Venting Misery and oppression

[alexK]

Sorry if I'm posting too much or if this is annoying to any of you i just find some sort of comfort in the idea of someone reading my words and knowing my struggle. Taking a shower is the only solace for me at this point. When I hold my breath under the cold running water till my chest explodes.. this is the closest I've ever felt to being alive. I wish I had the courage to cut my wrist again they say the sight of blood and the pain helps make you feel alive but no I'm a coward bitch. I feel like a zombie.. like a robot of some sort. It sucks and it's strange how we drift into different trails of misery. Times of of abuse and assault. Paths of embarrassment and disappointment and regrets. I don't feel like a human in this oppressive religious country living with these oppressive religious hypocrites I call family. There's nothing I can freely do without their approval. If I want to go shopping I will have to ask a male family member to drive me there and monitor my movements. If I want to work I have to ask for permission. I'm forced to wear hijab and practice a religion I don't believe in. I was forced to marry someone I had never met. Literally arranged marriage. He was abusive and a drug addict he died and I ended up a widow at 25. Now I'm back in my family house to be controlled by my brothers again. Sometimes I think about seeking asylum somewhere but then I think about my abused mom. Her and I don't have the best relationship in fact she wished I was never born the other day and constantly pray to god that I die but sometimes I find myself excusing her since the abuse she had to endure at my fathers hand was terrible. She was controlled like this by her parents and then controlled by my "dead now" father then at 64 she's being controlled by her sons!! And that's gonna be my fate too if I stay in this shithole. I felt guilty I don't want to run away and abandon her struggling alone in this shitty life. But even escaping this hell is not an option right now since I don't work and have no window to leave the house and take care of the paper work and such. I'm just so frustrated and depressed and angry. I'm educated and a fairly attractive person I feel like I still have dreams and hopes for the future but I'm starting to give up I feel like it's my destiny to struggle her till the day I die. It's my fate to watch my life wither away through oppression and control and abuse. I just wanna breath and feel the fresh air in my hair that I'm forced to cover outside. It's my dream to walk a street freely and without hijab. I hate this I don't like it I don't want it I don't believe in it. I just wanna disappear from this house. My biggest fear is to die before I get to experience freedom. Just wanna make my own decisions. Just wanna have a choice!!!

 

[Final Escape]

And we are told in the US that Islam is just so wonderful. I don't believe women should have rights above men but women should have the right to choose a marriage partner, be able to go places without an escort. Wear clothing they want within reason. Like if you're going to dress slutty expect men to stare at u and try to pick u up, hit on u. Women should be able to have jobs if they choose to, but the problems come when gender differences are ignored and u give one sex preferential treatment over the other. The sexes cannot be equal because we have different strengths and weaknesses. Men typically get the resources women need for children they are likely to have especially without birth control and abortion being easy to acquire. Women typically are dependent on men and that's just how it is. It's how nature designed it. The main thing women can have some control over is choosing a good reliable man vs some guy who will run off and not provide or take responsibility or abuse u. It is possible to avoid abusive men but u have to be able to recognize the signs early.

 

[alexK]

And we are told in the US that Islam is just so wonderful. I don't believe women should have rights above men but women should have the right to choose a marriage partner, be able to go places without an escort. Wear clothing they want within reason. Like if you're going to dress slutty expect men to stare at u and try to pick u up, hit on u. Women should be able to have jobs if they choose to, but the problems come when gender differences are ignored and u give one sex preferential treatment over the other. The sexes cannot be equal because we have different strengths and weaknesses. Men typically get the resources women need for children they are likely to have especially without birth control and abortion being easy to acquire. Women typically are dependent on men and that's just how it is. It's how nature designed it. The main thing women can have some control over is choosing a good reliable man vs some guy who will run off and not provide or take responsibility or abuse u. It is possible to avoid abusive men but u have to be able to recognize the signs early.

Hmmm okay

 

[Final Escape]

Hmmm okay

Didn't u say u have to wear a hijab just to go out in public? Isn't that what sharia law is about? Women are tightly controlled. This is not how they treat women in western society. They let women have freedom but it's gotten carried away in the west with women being elevated above men. Basically in formerly white majority countries women have more rights than men do, but it's destroying civilization because of the family breakdown. Sorry for your situation, that sounds terrible :(

 

[alexK]

Didn't u say u have to wear a hijab just to go out in public? Isn't that what sharia law is about? Women are tightly controlled. This is not how they treat women in western society. They let women have freedom but it's gotten carried away in the west with women being elevated above men. Basically in formerly white majority countries women have more rights than men do, but it's destroying civilization because of the family breakdown. Sorry for your situation, that sounds terrible :(

I'm fully aware that women in other countries have human rights and dignity and I'm shamed to admit that I don't.. writing all that was difficult for me but I don't see how women are being "elevated" above men in other countries by simply having human rights??? I don't know what you're getting at and I don't know what your point is

 

[Final Escape]

I'm fully aware that women in other countries have human rights and dignity and I'm shamed to admit that I don't.. writing all that was difficult for me but I don't see how women are being "elevated" above men in other countries by simply having human rights??? I don't know what you're getting at and I don't know what your point is

Ok equal rights for women does not mean u get to divorce a man for trivial reasons and take all his money, the house, and kids. This is what I mean but elevating of women's rights above men. A woman in the US can get pregnant with anyone they want and then get the state to force him to pay child support even if he never committed to u and only wanted sex with u. A woman can abort a child with a man and he has no say in it, but he's still on the hook for child support if she chooses not to abort. Basically u cannot do anything wrong in the US if u are a woman but men tend to get punished a lot more because the court system and state favor women over men. So women are not held to the same standards of responsibility with regards to natural gender differences as men in the US. We get rewarded no matter what. Have kids outside of marriage as a woman, they give u housing, food, through taxation off other people's earnings. Women can behave very badly in the US and there's no punishment lol! The way it's set up currently is unsustainable because it's ruining the relationship between the genders. Feminism these days is not about equality of the sexes it's about masculinizing women and feminising men. Pitting the sexes against each other.

 

[Alec345]

I hope the best for you

Since I was in 6th grade my family forced me to wear hijab, at first because I want to be the good kid I did it I used hijab but then when I was in 9th grade I started to rethink about what religion means and ever since I become an atheist *keep in mind I want to Islamic school since kindergarten until junior high* at 10th grade I decided I want to take off my hijab and I did it the feel of air hitting my neck and hair after 4 years was one of the best feeling I had but my family didn't knew it, after a while I didn't took off my hijab again in an event and of my over religious teacher saw it and decided to told that to my parents. My family then got mad at me and told me that I am not their child again and they are not my family but they calmed down after a week and it's a relief cuz I don't yet have any stable income that can provide for my living expenses my family than forced me to wear hijab again. love my mom so much she is the best mom it's just she is over religious and already corrupted by religion she and my granny didn't even use hijab back when they were young and have the choices to use it or not and they forced hijab to me it mad me mad and just disappointed at them. I love my family so much but when I get the opportunity for me to leave them I will take it and I will take off my hijab.

I am sorry guys you got to read this long ass comment