Message from someone left behind

[hurtingmom]

Hi,

my daughter (25) commited suicide on August the 10th last Summer. She found information on Sanctioned suicide about sodium nitrite and how to use it. At first I was shocked that there was a website that provided information like that.

But lately I've been thinking, that for my daughter sanctionedsuicide may have been a blessing.

Thanks to one of the moderators I found the 18 messages she posted. It makes me happy to read the sweet words other members told her. They were kind. Thanks to those messages I've gained a little bit of insight into why she chose to end her life. Whenever I feel like crying I read those messages. I'm so grateful for the moderator who helped me find them.

Those words from my daughter, that she wrote on sanctionedsuicide are a great comfort to me. In a strange way she almost sounds happy about what she's going to do. She was happy and convinced that her choice was the right one.

However, as a mom I'm hurting.

I miss my daughter.

And I wish I could have been there for her.

Anyway, I hope it's alright to share this message on here.

It's kind of a message from one of those left behind maybe?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be very painful what you are going through but at least all those gone from this world cannot suffer anymore and are free from their struggle. Rest in peace.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Of course it's alright for you to post here.

I'm very sorry for your loss. And I'm glad that you've found at least a little bit of comfort.

 

[SamTam33]

If you had known the extent of her unhappiness do you think you could've fixed it?

They always say to talk to someone, but unless that person can fix what ails you, I've always seen it as kind of useless. Just a way of prolonging the inevitable.

 

[Efilismislife]

Its really rare to see something like this(people outside the ctb community who understand) almost i cant believe it but anyway

Theres always a cause behind every action
same as suicide

Hi,

my daughter (25) commited suicide on August the 10th last Summer. She found information on Sanctioned suicide about sodium nitrite and how to use it. At first I was shocked that there was a website that provided information like that.

But lately I've been thinking, that for my daughter sanctionedsuicide may have been a blessing.

Thanks to one of the moderators I found the 18 messages she posted. It makes me happy to read the sweet words other members told her. They were kind. Thanks to those messages I've gained a little bit of insight into why she chose to end her life. Whenever I feel like crying I read those messages. I'm so grateful for the moderator who helped me find them.

Those words from my daughter, that she wrote on sanctionedsuicide are a great comfort to me. In a strange way she almost sounds happy about what she's going to do. She was happy and convinced that her choice was the right one.

However, as a mom I'm hurting.

I miss my daughter.

And I wish I could have been there for her.

Anyway, I hope it's alright to share this message on here.

It's kind of a message from one of those left behind maybe?

 

[Donk]

I am so sorry for your lost. Cant imagine losing a child of my own and its amazing that a grieving parent would be so understanding. We are here if you need support just as we had for your daughter. The last thing we wanted was for your daughter to CTB. thats not what this site is about. I hope you find solace in knowing that your daughter's suffering is over. She'll be forever in your heart even tho it wont fill the emptiness inside. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Finding Sirius]

My condolences, I am happy you were able to find comfort in her messages. Peace to you, I know it's not easy for a parent to say goodbye to their child.

 

[HerculePoirot]

I am impressed. Hurtingmom and her daughter are exceptional personalities.

 

[Efilismislife]

This is a mother who is obviously struggling and suffering from her loss can we be a bit more compassionate toward her?

Most of the messages here are positive response though

i dont see which ones saying mean things to her?

as for me i only said what she said that she finally saw the reason behind ctb
and its rare to see at non suicidal people



although as for me im more concerned about the daughter tho

at least i hope shes finally in peace

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Most of the messages here are positive response though

i dont see which ones saying mean things to her?

as for me i only said what she said that she finally saw the reason behind ctb
and its rare to see at non suicidal people



although as for me im more concerned about the daughter tho

I'm sorry for whatever reason my phone was frozen all I saw was "NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE" and couldn't see the rest of the messages and thought that there was an argument going on. My comment was deleted but it was deleted after you decided to reply to it I guess.

 

[Efilismislife]

I'm sorry for whatever reason my phone was frozen all I saw was "NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE" and couldn't see the rest of the messages and thought that there was an argument going on. My comment was deleted but it was deleted after you decided to reply to it I guess.

