Mentally / Physically Exausted ™️

[Sleeper System]

I'm an ungrateful piece of shit. My life could be so much worse and yet I still find a way to make myself a victim. I'm just so fucking tired. Tired of spending my life working at a job I hate then coming home and wasting away in bed because i'm too tired to do anything else. Tired of having to pretend to be strong when inside i'm breaking apart. I know the world doesn't give two fucks about men and their struggles in life. Least of all a piece of shit nobody who never did anything.

It's like every day I wish I was dead. Just so I don't have to deal with all the bullshit of the day. I want so desperately to just quit my job but I know in a few months after i'll be on the street. I have to work to survive. Like many of us here. It's a sad but expected consequence of never having taken life seriously. I'm paying for that now but it doesn't matter. I still want to die.

CTBing is so hard to do right. So many loose ends. I don't want to be here anymore but I still have things I feel obligated to do that makes the whole situation harder. I don't want to be any more of a burden than I need to be if I can help it. It's really hard.

Just thinking about living this way for 20 or 30 more years is unbearable. I have to come face to face with the fact that I really might have to kill myself one day. I don't think I have it in me to hang on that long. But I will really try. For as long as I can.

I could step down from my position and that would free me from a lot of stress but the pay would be cut and that would suck. but it's not healthy for me mentally to keep it up. But again i'll do it for as long as I can. Ugh.

Thanks for reading if you took the time. I just need to vent here so I can go to sleep feeling like I expressed myself at least.

 

[_Vasa&Me_]

I just want to start by saying that you have no idea how strong you are for speaking your mind and expressing your feelings to the public (even if its a "niche suicidal forum"), and while like you said, society at large tends to ignore us men and our mental problems, there are still some of us out there who want to help you, to listen to you, and to understand you, yes we are few, but we exist.

You clearly seem to be in a tough spot in life, and your reactions are completely valid to such an unfortunate situation, I genuinely hope you see better days for yourself, you work far too much (both physically and mentally) and deserve better.

While it is tough, I would advice you to try out new things one small step at a time, maybe that can at the very least keep your mind occupied, and if that does not work, you always have a permanent way out (which is nothing to be ashamed of either)

Basically all I am trying to say is that there are people rooting for you, they might be invisible to the naked eye, but they exist, and I doubt any of them want to see you fail and stay punished by the luck of life forever :)

 

[Gangrel]

Seems like you have taken the words out of my mouth to be honest, that is all very relatable. Sorry i don't have anything deep to say, other than sorry you're feeling like that, it sucks, but you aren't alone brother.