Venting Medical Gaslighting, Conceitedness and the "Power of Positivity"

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

For purposes of simplification, I will use the letter "N" to denote a person with narcissistic traits.

Nmom is a breast cancer survivor. With a combination of alternative therapies, exercise and prayer, her illness went into remission, and she stopped her treatments. (To be specific, Nmom stopped anti-cancer treatment on her own. Of her own free will. She hasn't gone for a single checkup ever since she deemed herself "healthy" enough not to need to do so.) I grew up with a distrust of conventional medicine, believing in the "power of positivity" and trusting my body to "heal itself". Because I refused to seek medical treatment, my lupus went undiagnosed for two years, and by the time I did, shit had already hit the fan. I was influenced by my parents to believe that conventional medicine only treats the "branch" symptoms—not the "root" cause—and that my symptoms would eventually go away on their own. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, such an attitude has remained to be till this day.

During those agonizing years of joint pain and muscle aches, I fell into a downward spiral. Whenever I complained, Nmom would gaslight me for "making a mountain out of a molehill" and exacerbating the pain by being depressed. Both parents made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough to keep a positive attitude, and at times Nmom would lash out at me for "driving her crazy". I came to a rude realisation today that even at the age of thirty, I'm still a "goody-two-shoes mummy's girl" who, despite all her capabilities, can't make decisions on her own.

I'm boiling with rage as I type this. If I didn't take the initiative to seek medical attention back then, I swear I wouldn't be alive today.

 

[Pluto]

 

[untothedepths]

Terrible parents are one of the worst 'curses' to get. I had likely an nmon too. It was all about her. Only she could feel pain. And yeah, tried to go the whole "all naturale" route while still taking treatment from doctors and talking crap about that. Meanwhile, I had no coverage I was aware of until I lost it at 18. Refused to take me to the doctor without her always being present and it so rare. I now likely have many problems due to that, no thanks to her.

 

[ferret-in-a-sock]

Same, though not with chronic illness, but with physical injuries as a kid. I struggle to grasp if I should rest, because my mom would say I'm being dramatic and that SHE was tired and in pain from work, so I needed to comfort her. If I wanted to go to the doctor she'd smack her lips and go, "Ooooookay, don't see why. You're not actually sick/hurt. You just want to miss school. You want the doctors and school to think I'm a bad mom."

So I learned to keep pain to myself, not to seek doctors help and still push through too much. I'm still a few years shy of 30, but yup—I always hear my mom's voice in my head saying get over it.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I'm sorry, @untothedepths, your mom certainly sounds like a terribly overbearing person. I hope you're getting the treatment you need. The sheer arrogance of such self-taught "pRoFeSsiONaLs" in thinking they know what's best for themselves and their loved ones, than experts in the field.

I really don't get the hype with labels like "natural" and "organic". Are such products even worth it? Such fad trends seem to me like a greedy marketing campaign to milk the cash cow that is the health-conscious, yet not scientifically sound, consumer.

tried to go the whole "all naturale" route while still taking treatment from doctors and talking crap about that

And when you call out their hypocrisy, they're quick to DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender). They will always be the victim and will always see themselves as such. You can never win against a narcissist.



I feel you, @ferret-in-a-sock. It's all about them (Ns) and never about you. They can't seem to compute that relationships are a two-way street, and not a zero-sum game of all take and no give. In your case your mom seems to expect you to be som kind of "emotional support animal". Not only that, but Ns are also obsessed with their image, and they will go to great lengths to keep up appearances. External validation is what keeps them alive.

I, too, have learned ths hard way to keep things to myself and to put my nmom on what they call an "information diet". I have to be careful with what I share with her because everything can, and will, be used against you.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

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