Help Medical & Neurological problems preventing me from attempting. Help?

[nottinghams]

Hi guys.
I have a unique problem of medical issues causing me not to attempt. Actually, last week I finally felt a little better and was extremely calm to attempt. But that night I began to feel very sick and very scared.
Why is this happening to me? I'm so chill with it, but there is something physiological handicapping me.
On Monday I suspected withdrawal from a psych med (lamictal) that my doctor (slowly) took off, and I never wanted to. I managed to convince her to put it back the same way, and I think I'm getting better on that. Guess I'll have to wait and see.
(I won't give a full med history) But since then I have had mind numbing bladder pain, chest pain, difficulty breathing, blood pressure regularly 130/100, and loss of feeling in my hands, neck, and legs, sensitivity to light, and bad head pain.
I think these symptoms are from something also causing neurological issues, fear and delirium.
So physically I feel so sick to CTB and neurologically it makes the emotions and decision-making difficult and all skewed.
I just wanna say I'm dealing with difficult doctors that see I'm sick but cannot be bothered. I've made an appointment with my PCP, but less focused on diagnosis and more saying what I need to relieve this (obviously not telling him im suicidal) I will describe the urgency as pain relief needed and be as dramatic as I have to. This shit is really painful.
I want to ask for anti-inflammatory steroids, antibiotics, and maybe even a low-grade opioid patch (literally only for relief lol not my method) I have thought as well about hyperbaric therapy, and perhaps I will try drinking more + weed edibles.
I can absolutely tell I'm ready and don't give a damn but chemically there's something wrong. if you know anything else I could do, what else to ask my doctor/psychiatrist for, please comment. its infuriating to be mentally fine and there are medical problems creating issues when trying to suicide.

And I am so afraid of how long this will go on.

 

[Nikitatos]

Relief from neurological pain is difficult to impossible.

 

[nottinghams]

Relief from neurological pain is difficult to impossible.

How so? Are you saying I could have a neurodegenerative disease? That's the first class flight to (death) Heaven, ntm if I got diagnosed I could request assisted suicide.

But my doctor is being mega difficult and unhelpful towards a diagnosis. This is why I am going to go and expressly ask for very specific treatments, like the opioid patch I mentioned.
Is there anything I can do or ask for regarding those painful symptoms, just enough relief to get my body up to suicide?
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[nottinghams]

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[Nikitatos]

How so? Are you saying I could have a neurodegenerative disease? That's the first class flight to (death) Heaven, ntm if I got diagnosed I could request assisted suicide.

But my doctor is being mega difficult and unhelpful towards a diagnosis. This is why I am going to go and expressly ask for very specific treatments, like the opioid patch I mentioned.
Is there anything I can do or ask for regarding those painful symptoms, just enough relief to get my body up to suicide?
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I think a lot of people have untreated, undiagnosred neurological issues. I've got bad nuerological stuff. Doctors couldn't do anything. Alternative medicine couldn't do anything.

I showed my doctor videos of my leg muscles twitching uncontrolably and she shrugged it off as nothing. "Neurologist" is a fancy word that implies some level of expertise or competence. They're pretty useless though.

If you find something that helps, let me know.

 

[Onelegman]

Hello Nottingham, I am not a doctor but I suspect that all of these symptoms may be caused by lamictal. Any medication has side effects and it seems that you have won the "lottery" with this one. One thing has not been clear to me, in the end you no longer take it or did you manage to convince the doctor and continue with these pills?

It can also be a change in diet, sleeping habits... viz. As for being scared, it is completely normal, the SI is our worst enemy when we want to take our own life. Maybe you were not as prepared as you say, you have to ruminate on these things a lot to finally take the step. It may be counterproductive to think about it so much, but it certainly helps clear up doubts. May I ask which method you chose?

I have chosen to jump from the 7th floor, and look at the place where I will do it (the window to my left), think about the posture, the music I will listen to, what will go through my head while the wind whistles... believe it or not , has helped me a little, although my brain also makes me think of bad scenarios to prevent me from doing it.