I see

Now i understand

I think theyre debating about their beliefs on after life

 

[👁️👃👁️]

I see

Now i understand

I think theyre debating about their beliefs on after life

Well I see now all the messages loaded up but maybe now is not the time to do that, ya know?

 

[Efilismislife]

Well I see now all the messages loaded up but maybe now is not the time to do that, ya know?

You mean argue about what happens after ctb in this thread?

Agree on that

but i guess that person just cant resist to prove his point and end up responding to it

 

[almaranthine]

This is the first post of this nature I've personally ever seen on this forum. Thank you for sharing your sentiments here and believing that this site did some good in supporting your daughter in her last days. I wish you peace and relief. It does hurt me to think of my mom coming on this site and finding my posts, but I'd like to hope that if she did, she would end up feeling the way you do. So many people out there that vehemently oppose this site and believe it should be taken down/is illegal, horrible etc fail to see that people don't just magically end up here, they seek this place out, and when they do end up here they are generally met with kindness and support, not strangers cheering on their suicide. In fact, many try to encourage recovery, gently remind people that it's okay to change their mind, and try to offer advice and solutions. I am so sorry that your daughter is gone and you are left to grieve, but please know that she chose what is regarded as one of the most peaceful methods out there. Without being informed, many people choose methods that end up causing them long term damage or result in prolonged suffering. It is fortunate that your daughter was not one of those people. Again, I offer my sincere condolences to you and your family.

 

[hush hush]

Hi,

my daughter (25) commited suicide on August the 10th last Summer. She found information on Sanctioned suicide about sodium nitrite and how to use it. At first I was shocked that there was a website that provided information like that.

But lately I've been thinking, that for my daughter sanctionedsuicide may have been a blessing.

Thanks to one of the moderators I found the 18 messages she posted. It makes me happy to read the sweet words other members told her. They were kind. Thanks to those messages I've gained a little bit of insight into why she chose to end her life. Whenever I feel like crying I read those messages. I'm so grateful for the moderator who helped me find them.

Those words from my daughter, that she wrote on sanctionedsuicide are a great comfort to me. In a strange way she almost sounds happy about what she's going to do. She was happy and convinced that her choice was the right one.

However, as a mom I'm hurting.

I miss my daughter.

And I wish I could have been there for her.

Anyway, I hope it's alright to share this message on here.

It's kind of a message from one of those left behind maybe?

We would like to thank you for respecting your daughters wishes, instead of believing the lies and the empty promises of suicide prevention advocates that your daughter could be "saved", essentially coerced to live and tortured. Death eliminates all evils of life (whatever these were) and while it takes the good things, it also takes the desire for them. Sometimes people put the reduction of suffering ahead of the pursuit of pleasure. At least, she can no longer be harmed by anyone, she is 100% safe from all life's dangers. You could read this book to read a critical opinion on suicide prevention:
Amazon product ASIN 0815609906

 

[Mofreeko]

NONE OF US KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE.

This thought must always remain in our decision making process. Made up stories aren't helpful in either direction, they're just a form of coping.

Jesus dude. Calm down.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry for your loss, thank you for coming here to understand. I hope you find peace

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with so many other people here that you have shown remarkable compassion towards your daughter and to the people here. Many of us can't even begin to imagine the mixture of things you must be feeling.

This place definitely isn't what the tabloids claim it to be. For the most part, it can be a comfort to people who are struggling in life. I'm deeply sorry for you that your daughter chose to depart but I am also grateful that she found some empathy and kindness here and that you also see that.

You sound like you must have cared so deeply for her. I'm sure there was nothing you could have done. Sometimes, no one can help us and we just want to find a release from our suffering. I hope you are able to find peace also and I wish you all the very best.

 

[CTB Dream]

Very sorry this ,life cruelty make suffer make need ctb, this understand hage daughter wish great most outer people not understand ctb. Thank understand here understand daughter ,know sad lose suffer real hug

 

[Rounded Apathy]

This is a very meaningful post to make, and find. At least to us here...a glimmer of hope that at least some on the outside might understand. Condolences for the loss, and may you both be at peace.

