Uni gives me life and coming back home sucks it all out of me. My family is so quietly sad. On the train back I was looking forward to coming back home after enjoying what I felt was a successful term. My depression had cleared up over the course of the term and it was like the sun had come out in my head. Within 4 hours of getting home after getting past the initial happy greetings I started feeling suicidal.
My parents have both lived through horrible emotional and physical abuse that they've passed down to me.
I'm just starting now i'm at uni and out that environment to see the reality of the abuse they inflicted on me when I was a kid. But they won't look at themselves and i'm so desperately sorry for them. My mum has to take care of 6 kids by herself, has hardly any money, and I think is lonely.
She goes to social events but i'm not sure she integrates and I just feel so awful for her. As bad as I feel I think some of what it may be is undiagnosed autism which together with the effects of abuse lead to this situation. I can't tell her I think she's autistic because it would destroy her world. She lives a lie and I can't bring myself to stop that.
My dad is a narcissist and will never admit fault so talking to him is a brick wall the few times I ever see him. He left the house feeling completely hollow when he left. All it is now is an empty shell it feels like.
When I come back it's like I'm watching a living fucking funeral. Everyone is a zombie and dissociated from life and no one talks about it. All my younger siblings have had no opportunity to gain a perspective on how things are for them. They've never known any different. They see nothing wrong. It's like if you spent your whole life underwater.
My sister can't stay here for more than 3 days without having a breakdown and I've got to do 3 months of this.
My parents have both lived through horrible emotional and physical abuse that they've passed down to me.
I'm just starting now i'm at uni and out that environment to see the reality of the abuse they inflicted on me when I was a kid. But they won't look at themselves and i'm so desperately sorry for them. My mum has to take care of 6 kids by herself, has hardly any money, and I think is lonely.
She goes to social events but i'm not sure she integrates and I just feel so awful for her. As bad as I feel I think some of what it may be is undiagnosed autism which together with the effects of abuse lead to this situation. I can't tell her I think she's autistic because it would destroy her world. She lives a lie and I can't bring myself to stop that.
My dad is a narcissist and will never admit fault so talking to him is a brick wall the few times I ever see him. He left the house feeling completely hollow when he left. All it is now is an empty shell it feels like.
When I come back it's like I'm watching a living fucking funeral. Everyone is a zombie and dissociated from life and no one talks about it. All my younger siblings have had no opportunity to gain a perspective on how things are for them. They've never known any different. They see nothing wrong. It's like if you spent your whole life underwater.
My sister can't stay here for more than 3 days without having a breakdown and I've got to do 3 months of this.
