After years of thinking about it, I'm close to the point of needing to ctb. But after looking at the options, it's really tough!!
What are your reasons for choosing a method. Just trying to read and understand some of these options sends me intodeep depression which is why I want to Ctb in the first place. Jumping seems to be the only low effort and high success rate option for me but I don't know if I can do it.
I also see more people here who have debilitating illnesses and ctb is a better option than continuing, any other depression or anxiety people feel guilty that they're generally able bodied and it's the mental side you (I) can't handle??
Thanks for reading
I do feel that guilt because I am able bodied for the most part. Its my brain that is definitely the issue of it all. I understand and relate to that feeling deeply. I spent the last seven years trying to push that mental conditions ie illness could be the invisible debilitating condition, but its almost impossible to our general society structure that the brain can betray you, but you look or I look and act as normal as possible.
Why a method? Why the method choosen?
I used to have an internal or external trigger and try to ride the adrenaline / impulse drive to CTB. So basically off the seat of my pants. It never worked because of my sheer self preservation was conditioned strongly by parental sociological influence. Example: I tried CTT (catching the train) on a very bad mental episode and I froze in place like my feet were welded to the ground. I had plenty of time to CTT. No issues with it (no way to "fail"), but I've struggled with CTB for years....couldn't ever push past the natural instinct. I feel that I'm a coward, honestly.
A method that has no harm to others except the coroners, morgues and I don't care if my relative has to identify. He's on my shit list. I just don't want my CTB to be dangerous to others because its my choice, not theirs.
A method that has hardly any gore and definitely no pain if possible (asking alot). I'm trying to find the method that allows me to slip out without me knowing persey, and doesn't hurt long or hurt at all.
I'm also if I'm brutally honest....
Still hanging on to some falsehood of hope that my life will somehow miraculously change and I can continue the shit show because I have FOMO (fear of missing out). Whenever I'm trying to attempt to CTB, the stupidest shit pops up, no joke, "we won't see the last of season 4 Rick and Morty..."
Dumb.
I guess on my last attempt (not last night, but a month ago), I had found that inner will power to not give a shit about anything, but the method failed. The method I highly do not recommend unless you know what you're doing and that's hypothermia.
I didn't do it right and it is a long arduous process. No damage acquired.
I've been a fan of jumping, but I'm no longer in WA with 300ft skyscrapers. Accuracy is my concern as well.
Whatever you choose to do, we support you either way ((hug)) whether CTB or not. I feel mental conditions are mistreated or misunderstood???? We may look normal, but my functioning is a hard ratio that I don't get to choose.
My thoughts are with you. <3 <3 <3
