cristaleyez
xe/they/it
- Feb 21, 2023
- 64
I took aderall and xanax for my ADHD and anxiety. Took it as prescribed. Didn't sell it. Didn't even think it was addictive. If anything, I kinda hated it, especially the xanax cuz it made me feel braindead. But sometimes I preferred that over my crippling anxiety.
Well I have to give a urine sample for these. A surprise urine sample actually. I'm the most dehydrated fuck on planet earth so the first time this surprise test came up I knew it wasn't going to go well. I drank all their water, nothing. Had to say ill get it next time.
Next time, I prepared. I had to go. Well, that didn't quite work as planned either. Dehydrated or not, it may or not be surprising that since I take xanax...I have debilitating anxiety. This manifests for some reason in giving urine samples. Idk why, I think I think too hard about it or something? As soon as i sat down on the toilet it felt like I didn't have to go.
I was so frustrated with myself, flustered even, getting myself even more worked up. The nurse told me let's try again another day. Alright.
Call in and ask if I can come in on a non appointment day to give a sample since appointments make me nervous too.
I'm told that I'm never able to have xanax or aderall again because of a "two time refusal". I never refused or said no I couldn't fucking piss in the bottle. Was never told about this and the nurses words even implied that I had another chance.
So yeah, I probably ruined my life because of the very condition I was trying to get medicated to help. Fucking dumbass.
Now I'm mostly just mad I get free withdrawal symptoms.
Thinking of the few reasons that keep me alive and how I can work them out. I love my dog and I'd hate to see her go to a bad owner or be upset by my absence. She's a very loyal and needy dog, maybe even a little obsessed with me because she'll sit and whine at the door when I'm in the bathroom sometimes.
Also my partner who would hate to see me go. He implies that if I go, he goes too. Maybe it's a bit dark, but I don't really see much of a problem with that as long as that's what he truly would want. But I'm always terrified that I'll fail and he'll think I'm dead and then go ahead and not fail. Yeah Romeo and Juliet type shit.
Well just remember with your doctors if you can even be assed to keep up with your medication. The constant refillings and having to go outside to pick it up. Sometimes I just wanna go cold turkey on all my medication. Or at least the ones for my mental illnesses and some shit.
Sucks that even though I take my medicine as prescribe and haven't shared my medication with anybody else, I'm still suspected of being a drug dealer or drug addiction. And then when I'm showing symptoms of the illness they gave me that medication to treat it doesn't even matter lol. I had sat in a doctor's office for 3 consecutive hours once to try and give a urine sample, didn't work. Fucking hate doctors and honestly it's probably better I get off this xanax/aderall shit because they're just gonna keep asking for surprise samples that send me into anxious spirals.
Well I have to give a urine sample for these. A surprise urine sample actually. I'm the most dehydrated fuck on planet earth so the first time this surprise test came up I knew it wasn't going to go well. I drank all their water, nothing. Had to say ill get it next time.
Next time, I prepared. I had to go. Well, that didn't quite work as planned either. Dehydrated or not, it may or not be surprising that since I take xanax...I have debilitating anxiety. This manifests for some reason in giving urine samples. Idk why, I think I think too hard about it or something? As soon as i sat down on the toilet it felt like I didn't have to go.
I was so frustrated with myself, flustered even, getting myself even more worked up. The nurse told me let's try again another day. Alright.
Call in and ask if I can come in on a non appointment day to give a sample since appointments make me nervous too.
I'm told that I'm never able to have xanax or aderall again because of a "two time refusal". I never refused or said no I couldn't fucking piss in the bottle. Was never told about this and the nurses words even implied that I had another chance.
So yeah, I probably ruined my life because of the very condition I was trying to get medicated to help. Fucking dumbass.
Now I'm mostly just mad I get free withdrawal symptoms.
Thinking of the few reasons that keep me alive and how I can work them out. I love my dog and I'd hate to see her go to a bad owner or be upset by my absence. She's a very loyal and needy dog, maybe even a little obsessed with me because she'll sit and whine at the door when I'm in the bathroom sometimes.
Also my partner who would hate to see me go. He implies that if I go, he goes too. Maybe it's a bit dark, but I don't really see much of a problem with that as long as that's what he truly would want. But I'm always terrified that I'll fail and he'll think I'm dead and then go ahead and not fail. Yeah Romeo and Juliet type shit.
Well just remember with your doctors if you can even be assed to keep up with your medication. The constant refillings and having to go outside to pick it up. Sometimes I just wanna go cold turkey on all my medication. Or at least the ones for my mental illnesses and some shit.
Sucks that even though I take my medicine as prescribe and haven't shared my medication with anybody else, I'm still suspected of being a drug dealer or drug addiction. And then when I'm showing symptoms of the illness they gave me that medication to treat it doesn't even matter lol. I had sat in a doctor's office for 3 consecutive hours once to try and give a urine sample, didn't work. Fucking hate doctors and honestly it's probably better I get off this xanax/aderall shit because they're just gonna keep asking for surprise samples that send me into anxious spirals.
