Might go soon because of work

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Booked my hotel for two nights, I'll be packing my stuff in a bit. Got my SN and anti-emetics in a safe place.

Later I'll message at work saying I have an emergency and wont be back for some time.

Story time. I recently moved up at work. 2x more responsibilities and I've been overtiming more. I take overtime very personally because I only have a few years left because of ctb. To top it all off the pay is the same lmao.

I thought about looking for a new job but the new position drains me so much. Meanwhile the job hunting hell is what gave me the depression in the first place. I dont want to do this shit all over again and again. Looks like the ctb happens a few years early lol.

If I dont pull through with this I'll invite my friends to hang out at the hotel or something. One of the reasons I'm hesitant is because we lost a friend to suicide a couple of years ago. Her death anniversary was a few days ago. If I go now it'll be two death anniversaries within a week wouldnt that be sad hahaha

 

[NeetAccount1]

Could you tell your boss /HR you have a health condition and you can't work overtime? I don't know if they would ask for proof but I'm sure you could get a doctor's note if you told them what was going on.

I'm sorry it's come to this and you're going through this.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Could you tell your boss /HR you have a health condition and you can't work overtime? I don't know if they would ask for proof but I'm sure you could get a doctor's note if you told them what was going on.

I'm sorry it's come to this and you're going through this.

The thing is we're on flexible time aka do as much as you need to get the job done.
I try to keep it to 8 hours a day but with all the emergencies (dev in the healthcare industry) its unavoidable
Also thank you for responding. I just really need someone to talk to because my friends are currently tired from hangouts. Hangouts I missed because im breaking down from work and planning my suicide lol

 

[NeetAccount1]

Could tell them you started getting headaches/ migraines and leave at 8 hours. I have headache most of the time anyway. But I get it could be hard to leave in the middle of something.

When I was working I had high anxiety and was almost dissociating from the job a lot of the time, especially in the last 6 months. But at least I would have had no trouble leaving on time or early

Be like the guy in Office Space lol

But yea man it sucks

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

If you have double the responsibilities then point this out and request a pay rise, otherwise refuse to change positions. That's how working works. If they want more done then they need to pay more.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Could tell them you started getting headaches/ migraines and leave at 8 hours. I have headache most of the time anyway. But I get it could be hard to leave in the middle of something.

When I was working I had high anxiety and was almost dissociating from the job a lot of the time, especially in the last 6 months. But at least I would have had no trouble leaving on time or early

Be like the guy in Office Space lo Just wish it wasnt hard to enforce boundaries when most of the people in my position overwork.

I tried, but the person I replaced overworked like hell. Now they're noticing a "dip in performance" and slower output because I dare to enforce a wlb as much as I can lol

Plus we're slowly getting into crunch because of a big client. I broke down on my first week, started adjusting, and now I'm breaking down again.

I would resign asap but my family would give me a lot of shit like the time I was unemployed. That's another depressive spiral I'll end up in. That one would make me ctb for sure.
So I guess I might as well do it now while I have money and savings to pay off my funeral.

 

[CommitSudoku]

What's your job like? I know you said you're a dev, but I'm curious. Lately I feel like this somewhat too, I'm new at my job though and I just feel like even though everyone knows I'm still learning that I'm completely failing and the anxiety is forcing me in to a corner. I don't think I was made for thinking jobs, thinking always seems to cause me pain. I agree with some of the other posts that if you can do something it might be worth the attempt. Though I'm a hypocrite since I rarely do anything myself. Maybe you could just talk to HR and let them know you don't think the promotion is doing you well and you'd be better suited to another role or where you were before? It sucks so much that finding a job is such a stress and depression inducing process. If I hadn't gotten my they'd-hire-almost-anyone part time job after I failed on getting an internship, I think I wouldn't have made it through last summer. But then I don't know how to cope with having jobs and them making me want to be gone even more. It seems everything works against us sometimes.

Would trying a completely different job ever be something you'd consider? I know the feeling of having to consider what my family would think depending on what I do but if you have things worth more than their opinions it might be worth it to try to do something with less stress. People tend to look down on retail jobs but there are usually a ton of those at any given time so you could probably go without being unemployed if you worked it right, you'd just take a big step down in some (many?) ways. Most probably just in pay decrease but how much pay do you need to survive and is more pay bringing you happiness? Also though it's really unfair how you didn't get a pay increase with your promotion and extra work, I'm sorry that happened to you, it isn't right. Sorry for rambling a bit, I'm out of it I think. I wish you the best and I hope things can improve or else you can do what you feel is truly best.

 

[NeetAccount1]

Well at least piss on your boss's chair (joking?) or something like that lol

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Dev lead for a small team. I have to juggle so many things like client requests and finding things to improve on and bug fixes. I would honestly not mind the job if it werent so fast paced and with so much output expected from my team. Unfortunately most of the other devs are grindset people with stellar backgrounds. There's this pressure to keep up and I feel like it would be a huge disappointment if I step down since they had high hopes for me.

I cant think of the specifics of job hunting right now but I just want to be in a low-level fulltime dev position. I dont mind the pay as long as I get to clock out after 8 hours, then spend time with family and friends. I genuinely have no desire to move up the corporate ladder.

