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UselessBeing
Member
- Sep 3, 2021
- 41
In the last several weeks I have had massive melt downs and mental breaks. But once I reach feeling a certain point it's like I black out (but im still conscious) and after a while I realize I've hurt myself. I have been self harming since I was very young but its gotten worse over the years. But I never forget what I did to myself so this is new.
A month ago I had a really bad night. My mental state dipped and I tried to fight off the feeling. Next thing I know Im on the floor with a gash in my arm and it's the worst I've ever done. I can't explain how ashamed I am.
This morning I had a falling out with my husband. It was several hours ago now. I held it together until he left and when I heard him leave the driveway I fell apart. I've been calm now for about 2 hours. I got up about 20 minutes ago to use the restroom and when I looked in the mirror I see that I have cuts on my face. I scratched tf out of my face and I don't remember doing it. I didn't feel the stinging or anything and the moment I saw myself in the mirror my face started hurting.
Does anyone else go through this, self harm and not remember? I hate myself even more. I feel so fucking stupid and I have a huge event tonight. When my husband sees what I did everything is going to get worse and Im going to lose it when he yells at me again today.
I wish my several previous attempts to CTB didn't fail. Tonight Im going to look like a joke. Fuckin end me
A month ago I had a really bad night. My mental state dipped and I tried to fight off the feeling. Next thing I know Im on the floor with a gash in my arm and it's the worst I've ever done. I can't explain how ashamed I am.
This morning I had a falling out with my husband. It was several hours ago now. I held it together until he left and when I heard him leave the driveway I fell apart. I've been calm now for about 2 hours. I got up about 20 minutes ago to use the restroom and when I looked in the mirror I see that I have cuts on my face. I scratched tf out of my face and I don't remember doing it. I didn't feel the stinging or anything and the moment I saw myself in the mirror my face started hurting.
Does anyone else go through this, self harm and not remember? I hate myself even more. I feel so fucking stupid and I have a huge event tonight. When my husband sees what I did everything is going to get worse and Im going to lose it when he yells at me again today.
I wish my several previous attempts to CTB didn't fail. Tonight Im going to look like a joke. Fuckin end me