 

[strawberryfield]

i'm sorry that she she acts this way :( it must be hard for you.
my mom is the exact same way. i think it's because she's in denial or doesn't want to acknowledge that her own child feels like this.
i think that maybe it's easier to pretend that she doesn't care, than to actually face reality

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It always amazes me how people are surprised by suicides. So often, suicidal people reveal themselves and their intentions/desires, but they fall on deaf ears. Eventually, we just learn to stop telling others. Then they're shocked when the act happens. "I wish there were warning signs. I wish they had come to me." *sigh*

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It always amazes me how people are surprised by suicides. So often, suicidal people reveal themselves and their intentions/desires, but they fall on deaf ears. Eventually, we just learn to stop telling others. Then they're shocked when the act happens. "I wish there were warning signs. I wish they had come to me." *sigh*

Or they cover their own asses and say that publicly, and convince not only everyone else but themselves, too. *deep, frustrated, sad sigh*

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

This reminded me of my own trauma and from many years ago that led me to being where I'm at now. When my life was falling apart to the point of no return and I knew I needed help or my life would be destroyed, no one except my ex thought I was actually serious. I was told among many other things, by my mom that if they helped then I'd never learn my lesson. I ended up not getting that help and having everything I ever worked toward and any reasonable future for myself destroyed. Only in the last few years with many talks and many talks about plans to end my suffering does my mom believe me now. She still says things like "how could I have known though?" Well she could have just listened, but my mom didn't really believe in that style of parenting up to that point.

I don't know exactly why your mom doesn't believe you, but I wouldn't be surprised if some of it has to do with the false narrative that wanting to ctb is purely a mental illnes and can never be a logical decision. It's so firmly ingrained in society, it may or may not be possible to help her understand before it's too late.

On a side note, @Illias, I am also trying to stay alive for my bunchkins. I've been more than once getting ready to ctb when my first rabbit (of four now) was staring at me begging for snuggles and I just couldn't do it.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I feel like everything I've ever said or will say to my mum ends up in the recycle bin, unless it's something she can use to her advantage. Which then goes in the 'guilt son' folder.

Its difficult to not feel validated by your own flesh and blood. I hope she comes to her senses sooner or later.

 

[ebt88]

Maybe you could try asking her help to get what you need whatever it is?

It's hard to understand or even react to someone saying he/she doesn't want to live. What should one do? I don't know your mother, but people are limited in their abilities more often than having bad intentions per se.

 

[Silenos]

My mother straight up ignored me when I screamed that I was going to kill myself, just before I ran away so I could throw myself under a train. So this sort of behaviour from a parent doesn't surprise me at all.

Just know that when it comes down to it, you will never be able to change her. She can only change if she wants to. Having said that, you could try involving a therapist as in some cases people are more willing to listen to what an authority figure has to say on this subject. Alternatively you can get angry and scream like I did, but don't expect much good from that.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

My mum has left voicemails sounding shitty because I've not been visiting her so much this last week; she kept repeatedly saying that I must be too busy having fun, that she assumes I must be doing ok. It's like- you've been my mother for 39 years and you haven't got a fucking clue! She asks how I am but never listens and assumes I must be after her money, which I'm really not!!! I don't want anything off her anymore. Having spend the last 8 weeks, knocked right off my feet again, in a full on battle with myself about whether to ctb or keep trying recovery and the last 2 days I've been mostly in bed shaking and not able to move! It doesn't suit her to know what I'm going through so she doesn't acknowledge it.

 

[Nymph]

My mum has left voicemails sounding shitty because I've not been visiting her so much this last week; she kept repeatedly saying that I must be too busy having fun, that she assumes I must be doing ok. It's like- you've been my mother for 39 years and you haven't got a fucking clue! She asks how I am but never listens and assumes I must be after her money, which I'm really not!!! I don't want anything off her anymore. Having spend the last 8 weeks, knocked right off my feet again, in a full on battle with myself about whether to ctb or keep trying recovery and the last 2 days I've been mostly in bed shaking and not able to move! It doesn't suit her to know what I'm going through so she doesn't acknowledge it.

Sorry to hear that, that's horrible