Cloud4youu
New Member
- Aug 8, 2026
- 2
I 19F, am going to be voluntarily putting myself in a mental hospital for a while. It sucks because this is one of my last attempts at trying to improve my mental health, and all I see online is people shitting on mental hospitals/ psych wards.
This February, I almost made an attempt but I decided it wasn't fair to ctb without at least trying to make an effort to enjoy life. I've been passively suicidal since I was 12, and for the past year it's been almost anything I can think about. I can't stop thinking about how I would do it, where I would do it, how people would react, making checklists for things that need to be done beforehand, etc.
I know to some it seems ridiculous that I'm willingly institutionalizing myself, as when I was planning my attempt in February that was my biggest fear, but on some level I don't want to die. I want to want to live, but I'm just so done. I don't like myself, I've dropped out of college, and all I've ever thought, even as a kid, was that I'd never make it to my age. I don't know what I want in life. I don't see anything in my future.
I really hope the stay will actually help me. I don't know what'll happen if it doesn't. I just wish I was normal and liked living, you know?
Any advice leading up to my stay would be great. I think I'm struggling hard with undiagnosed personality disorders/bipolar, so my stay might be long. Thanks for reading.
This February, I almost made an attempt but I decided it wasn't fair to ctb without at least trying to make an effort to enjoy life. I've been passively suicidal since I was 12, and for the past year it's been almost anything I can think about. I can't stop thinking about how I would do it, where I would do it, how people would react, making checklists for things that need to be done beforehand, etc.
I know to some it seems ridiculous that I'm willingly institutionalizing myself, as when I was planning my attempt in February that was my biggest fear, but on some level I don't want to die. I want to want to live, but I'm just so done. I don't like myself, I've dropped out of college, and all I've ever thought, even as a kid, was that I'd never make it to my age. I don't know what I want in life. I don't see anything in my future.
I really hope the stay will actually help me. I don't know what'll happen if it doesn't. I just wish I was normal and liked living, you know?
Any advice leading up to my stay would be great. I think I'm struggling hard with undiagnosed personality disorders/bipolar, so my stay might be long. Thanks for reading.