 

[Kattt]

I am also a mother of two children, in their early 30s.
As a long time member of this community, I can honestly say that it's the one place I have been able to speak frankly and without fear of judgement to people who really understand what I am going through.
Your daughter was unwell, just like someone suffering from a physical illness such as a cancer.
It's wonderful to hear that you appreciate the value of in this site and the comfort it gave to your daughter.
It prevented her from being in horrible pain or from being someone you will spend the rest of your life crying over as you hold her hand and hope she wakes from a sleep that would leave her unable to communicate or live independently. I can say this because a year ago, I faced this myself.
The fact that she did this absolutely does not mean that she didn't love you with all her heart. When you reach the stage where you take that path, you enter a place I call "the black pit of despair". I call it that because you are essentially blinkered and there is no space for loved ones or anything at all other than ending the pain.
The day I made that attempt, I remember nothing at all, even from before the attempt.
It's worth noting that a large number of people who are dissuaded from an attempt or someone intervenes and rescues them, go on to successfully commit suicide at a later date.
Your words are very wise. Know your daughter loved you and wherever she is, still loves you and will for eternity. She is no longer suffering and didn't suffer any pain from her actions.
You will see her again.
You are a part of her just as she is a part of you.
You did everything a mother should do and she lives on in your heart for as long as you remember her.

 

[Mashedout]

Jesus dude. Calm down.

This is about life and death, if there ever was a situation to not be calm then this is it. Nothing is more important.

 

[LostAtSea]

Really respect all that you're saying. Most don't have your compassionate perspective.

 

[Mofreeko]

This is about life and death, if there ever was a situation to not be calm then this is it. Nothing is more important.

If someone says "at least their suffering is over" in regards to someone passing away, the correct response is not "NOOOOO! HE MIGHT BE IN HELL OR REINCARNATED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Chill the fuck out.

 

[Butterfly Moon]

Hi,

my daughter (25) commited suicide on August the 10th last Summer. She found information on Sanctioned suicide about sodium nitrite and how to use it. At first I was shocked that there was a website that provided information like that.

But lately I've been thinking, that for my daughter sanctionedsuicide may have been a blessing.

Thanks to one of the moderators I found the 18 messages she posted. It makes me happy to read the sweet words other members told her. They were kind. Thanks to those messages I've gained a little bit of insight into why she chose to end her life. Whenever I feel like crying I read those messages. I'm so grateful for the moderator who helped me find them.

Those words from my daughter, that she wrote on sanctionedsuicide are a great comfort to me. In a strange way she almost sounds happy about what she's going to do. She was happy and convinced that her choice was the right one.

However, as a mom I'm hurting.

I miss my daughter.

And I wish I could have been there for her.

Anyway, I hope it's alright to share this message on here.

It's kind of a message from one of those left behind maybe?

My deepest condolences to you. For you to come on here and have such compassion and understanding shows what a wonderful person you are.

Sending you a big hug right now…from one mom to another

 

[WorthlessTrash]

This is about life and death, if there ever was a situation to not be calm then this is it. Nothing is more important.

A parent who lost their child to suicide posted a heartfelt thread and you feel the need to make this all about what happens after death? Have some compassion. There is a time and a place (and multiple threads) to debate what comes after death. This isn't it. No one here cares what you believe happens after death. Go tell someone who does.

 

[lessonlearned]

im so sorry for your loss:( . i hope that you are able to get through this .shes in safekeeping now.

 

[makethepainstop]

Mam, I know this is the most painful experience you will ever suffer, but please do try to understand your daughter was in constant mental pain and anguish. People like us are just almost predestined to suicide. I know you are hurting, your daughter did not want to hurt you, she just had to escape the pain. I realize that most normal people cannot relate to us as they do not share our pain but believe me our pain is severe and never seems to stop. So many times, we take the only relief we can get. We don't rejoice at our members deaths, quite the contrary. What we do celebrate is that they have escaped a life of unbearable pain. Some of us have been in pain for decades, and others cannot see our pain. Everything about us looks like we are ok, to others, yet we are in pain. So I hope you can have some measure of comfort that she no longer suffers, this is what we celebrate, the end of pain. Much love to you mam.

 

[Sittichmutter]

I am really sorry about your daughter. I imagine the comfort of being able to read her messages here.
My 15 year old son took SN too, in December, 2020. I never found any messages. But being at SS helped me understand how he must have felt. I wish you do not take any blame. I struggle with mine. And It hard.

 

[ksp]

i'm so sorry for your loss. your pain must be unimaginable… i'm so sorry…