Venting men and midterms

[jellie]

I used to feel okay being alone but I am losing that ability.

I am seeing two men right now. Its shitty of me but neither of them want to commit to being exclusive so who cares. Neither of them care about me. It feels like they both only use me for sex or so that they won't have to be alone when they have nothing better to do. I guess I am doing the same thing, I hate being alone. Last night while having sex I felt like I was just waiting for it to be over. He left right after he was done with me. I guess that was all he wanted from me. Sometimes I wonder how they would react to my death. I doubt they would care. I think they would be over it in a months time.

Midterms are coming up for my university. I need to work and study but I can't stop procrastinating. I feel like a loser. I am struggling hard with anatomy and biochemistry. It seems to come easily to my classmates. I wonder if my major is even worth working towards when I don't even want to be alive.

I used to fantasize about what my life would look like in the future. I wanted a career and a family. I feel like neither is achievable. Men don't care about me emotionally and I am too stupid to be able to do what I want to do with my career.

I am a loser. I have no friends. I have allowed two seperate men to take advantage of my loneliness and use me as an object. I am struggling with school. I want to die.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It doesn't seem like they have much of an attachment to you. But in truth most of the world isn't going to care all that much if we die. But that doesn't mean some people won't or that we don't matter.

You don't deserve judgment for trying to meet certain needs the way you have been.

It's very hard to study STEM subjects when your mental health sucks. A lot of smart students here in a similar boat (looking at you @jar-baby )/ In this case comparing yourself to your peers who aren't all in the same emotional place isn't fair. But it's fair to question your college situation. If I were you I would talk to your professor or advisor.