It has always happened to me that I don't know how to make decisions, I need approval even to go buy bread, it's suffocating.

The only advice I can give you is that maybe you should go to other doctors, since the current ones don't help, you may be able to find another one that will. In my case I plan to take 20 mg of zolpidem, a hypnotic that greatly reduces my ability to think many things quickly. Surely your head is also like a locomotive. I trust a lot in that to take the final step.

 

[nottinghams]

I think a lot of people have untreated, undiagnosred neurological issues. I've got bad nuerological stuff. Doctors couldn't do anything. Alternative medicine couldn't do anything.

I showed my doctor videos of my leg muscles twitching uncontrolably and she shrugged it off as nothing. "Neurologist" is a fancy word that implies some level of expertise or competence. They're pretty useless though.

If you find something that helps, let me know.

Okay. you clearly are speaking abt something different, so its okay.

Hello Nottingham, I am not a doctor but I suspect that all of these symptoms may be caused by lamictal. Any medication has side effects and it seems that you have won the "lottery" with this one. One thing has not been clear to me, in the end you no longer take it or did you manage to convince the doctor and continue with these pills?

It can also be a change in diet, sleeping habits... viz. As for being scared, it is completely normal, the SI is our worst enemy when we want to take our own life. Maybe you were not as prepared as you say, you have to ruminate on these things a lot to finally take the step. It may be counterproductive to think about it so much, but it certainly helps clear up doubts. May I ask which method you chose?

I have chosen to jump from the 7th floor, and look at the place where I will do it (the window to my left), think about the posture, the music I will listen to, what will go through my head while the wind whistles... believe it or not , has helped me a little, although my brain also makes me think of bad scenarios to prevent me from doing it.

It has always happened to me that I don't know how to make decisions, I need approval even to go buy bread, it's suffocating.

The only advice I can give you is that maybe you should go to other doctors, since the current ones don't help, you may be able to find another one that will. In my case I plan to take 20 mg of zolpidem, a hypnotic that greatly reduces my ability to think many things quickly. Surely your head is also like a locomotive. I trust a lot in that to take the final step.

Well no. I'm not 'scared'. its more like a neurological presence of behavior change and fear. The physio symptoms are terrible too.

My head is not like a locomotive. its actually the opposite...which makes the problem worse.

I am back on the lamictal, slowly. it is helping but I still feel super sick.

My question isn't an anecdote or a rant. It's asking really what should I do to make this less of a problem, and what to ask my doctor for. I'll braindead myself if I attempt to retype the post. Read it again, its not super hard to understand.

Don't mean to sound rude, but if you don't know how to answer or you need to vent then don't answer please.
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[Onelegman]

Oh I understand, sudden changes in the way of thinking. Or so the translator gives me to understand.

If your head is slow it makes me think again about the medication you are taking, it must be like swimming in jam.

I guess the translator didn't do very well on this occasion, he was just saying that if your doctor doesn't help you despite telling him everything you tell us, maybe another doctor will listen to you. If that is not an option, keep insisting on your doctor and beg him for help, ask him everything you can in the time you are with him.

I won't say anything else, sorry if he bothered you anything. I wish you the best and a speedy improvement.

 

[nottinghams]

Oh I understand, sudden changes in the way of thinking. Or so the translator gives me to understand.

If your head is slow it makes me think again about the medication you are taking, it must be like swimming in jam.

I guess the translator didn't do very well on this occasion, he was just saying that if your doctor doesn't help you despite telling him everything you tell us, maybe another doctor will listen to you. If that is not an option, keep insisting on your doctor and beg him for help, ask him everything you can in the time you are with him.

I won't say anything else, sorry if he bothered you anything. I wish you the best and a speedy improvement.