For your situation though, it's okay to fumble around that's how it was when I was still learning. That's what code reviews are for.
Honestly, thank you for rambling. I hope we both make it.

Well at least piss on your boss's chair or something like that lol

Well work's gonna be mad disrupted in the next few days since I'll be suddenly gone to take care of myself.
So I guess it's the same?

 

[CommitSudoku]

I'm only a starting developer, I can't imagine being a lead. It amazes me the people above me and what all the can do and then just how much they do. I feel like we're somewhat on the same page for that, "low-level fulltime dev position," though I'm not sure if I'm cut out for staying in this field. I don't desire to rise in the ranks at all. I just want to do things and be somewhat helpful, and not make things worse, and then leave on time. I guess basically existing in the most minimal way. I feel like if I were to quit when I've only been where I am since January that I'd never work over that failure. Is there value in trying something else or pursuing something else if leaving is sabotaging ourselves too? I don't know, I have no idea what to do but I'm barely doing anything and it feels like anxiety is killing me. You have my respect with how much you're doing, I'm sorry you have so much pressure on you especially when your team is small. If nothing else I will say that I feel like you've built a good resume or list of experiences at this point, so hopefully it'll serve you well if you do decide to go anywhere else.

All my coworkers are nice and it makes me hate myself more that I'm too anxious to even ask for help often. And too dumb to solve things on my own. I think I've been working on my last ticket for two weeks haha I have no way to exit this weekend but if I did I think I'd probably take it.

I hope the time you took off proves beneficial one way or the other. I do hope you can perhaps try something else out first before going the fatal route, since it sounds like there are things you enjoy off the clock, and I don't know if it's really worth it for us to let jobs do this to us. I really don't know. Though again in my situation, I'm just my own enemy, the job is fine tbh. Sorry for rambling once more.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Dont apologize for rambling :) This site is a place for discussion after all! Hey I have the same career desire. I just want to be a helpful tool and live minimally.

Would it help if you asked for a solution or some part of the code with a similar structure? I've has multiple instances of being genuinely stuck or coming up with a complicated solution, until my coworkers pointed out the logic i couldnt get because the official docs are too conplicated. I have a coworker who's in a similar place. I had to show him the basics of the solution and that's when he really understood what to do.

Stack overflow and official documentation can only do so much sometimes. Insight from other people really help honestly. It's okay to ask for help! You've done your best trying to solve it, and it helps your coworkers get insight into your thinking process

And if you feel the dev thing isnt really for you, no shame in trying out other things! Some people industry hop a lot, and seeing that we're both okay with low level work, I think you'll be able to adjust!

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Edit: I think about this comic a lot

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really stressful and tiring what you are going through. I'm sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I was in this same position sometime ago, and when I said I wanted to quit due to stress, they gave me some options, like moving me to another unit with less work, reducing both pay AND hours etc. Maybe worth a shot?

Also, since you seem to have experience and some contacts, you can also explore the independent consultant career route. Basically, you are your own company and employe yourself. That way, you get to dictate your hours and pay, and if you don't like a particular project it's easier to switch to another project than switching jobs. That's not even getting into the tax money you save. If I hadn't lost interest in life and everything else, this is the route I was planning to go.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

It sounds really stressful and tiring what you are going through. I'm sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

It is, thank you. I was very scared when asking the emergency leave. My friends had to repeatedly convince me I deserve it.

I was in this same position sometime ago, and when I said I wanted to quit due to stress, they gave me some options, like moving me to another unit with less work, reducing both pay AND hours etc. Maybe worth a shot?

Also, since you seem to have experience and some contacts, you can also explore the independent consultant career route. Basically, you are your own company and employe yourself. That way, you get to dictate your hours and pay, and if you don't like a particular project it's easier to switch to another project than switching jobs. That's not even getting into the tax money you save. If I hadn't lost interest in life and everything else, this is the route I was planning to go.

I'm leaning more towards resigning, the healthcare industry's too hectic for the life I want. And being directly responsible for someone's life is enough stress. My mistakes can affect someone's travel and employment status
Also I'm already an independent consultant on paper. For tax reasons hahaha.
In the event that I live, I'll need a better pay raise for incoming medical needs.

But thank you! I appreciate your suggestions :) I'll reconsider in case things dont work out

 

[ThePaleWhiteLight]

Be careful with the hotel room.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Be careful with the hotel room.

Why so?
I'm thinking of moving things away from the bed or taking SN on the floor tbh. I've heard of people being found because the shakes knocked stuff on the floor and made noise

 

[ThePaleWhiteLight]

Why so?
I'm thinking of moving things away from the bed or taking SN on the floor tbh. I've heard of people being found because the shakes knocked stuff on the floor and made noise

You'll have to deal with a cleaning service. Don't forget to leave the Do Not Disturb knocker outside.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

You'll have to deal with a cleaning service. Don't forget to leave the Do Not Disturb knocker outside.

Ahh
Yeah I'll have to ask cleaning hours because I'll have "work meetings"
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