Nonono, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude. Yes if you feel you can't help me don't answer but I mean no offense. I'd be grateful if you got other people to come help.
And I wasn't aware you weren't originally typing English.

its too much effort since I'm dead soon anyway to get a doctor to pay attention and diagnose. What Instead I was planning to do is see my PCP (Primary Care Physician) And express much much more urgency but this time focusing on needing relief over a diagnosis. I mean I'm dead soon anyway lol.
I'll probably tell him I fear psychiatric care given the urgency.

to b clear about the lamictal, it didn't change at all the weeks prior and I felt fine. What my post said was that I felt so at peace and ready to die the next night and then had kidney/chest/heart/bladder/lung pain, plus fear, fogginess, and delirium. Putting it back on slowly is making it better but I still feel so sick. And I fear 'living' any longer just to be physically able to CTB.

So yeah what can I do for this? What should I ask doctors for, in this case? this is the question.

Oh I understand, sudden changes in the way of thinking. Or so the translator gives me to understand.

If your head is slow it makes me think again about the medication you are taking, it must be like swimming in jam.

I guess the translator didn't do very well on this occasion, he was just saying that if your doctor doesn't help you despite telling him everything you tell us, maybe another doctor will listen to you. If that is not an option, keep insisting on your doctor and beg him for help, ask him everything you can in the time you are with him.

I won't say anything else, sorry if he bothered you anything. I wish you the best and a speedy improvement.

But please son't suddenly stop replying. If you need to, tell other people about this to help me.

 

[Onelegman]

I don't know what you can ask doctors for, tests to be able to identify where those pains come from. They may not find the reason for all of them, but maybe they can know how to treat you for some of them.

On bad occasions you can go to a pharmacy, tell your symptoms and there will be something over the counter that they can give you, normally pharmacies have a lot of experience and the times I have found myself in a situation like this they have given me pills that helped me.

At least this way you will have a little less pain until you decide to take the step.

 

[Contraband]

@nottinghams i think your idea to get a diagnosis is the key to understanding what you're dealing with and then working towards treatments and solutions. i would really elaborate on what you're going through and how desperate you feel.

it's normal to fear the unknown with psychiatry, but do your best to stay open minded. some doctors are very charismatic and passionate about helping to find you options and it could really help you deal with your symptoms. start with your PCP and hopefully they will get you a referral. i wish you luck in sorting this out

 

[nottinghams]

@nottinghams i think your idea to get a diagnosis is the key to understanding what you're dealing with and then working towards treatments and solutions. i would really elaborate on what you're going through and how desperate you feel.

it's normal to fear the unknown with psychiatry, but do your best to stay open minded. some doctors are very charismatic and passionate about helping to find you options and it could really help you deal with your symptoms. start with your PCP and hopefully they will get you a referral. i wish you luck in sorting this out

The problem is I can't seek a diagnosis. My doctor will not listen to me about it. this same doctor has failed to reveal test results like blood in the urine, high white blood cell...
I don't have the kind of doctors you mentioned.
I'm omw to being back on lamictal slowly to where I was before the decision to stop was made. So far its working, I can tell, but if it doesn't at the end, and there are other causes...

So the better is to be urgent regarding relief over a diagnosis. I mentioned in my post speaking with him to get antibiotics, and maybe a small grade opioid patch.
I elaborated enough on all the symptoms. Read the post again if you have to. I'm desperate because:
1. the pain fucking sucks
2. a combo of medical + neurological problems are literally preventing me from suicide. And I don't want to keep living. And I'm not scared of it.

again chemically there is definitely something wrong. Please, tell me, is there anything else I can do? What else I should ask any doctor/psych for?
its an infuriating blockage and I'm terrified of staying 'alive' any longer, because of a chemical problem.

 

[WearyWanderer]

How so? Are you saying I could have a neurodegenerative disease? That's the first class flight to (death) Heaven, ntm if I got diagnosed I could request assisted suicide.

But my doctor is being mega difficult and unhelpful towards a diagnosis. This is why I am going to go and expressly ask for very specific treatments, like the opioid patch I mentioned.
Is there anything I can do or ask for regarding those painful symptoms, just enough relief to get my body up to suicide?
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Not to burst your bubble, but not all neurological conditions are terminal. Really, really wish they were.